Tale of Relaxing Bath and Sex

I've started work this week and been very busy. We haven't had time to spend time together, much less have sex or engage in BDSM.

But last week, we had a nice session. After my Dom read my post, Positive and Negative Energy in BDSM, he seemed to understand that for me to feel safe being hurt and used, I need to be taken care of first; in other words, my "emotional love tank" needs to be filled up before he can take me out for a spin. Otherwise, I'm on empty and it just won't work.

So he took good care of me, and it was lovely to be pampered and loved for a nice change. (Not that he doesn't always love me... I meant the pampering part!)

My Dom brought me a list of possible food dishes and told me to pick my favorite and he'd make it for us for dinner. This was so sweet! He'd already put thought into dinner before asking me. I picked double cheeseburger Hamburger Helper, one of my favorite comfort foods, and he let me rest, relax, and read while he whipped up dinner (if you can't tell, service is not one of my kinks).

After we enjoyed a hearty meal, we spent some time together watching True Blood and catching up on episodes, then he drew me a hot bath. There is something so romantic about drawing a woman a bath, in my opinion. Of course, any woman is capable of turning on her own water, washing her own hair and skin, and pouring in bubble bath herself--- but when someone else loves you enough to do all that for you, it is a wonderful feeling. I certainly can understand why so many Doms and Mistresses love having service as a kink, because being taken care of by someone who loves you is a great feeling. (Actually, I suppose just being taken care of is great, otherwise people would not pay for services like hair cuts, massages, and manicures.... it's the service that makes them so special!).

We didn't have any bubble bath, or else he didn't think of it, but he did draw me a hot bath and sit there with me while I soaked. He washed my hair, one of his favorite activities and something no one else has ever done for me. He even had warm towels in the dryer so I could be snuggly and warm when I got out. I've never had freshly-dried towels after a bath before, but they were wonderful! It made me feel like I was being pampered at a very special spa instead of my own bathroom.

People may think it's strange for a Dom to being the pampering, instead of being pampered, and a lot of D/s relationships are based on service for the Dom. I don't get turned on by offering service, but I certainly feel loved when my Dom takes the time to care for me and love me, and this TLC was just what I needed after a very stressful last few weeks. He ever washed my feet for me.

Once my hair was brushed and we were ready for bed, after all that pampering I finally felt emotionally safe enough to let him make love to me. Sex is often a really, really negative and draining experience for me, and lots of research on sexual abuse tells me why, but it doesn't make the feeling go away. Just because I know I am completely normal to have this reaction does not make it any easier on my marriage when I am 95% of the time repulsed by or just uninterested in sex. But for me, sex is so draining and scary that if I don't feel really, really loved and safe, I just can't get myself interested. Taking such wonderful care of me and pampering me made me feel safe and more open to a sexual experience.

We were able to enjoy each other and he gave me several orgasms before entering me and coming himself. He wanted to use the vibrator on me and choke me (lightly!) when I came, and it was super hot to me. When we were done and all cleaned off, we snuggled up and went to bed.

Of course, the next day we had a fight which just ruined my happy, sex-might-not-be-so-bad feeling, but while it lasted, it was lovely. :)