1/31/2010

Sub Gives Head for First Time

Hello there!

Last week I had my wisdom teeth removed---Owwwww---and I am still recuperating. I will say that BDSM has not been an option for us, given that he has to be very careful of my body and especially of my face, so slapping and choking and generally being rough are out for now. But sex is still very possible, indeed highly desirable under the influence of these drunken pain pills I am taking, which make me both drowsy and lovey-dovey/clingy. My Dom loves it! And who am I kidding? So do I. I only wish I felt this way all the time. ;)

In fact, I must say that the first day, under the effects of anesthesia that made me very loopy and drunk and clingy and lovey and all manner of un-me-like things, I gave my hubby/Dom head for the very first time! It was lovely.

You may wonder how we could be into BDSM and not give oral sex, which seems to be the staple of female submission, all the time. But the truth is, I didn't. Not until after we were married. I just wasn't comfortable yet. I've been in some bad vanilla relationships before where my introduction to the male anatomy was not conensual, joyous, and free the way it should be, but something that was forced, coerced, and pushed upon me. Needless to say, this has led to some sexual issues that make BDSM mind play very fun yet scary for us, and also to a certain reticence on my part to give my partner oral sex.

To his credit, he has been 100% caring, loving, and patient.

Yes, a Dom who didn't get orally pleasured by his sub. He didn't ask for it, didn't even mention it. If I mentioned it, he was willing and receptive to the idea, but never so enthusiastic that I got scared and drew back. He was always very careful to let me lead in his area so that I would never do something I wasn't comfortable with out of a desire to please him or a strange feeling of obligation to serve him.

Sure, BDSM play is often about pushing limits, but my Dom decided that this limit was not one he should play with. It might be scary and fun to push other limits, for example acting like a dog or a slave or giving me more pain than I want to take, but to push the "oral sex" limit would have been pshing my limits in a way that was not fun or helpful to me or to our relationship. In fact, it would have been scary, intrusive, and an abuse of the trust I'd put in him.

But slowly, as we had married sex and I got used to the feeling of sex being completely God-given, holy, bonding, and emotional for the first time in my struggling Christian life, my fear of having a penis in my mouth started to go away.

Still, it was the drugs and the anesthesia that pushed me over the edge! I wouldn't say that the drugs made me horny, but they did make me lovey and clingy to an extreme--- I spent the first few hours in a drugged haze, whimpering through my pitifully swollen jaws, "Don't leave me.... stay here with me! Where are you going?" He loved it, and honestly so did I. I know a lot of people get turned off by neediness and clinginess, but in our weirdly wonderful codependent relationship, we both like it. My Dom likes to have the control and to feel needed, and I love being able to be this annoying, vulnerable side of myself and have it not only accepted, but welcomed and appreciated, for the first time in my life.

My needy, drugged, happy self suddenly had an immense craving to touch my Dom's penis. Then, I wanted to show him I loved him by putting it in my mouth.

This was a few hours after my wisdom teeth had all been removed, mind you. I couldn't eat, and I could barely open my mouth. I went very, very slowly. It took me a while to be able to get it into my mouth, and his dick fit very gingerly. Still, it wasn't nearly as awful as I'd thought it would be---or as my past had shown me it was. His penis didn't smell, it didn't feel gross, it didn't taste gross. Instead, it was smooth and soft on my tongue, slightly salty when he oozed pre-cum into my mouth, and gloriously, beautifully hard and soft. For the first time, after a lifetime of being abused and hurt by men and their penises, a penis was my friend.

It sounds silly, but that's how I felt. I can't remember the whole thing, but I know "traditional" oral sex was absolutely not an option at that point after my surgery. I couldn't suck at all, so I busied myself with my tongue, probbing his urethra with my tongue (he actually really liked it!), sliding my tongue over the base of his cock, and feeling his smooth skin against my tongue. My poor traumatized mouth bled a little bit, but neither of us cared about the spit or the blood. I went as slowly as I wanted to, never got to a hard "face-fucking" or "deep throating" or "cock sucking" phase like most people always think is mandatory for oral sex, and just got used to the feeling of his dick. When I was ready to stop, he welcomed it. He didn't complain, he didn't ask for more, he didn't ask for sucking or deep-throating, and he didn't ask if he could come. In fact, neither of us orgasmed. It was perfect.

After I was ready to quit, he cuddled me and told me how wonderful that was and how great it felt. My ego comfortably assuaged, we cuddled and I drifted asleep some more. Then he got up and made me dinner (water, pain pills, and some chocolate milkshake) and I headed to bed.

My first GOOD experience with oral sex! Finally---a good, loving, committed man to share that with. Halelujia.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Rejoice!