1/06/2010

Christian Masters vs. non-Christian Masters

Sometimes, when I write my blog, I worry that no one is reading anymore. It's kind of depressing. Or, if people are reading, I worry they're really liberal Christians (or not Christians at all) and are reading for the kink content, and then they'll be offended at the things I say. But today, I got two (two!) messages on Fetlife from strangers who had read my blog, so my Christian-kink-writing self has perked right up and been inspired to write again.

One of the only Christian AND kinky blogs I've come across (besides mine) is that of Doule, who is a different type of Christian than I am (she is Reformed Protestant, while I'm Catholic) but nonetheness a very devoted, true Christian. I enjoy her posts on Fetlife and I enjoy her blog when I have the chance to read it. I took that opportunity today, and one of her posts really made me think. Here it is:

I think it would be difficult, if not impossible for doule to have the same
confidence in Kyrios as she would have in Christ – an earthly Kyrios being
human, humans have human emotions and biases and blind spots.

For “doule” to have absolutely no regard and no rights, she would have to have that
full confidence that Kyrios has the exact same interests involved for her that
Christ has.

So when I write of Kyrios and doule, I write with the knowledge that both have human needs and failings.


I think of the proverbial “two-way street”. Doule serves without regard for her own
interests…but that remains possible only when she rests confidently in the full
knowledge that Kyrios bears the responsibility of regarding her interests for her.



I think this is so true of my own walk, first as a Christian woman, wife, friend, and worker, and second as a Christian who identifies with a kinky lifestyle. I talked to my husband about it after I read Doule's post, and I think this is what separates a Christian Master from any other Master, and what separates a Christian sub from any ther sub. And don't get me wrong; I've found wonderful advice and fellowship from kinky people who are many religions or no religion at all. I have no problem learning from kinksters who are not my religion, but in my relationships, I want to keep my marriage a Christian marriage first and a kinky one second.

So if you are a single, kinky Christian searching for your Master or Domme or Mistress or sub or slave? It can be hard to find someone who is also kinky (I'd say 3-10% of the population, depending on which study you read) and even harder to find someone who is a Christian kinkster (less than 20% of active BDSMers, according to an informal survey I conducted last year). But in the end, we have to believe God will send us that someone, because we are told to bind ourselves only to other Christians (2 Corinthians 6:14) and we know that God is very interested in leading us to the right mate (see the stories of Isaac in Genesis 24 or Ruth and Boaz in Ruth 4). We have to trust our loving Father has our perfect spiritual, mental, sexual, and emotional mate picked out for us, and all we have to do is wait and trust (see Micah 7:7).

Back to Doule's blog. I know it is really hard to wait and wait and wait and just hope your kinky mate will happen along, and I know some Christians get really discouraged with all the waiting. I've been there! But in the end, Doule has really pinpointed the reason we wait. There is such a spiritual difference between a Christian Master and any other Master. His job is different, more challeging, and more encompassing.

A BDSM Master has to do many things: care for his sub or slave, give her emotional and physical security, lead her, help her grow into a better person, train her, work with her on past issues, punish her, reward her, be a good lover, be a strong person, make decisions for the two of them, protect his slave and their relationship from evil people or things, and a host of other responsibilities.

The Christian Master does all these things and more. Rather than doing simply what he wants, because he wants it, he must measure all his actions against the Bible and what he knows Jesus wants for his life. He has to look out for and care for his sub emotionally, sexually, physically, and mentally, but also spiritually as well, because he knows he's responsible for her spiritual welbeing when they get to heaven. He can't just make up any rules that come to his head and that make him happy; he has to make sure all his rules and regulations are in keeping with the Bible. He doesn't worry just about what he wants in the relationship, but what God wants. Is God pleased with the slave? Is God pleased with the Master? In all things, the Christian Master knows he has a higher authority than himself and that his slave does, too. He has to make sure they both stay true to that Higher Authority.

Likewise, the Christian slave (or sub) has an extra job as well. She can't give up her freedom to her master completely, because she knows she must first be obedient to God and then to her master on earth. She wants to please her earthly master and also her Heavenly One. A Christian slave also knows that her human master is not the end-all, be-all of her life. They both serve God, together. She knows that they are equal persons, or equal value and dignity, but that one of them has been given more authority--though not more worth--while on earth. And even when she doesn't really feel like submitting, she knows she should follow the directions for wives in Ephesians 5:22-24.

This isn't something I'm terribly good at yet. I'm decent at obeying God, and I have years of practice submitting to Him, but I'm a total newbie at submitting to a human man. As a newlywed, I know this will be an area I'll really struggle with: submitting to God through my Dom. It's a new job for me, and I trust my Father will be patient with me in my first struggles.

Some people on Fetlife tried to tell me that there is no difference in a Christian Master and a regular Master. They said many Christian Masters are even worse people than other Masters, and I can believe that because Christians are just humans, after all! But the ideal of a Christian Master, a Christian sub, a Christian BDSM relationship---now THAT is something truly above and beyond the norm, something special, something sacred, something new.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sure somebody is reading your posts frequently. Like my submissive, I'm a protestant European. I find your posts subtle and relevant; they make me think on how we deal with these two life dimensions and their connections.

I personally think the art of understanding the biblical Books is to contextualize them in then societies, and then recontextualize them in ours, so as to learn what they may mean for and in our lives. Against this background, I sense a strong inclination to keep in mind that a translation of these texts is necessary from the realities of the patiarchical societies, in which they were written, and our situation - we personally are not in equating male-female in a 1-1 to Dom-sub. But even when this does fit a particular situation, I recognize your qualifications regarding shared service as deeply biblical and crucial.

Having been in Corinthe, Greece this Summer, I have come to understand that Paul was actually arguing against the man-made goddess of love, Aphrodite, who was made Queen of the city to allow some 1000 priestesses to 'religiously' serve - against a fee - passing-through sailormen and local males. Against that backdrop, he advised to keep to the own folks...

Anonymous said...

Came across your piece with my Master. The relationship i have with my Master is the most fulfilling, happy, stable relationship i have ever experienced in my lifetime. i was raised Catholic and believe that my Master has come to me from God. i know that my Master will get me to heaven.

Having been raised Catholic, i have found that my Master is the only One who has ever set me free, offering me the most freedom i have ever felt. He provides all aspects of what i need emotionally, sexually, physically, mentally, and spiritually!

Reading your post, i can only conclude that you are just a kinky Christian and not a true actualy slave!

As you point out, "We have to trust our loving Father has our perfect spiritual, mental, sexual, and emotional mate picked out for us, and all we have to do is wait and trust". i believe this to be true in as much as i was born a slave for just One Master!

Anonymous said...

I read you blog all the the time too. Great work by the way! I believe you are very spirt led in Christ and learn alot from all you post.

Anonymous said...

I just met a man who is part of the BDSM lifestyle. From are initial conversations is was interested. I have been researching BDSM and the expectations/duties of a sub when I came across your post. I was raised Catholic. I am not an active member off any church but I believe in God as my creator and Jesus as my Savior. I am not submissive by nature just kinky as heck.I was drawn to the statement you made about God sending you husband/Dom to you and I wonder I my unspoken prays are now being answered. Thank you.