The internet is full of sex tips, sex tips for men, sex tips for women, sex tips for couples, top 5 sex tips, top 10 sex tips, top 3 sex tips, blah blah blah blah. And I've used lots of those sites, and I'm sure all those tips work for the people who wrote them and probably lots of other people besides.
It's time to add my own.
My Dom and I have been exploring sex together since we got married 13 months ago. It was a rough start (of course), even taking into consideration that my mother had warned me it would be a rough start and to give it some time. Luckily, sex got better after a few months of practice and a lot of communication, plus some unfortunate fights and tears along the way. C'est la vie, I suppose. :)
So what works for me, that no sex guides or "Sex Tips 101" had ever mentioned?
- Not all women like it deep. Every book and website anywhere talks about how missionary style can get boring (I'll get to that in a moment) and for deeper, more pleasurable penetration that will hit the woman's G-spot, to try the woman-on-top position. Can I just say "Ouch"??? I've never liked this position. It hurts!!! It doesn't hit my G-spot; it bruises my cervix. I can barely walk afterward. So men, don't just assume that because 98% of websites say women love deep penetration with her on top that it's true. I'm sure it's great for some people, but if your wife is built small down there or doesn't like having her cervix battered, try shallow thrusts or missionary.
- Give missionary a chance. Missionary is probably the most maligned position out there. It's supposedly really boring. Well, I disagree. Missionary rocks! I say this for two reasons: emotional and physical. Emotionally, missionary puts my Dom on top and me below. I feel safe and submissive. He feels in control. Physically, missionary allows him to do both shallow or deep thrusts, and he can create friction along the upper wall of my girl parts, leading to a lovely sensation for me. Sign me up!
- Change it up: contrary to popular belief, women do not all want deep thrusts. Some do want it all the time, but most of us like it some of the time. It feels good at first, but then it starts to hurt or get boring. So change it up about every 30 seconds, or just watch your wife's face to see when it changes from "Oh yes!" to "I'm waiting patiently for him to be through." When it's the latter, that's your sign that she's getting bored.
- Shallow, shallow, shallow. Do you know that most of a woman's nerve endings are in the first 1/3 of her vaginal canal? This means sex feels better if it's shallow. Instead of aiming for as deep as you can go, try shallow thrusts at varying speeds with the tip of your cock. If she likes it, keep it up!
- How to fight anxiety and distraction. Do you have a partner who gets bored, or scared, or tense, or nervous, or distracted during sex? (People with ADHD, anxiety, depression, or past abuse will tend to show these symptoms.) Keep them in the moment with a little nod to BDSM: a light hand around the throat, or a yank of the hair, or a light (or hard!) slap may be just the thing to keep him engaged and into what you're doing.
- Try more than one stimulation. If you're giving him oral sex, massage his balls with your hands. If you're giving him a hand job, lick and kiss his stomach. If you're having sex, squeeze down on him and then try to push him out. If you're teasing her nipples, alternate between your mouth and fingers when she doesn't expect it. One of my favorite sensations is when my Dom is using a vibrator or his tongue on my clit, and he starts to slowly stroke his fingers down my outer lips. I'm not sure why, but it drives me crazy and usually can help me tip over the edge if I'm having trouble orgasming.
- There is only one way into a vagina. That's right; the vaginal canal is situated at an angle and only at that precise angle can you enter without pain or a lot of effort. It's a big turn-off when a guy starts prodding around down there without a clue. My husband has hit my butt cheeks, my thigh, my outer lips, and my clit, but none of those allow entrance to my... well, you know. It's a big mood killer. If you just start forcing your way in at the wrong angle, it hurts. Trust me. Also, if your misguided poking ends up near her butt and get fecal germs on your penis, you can cause a serious infection when you transfer to her insides. How do you solve this? My advice: either use a hardhat equipped with flashlight to light your way, or use your finger first. Once you have figured out the correct entrance point and the correct angle, you can guide your penis in the same way. Everyone's happy.
- Don't just thrust. Thrusting is great. But you might also try just rocking your pelvises together, which is also great. Another good tip is to let the man lie still and have the woman squeeze her kegel muscles around him as he slowly, slowly lets her draw him into her. Not only will this draw him in slowly, but it feels great to both partners. Personally, I can come easier from this than any other method, and my Dom loves the feel, too.
- Be a 10-speed, not a 2-speed. Don't just have "fast" mode and "less fast because I'm getting tired" mode. Try lots and lots of different speeds. Try slow and deep, slow and shallow, medium speed, medium-fast, and fast. Try fast and shallow and then fast and deep. If the woman is rocking her hips against you slowly, match her rhythm. When she starts to go faster, match her rhythm. By keeping in time with what her body is doing, you're guaranteed to be going at the speed that feels best to her at the time, instead of trying to thrust quickly while she's thrusting slowly.
- My new ultimate sex tip. I mean, I seriously love this one. I have to give credit to my Dom, who discovered it. Start with shallow thrusts near her entrance, then move to shallow thrusts about halfway into her, then shallow thrusts deep within her. The trick here is to not speed up, but stay at about the same speed. Once you've done each for a few seconds, go back to shallow thrusts and start the whole thing over. Repeat as long as she keeps making encouraging noises and faces.
1 comment:
These intimate tips are indeed helpful especially to those who are just starting to learn more about sex.
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