While some subs and slaves like to brag about how they are "true submissives" or "naturally submissive," I think that's a load of hogwash. Yes, some of us are more naturally submissive or passive, and others have to work at it.
Me? I have to work at being submissives sometimes. Sometimes, I have to be forced into it by my hubby. Sometimes, he can't force me into it and he has to punish me or let me get away with it---whatever he decides. And sometimes, I feel naturally submissive.
And I'm like the weather. You never know which one I'm going to be from day to day.
How to my husband and I deal with this? For those of us who aren't always (or ever) "naturally" submissive, hope is not lost. There are ways to foster the feeling of submission and feeling small or overpowered. And these are things that both of you can do as well!
For the Dom/Domme:
- be consistent with your behavior, even if your sub does not respond consistently
- provide punishment for bad behavior quickly. Give 1 or 2 chances, not 10 or 12, and then punish your sub if he or she doesn't respond the way you want them to.
- find ways to assert your dominance, even in small everyday matters. Be bossy! Get your sub used to taking orders all the time, not only at certain times of day or during a scene.
- find a "codeword" or symbol and train your sub to feel submissive when he or she hears this command
- make punishments harsher to give your sub some extra motivation to behave!
- find ways to make your sub relax; this will lead him to obey
- require her to do something that will remind her of her submission to you every hour or every few hours to keep her in the submissive mindset
- give "maintenance spankings"
For the sub:
- have a glass of wine or a beer to help you relax. A relaxed sub will naturally feel more submissive.
- have a mantra or routine that you do throughout the day to help you retain your subby feeling and not drift back up into "topspace."
- read submissive journals and blogs
- keep a submissive journal
- work on bettering yourself or doing 1 nice thing for your Dominant each day
Any other ideas? Add 'em in the comments! :)
5 comments:
Having the sub say why they're being punished and what they should have done/be doing before, during, and after punishment.
This is exactly what I needed to read today! Some days I have a harder time than others. Thank you for sharing.
This is a nice list. Personaly, I'm wired so submissively that often, I find myself needing to hold the feelings at bay...or I never accomplish anything, I'd lose my job and become a bad parent. I guess I'm the other side of the coin. FYI...to support your list...I do have an adult beverage to relax (works)...I do hae a daily routine (also works)...I read journals and write my own submissive blog. Credence to your list, these things are powerful and effective.
I would personally add that also, some people don't actually *want* to be submissive all the time, and *that's okay*. Anyone who prefers to be submissive only at certain times (eg, only in the bedroom and not the rest of the time) is not "worse" or "less" than other submissives.
This is great stuff. Just love it. I'm a sex slave & wish my Master would take the time to read stuff like this. I'm new to this & really think this is stuff is for both Dom, subs/ slaves, what ever u are in the bdsm world. I think we all should be reading more stuff like this! Thank you so much !!! This has helped me & I'm sure will help many more ! :) <3 P.s I really hope my Master has a look at some of this for me, I'd be the happiest girl in the world !!!
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