Happy New Year!
The wedding is over, the semester is over, and the holidays are over. What this means is, I'm happily sitting at home with some of that oh-so-rare commidity, free time, on my hands. Hurray!
My new hubby is out in the snow after church, buying paint since he painted over the wall in the wrong color. We've had some newly-married conflicts over much smaller things than that ("Why didn't your new wife make it into your Facebook status update?! Am I not as important as Cancun? Huh?!) but I am proud to say that in this situation, I was calm and collected. We have taken down the photos from the living room to put up a large piece of artwork by the genius Elizabeth Chapman (my wedding gift to my Dom) but there were still some holes in the wall. Unfortunately, he mudded and painted over them with the wrong color. Ooops.
Anyway, I have to say that married life has been nice. It's nice to light our Unity Candle before we have sex and know that now, finally, we are in a place in our lives where we can enjoy each other sexually without that guilt that comes from knowing you aren't honoring God as fully as you should in your lives. It's nice to experience orgasms and not feel like they're forbidden. Now, we're just doing exactly what God wants for married couples!
We've been talking about BDSM, although we didn't play around with it much on our honeymoon. I think my Dom wanted to, but I didn't feel comfortable enough with it since we were having "real sex" for the first time. (Yes, there are still Christians in the world who wait til marriage to have intercourse, even if we gave in to sin in other areas.) That coupled with my past sexual issues made me VERY unwilling to feel "raped", at least so far. Maybe eventually I'll get there. To my Dom, raping me vaginally sounds just as hot as raping me with his fingers or a vibrator, but I'm not there yet. And he's been very loving and patient about it.
So anyway, on the honeymoon we didn't do much BDSM, but once we were home and finally alone again, we started talking. We discussed what we both like and don't like (again---you can never do it too much) and we discussed how lately I haven't been feeling "dominated" even when he tries. We talked about the instances that something has worked for me and we decided that if he tries to move too fast, the domination doesn't work---it's when he starts slowly and builds up that I eventually begin to feel submissive. This was a good breakthrough for us, since I'm not terribly submissive naturally and I want to feel like I'm made to give in more than anything. Those times he just jumps on me and tries to force me, I get repulsed and turned off. Likewise, the times he only ties me up or messes with my head for 10 to 15 minutes, I feel bored and angry. What we discovered was that, when he ties me up and is mean to me for 45 minutes to an hour, then I finally start to slip into submissive space. I used to be able to get there on the phone with him from France just by his voice, but I haven't experienced it much lately since I've been living with him, and we both miss it.
So in the end, I don't have any hot and wild stories of unbridled passion to tell, but I can say that we are now a married Christian couple who finally have the sexual freedom with each other to fully explore the aspects of BDSM we only played around with before. And we have had some very good conversations about our successes and disappointments in the area of BDSM before.
I hope everyone's Christmas and holidays were wonderful and maybe your stockings were filled with naughty things! Au revoir!
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