8/26/2011

Monogamy



Every once in a while, someone's blog or online posting in a forum breaks my heart. Usually it is a sub, heartbroken and lost because her Dom wants to have sex with somebody else. Date somebody else. See somebody else. Love somebody else.






Some subs and slaves are not bothered by this. Some even want it. Those aren't the people I'm talking about.






It always makes me really sad for them. Sad because I'm in a relationship with a man who completely insists on total monogamy for both of us. It makes me feel lucky, and wish this sub could be lucky enough to find someone like I did. Sad because I can imagine how I'd feel in their shoes. Devestated. Heartbroken. Hurt. Lost. Alone. Unwanted. Unloved.






I don't think any man or woman whose heart yearns for monogamy should ever have to endure the hurt of having a partner want to engage in polygamy. But it happens.






It makes me sad.






I think the lies that culture, pop magazines, and tv tell us about men are terrible, terrible mistruths. Lies like: "It's natural to be polygamous. All men want sex with other women. It's normal to fantasize about other women. All men masturbate. All men watch porn. It's normal for a man to think other girls are hot. Most animals in nature are polygamous and so we should be, too."






I want to hug these women and tell them that it's not true. They have the right to expect fidelity and faithfulness from a man. They are enough. The problem is not with them not being pretty enough or sexy enough or not wanting sex enough.









I know men who do not masturbate. Men who do not watch porn. Men who do not want to have sex with other women. Men who are not interested in straying with their eyes, hearts, minds, or bodies.



I'm not saying poly people don't have the right to be poly. But it breaks my heart to see women hurt by a cheating man who wants to call it "poly" instead of cheating.






I think they deserve more. A man who only wants them. A man who is captivated by only them. A man who loves them the way God loves them.










10 comments:

sub and Queen said...

Agreed! Lovely heartfelt post.

We are raising our boys to be those kind of men. One of the reasons we homeschool: so they don’t have to deal with the constant barrage of date date date, sex sex sex, bared bodies and a complete lack of parental instruction...

Like you said, this world teaches it (and sometimes right from the teachers themselves). My husband struggles with some of the outside issues - because he was raised ... not Badly per se, but without true conscious thought or oversight.

My heart breaks too - both for the women who suffer because of it and for the men who think they "need" it..

Dannah Bridger said...

Beautifully written.

Ironically, I was watching the movie "Moonstruck" today while doing laundry. I love it when the mom is trying to figure out why her husband is cheating and keeps asking the question "why do men chase women?". She finally asks, "Why do men need more than one woman?" and the guy answers, "Because they fear death."

That little conversation made me think a lot--just as your post has.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Neo Dom Tom said...

There was an interview with a rock star, I don't remember specifically who, but he was a long-haired heavy metal guy. The reason I remember the interview so clearly is he said "why jeopardize ten years of love for a few minutes of pleasure?" Here is this superstar who is probably propositioned every night of his life, and clearly thinking about the woman he loves. It is easy to resist temptations (because they will be there) when you are totally devoted to a loving and beautiful woman. I would never ever jeopardize such a beautiful thing. I agree it's sad, and it's usually the guy.

When I got divorced six years ago, I had the chance to go out with lots of women, some young and with great bodies, others my age. I chose a woman who had a wonderful body and loved sex, but who was about my age (two years younger). I am so glad I made that choice too, because otherwise we would share little in common. My sister was the one who gave me that advice--to choose someone my own age because then you'd have more in common.

Krystal Watters said...

I'm honestly glad to have found your blog. I found it by chance in my wanderings and idle curiosity of how many Christian kinkster there were and their viewpoints. It was a pleasant surprise in some ways as I explored along and disappointing in others. Though I'm glad that I was able to run into this blog doing these wanderings.

I completely agree when it comes to Monogamy. I've seen a friend who disagrees and thinks he can never be Mono. I find it sad and in many ways tasteless. It's like saying I'm too lustful to be there just for her and he often states she's allow to do the same thing. It's just painful to me to even think about, in more ways then one. How can you be with another without betraying your one person. I honestly think it is betrayal and/or lack of commitment when I see this.

Sexperts said...

@Krystall, thanks! Disappointing how? Pleasantly surprising how? :)

pasthurt said...

I feel like you're talking about me. Maybe because this just surfaced for us the first time ever, and I've had a rough time getting through it. I think being religious gives a huge positive weight on staying monogamous even if you haven't had any other partners.

I can understand the appeal of the new and unknown my husband has. I know I didn't settle, but he can't be sure. He's completely monogamous, but I think his basic instincts took over for a minute while we were discussing the subject. It would've done us a world of hurt, if I wouldn't have put my foot down and said it's not going to happen and I better be all you want and need, because if you're with me, this is what you'll get.

The real problem I feel would be if the other one truly is poly, but then it wouldn't be right for the other one to have started a monogamous relationship anyway. Why does the one who wants less have to yeald? I can't imagine it's something "you must get fullfilled". I'm bisexual, but am happily in a heterosexual marriage and have no need to go around drooling after women. Probably it's just an excuse.

Lea said...

I feel lucky to have found this as well.

I can definitely see where situations like this lead to one feeling not good enough. It's bad for one's self esteem, especially because so many of these women are wonderful, amazing people who deserve a relationship they want.

I once allowed myself to be treated as inferior - never again. If you want to be seen as worthy, you need to treat yourself as such. If a man, even a dominant one doesn't know what he truly has then he isn't the one for you!

If you truly are poly, then that's fine, but in my experience there are so many people that just want to be lustful for the sake of it and classify it as something else.

alynia said...

I'm so glad I found this post :)
You know, it might stop me for being one of those heartbroken submissives... I'm just beginning my path in the bdsm-world, but one thing is clear to me: I want my future Dom to have only one sub: me! And I felt like I would be the only one...

Krystal Watters said...

@Sexperts Oh, sorry to confused you the disappointing was through my search of Christian BDSM and how they didn't explain the complications, or worse go too far and not upholding any principles.

You were one of the few pleasant surprises I've found, discussing core issues and your opinion with considerations of different views and openmind-ness.

Sorry for slow reply, blogger needs to do a better comment notification without email notifications.

WulfenCG said...

Honestly I think it's normal for both men and women to notice if someone is attractive (I'm male and straight, but I look at Johnny Depp and think "Damn he's good looking!"). I will always notice if someone is attractive I suspect, that's not the issue. The issue is what one does about it. If you're with someone, but wanting to go chasing after other people then do you really and truly love the person you're with?