Confessions of a Choke-aholic

Some women are chocoholics. I am becoming a choke-aholic.

I had some delicious times with my Dom the last few days. I wouldn't call them "scenes," exactly, since they were not set times when we played, but rather just the few hours before bedtime when I can relax and ask him to "Dominate me," my constant plea right around those sleepy bedtime hours.

We have packed all our toys away in preparation for a future move, so we don't have the paddle or the slapper or most of our bondage stuff. No nipple clamps (sad face), which are actually just plastic clothes pins in kinky disguise.

But we still have fun.

The other night, he choked me. At first I felt quite smug, knowing he might be trying to scare me but would never get me close to passing out (see his admonitions on the subject here). After a few minutes of restricted air, I started to panic. And somehow, he knew just when to let go... he felt that time when I was really getting panicked, digging my nails into him and squirming like a hellion, but before I passed out.

It was a wonderful feeling. Once I gasped for breath, my body was flooded with the most wonderful, peaceful relaxation. It was like taking a dose of a wonderful drug that only lasted for about 10 seconds, but felt great when it did.

At the same time, choking can be dangerous. People have died playing with kinky asphixiation. If you hold off your partner's air too long, you can cause a stroke or heart attack. For me, we didn't get that far, but it still caused a headache once the blood when throbbing back into my head. With choking, you must always be very aware of the risks. My partner and I have only begun trying prolonged choking now, several years into our BDSM relationship. It can be dangerous.

However, having the man in my life be in so much control of me was both powerfully peaceful and an aphrodisiac. It made me go limp, open to his every desire or command. In that state of mind, I want him to boss me around, just to show his control. I love the feeling of weightless submission, where I feel floaty and peaceful and ridiculously obedient all at the same time. I can't understand why he doesn't take advantage of it more, since normally I am a mouthy little spit-fire. :)

The downside of getting me to this place?

It can hurt. Being choked or spanked or just bossed around hurts--either your body or your pride. Naturally, we want to fight against it. If my Dom starts the process of hurting me, but doesn't push me past the place where pain gives way to endorphins, relaxation, and submission, I just get pissy and more mouthy (read: less submissive) than normal. He is learning that he has to keep going at it to push me past the rebellious stage and into the subspace, willing-slave stage. If not? He has an angry, pissed-off redhead at his hands. (This is something that should strike fear into the hearts of all men.)

Will we play with choking and asphixiation all the time? No, because it's dangerous, and neither of us wants me to be in real danger. Would I recommend this activity for everybody? Absolutely not, especially if you are relatively new to the kinky lifestyle. But with a lifelong partner you know and trust.... trust me, it can be a turn-on.