Becoming a submissive

As we approach our one-year anniversary, I've been deep in thought about how our relationship has changed and grown. Although I had real trouble with the submissive lifestyle in the beginning, that's slowly changing. Once I was in the safety and security of a marriage, I felt safe enough to trust my Dom and slowly give up some of my stubborn, hell-bent-on-my-way attitude. Obviously, this is something that needed to go for our D/s relationship to work. :)

I asked my Dom this week if he were surprised by how our relationship turned out. He said no, but he is happy, and that he had hoped I would eventually become more docile and he could become more bossy.

Do we still have issues with our D/s relationships? Sure. Because unlike some kinksters, I don't have a desire to submit myself all the time. Rather, I more often wish to be conquered--to fight it out and be defeated. This can be hard when my Dom is expecting "submission" and I am expecting "conquest."

But we're learning.

Slowly, I'm learning that submitting out of my own will is not necessarily "giving in" or "losing." And my husband is learning that to a wife with strict internal guidelines as to what is fair or right, sometimes he can't just sit back and expect me to give in, but he has to rise to the challenge and make me. Whether that entails pinning my hands so I can't fight him, tying me up, or just giving me a stern look and threatening to spank me, he's learning that there are ways to facilitate my submission to him. He's also learning that even when I complain that he's being too bossy or controlling, it's often more bark than bite, and I'll let him get away with it if he keeps pushing.

I've always been attracted to the D/s lifestyle, from the first time I heard about it. Over time, I've changed my mind as to what kind of D/s relationship I want, from Owner/puppy to Dom/sub to Master/slave to Christian Domestic Discipline to Taken in Hand to bondage to spanking. Sometimes our attempts at D/s have worked better than others. But overall, I feel I'm well on the way to being conquered and turned, eventually, into a truly submissive wife.

Eventually.