Pregnant Sex

Pregnant sex is no fun at all.

First, you feel sick and bloated and hot. You don't want to be touched at all. And everything is sore. And you are so much more susceptible to UTIs and yeast infections.

But we tried it once... because I felt guilty that my poor Dom has had no sex in the 3 miserable-feeling weeks since I found out I was pregnant.... and it went okay.

He had to go very, very, VERY slowly. And I hate the intimacy of sex, even after over a year of marriage. Those abuse issues, even when you know what they are, can be difficult to work through. Sex apparently makes other people feel horny, good, relaxed, close, and pleasured. It makes me feel stressed and panicky. So he went very slowly.

But the only time I kind of/sort of relaxed was when he put his hand on my throat and chest and pushed down on me. I could still breathe, but I felt controlled, and then I was able to relax.

Of course, then he wanted to know if I could take my shirt off---I hate intimacy so I always, always want to keep at least some clothes on--and since I was feeling dominated I hated to disappoint him, so when I said no I immediately burst into tears.

Then he was very nice, hugging me and reassuring me that he wasn't disappointed, so I calmed down and could sort of enjoy it.

It just seems unfair that sex should take all this trouble and work and effort and strain. It's supposed to be natural and pleasurable, right???? Sigh.

So far, being pregnant feels like having a low-grade fever ALL THE TIME. I don't feel terrible, but I definitely don't feel normal or good. It's exhausting.

I'm honestly not sure how people ever, ever have a second pregnancy if this is how they feel the first time through.

The scary thing is, I'm only 5 weeks along....!

So now it's Saturday, and I can't even enjoy it because I'm sitting here, awake too early, feeling just feverish enough and just sick enough at my stomach to wish I were at least asleep so I could be passing time obliviously. I need to clean up a bit.... fun, fun, fun.

Sorry for the bummed-out post.... nothing much else to write about here.

Nice Guys Always Finish Last? Don't Think So.

I'm so tired of men who complain that "nice guys always finish last."

The question is, do they? I don't think so.

I know many, many nice, stable, Christian men with stable jobs, nice guy friends, and a host of healthy hobbies who have married gals looking for just those qualities. My husband is only one of them.

The problem with the old adage, "Nice guys finish last," is... how do you define "nice"?

Now, if by "nice" you mean moody, sensitive, submissive, touchy, easily hurt, and unable to lead... sure, those guys finish last. But I think they're kidding themselves if they whine that it's because they are "nice."

It's not because you're nice. Sure, there are a minority of women out there who don't like nice guys and would rather find a leather-clad drug addict who can yell at them and hit them and make them cry. But that's not most of us.

Most of us want a guy who will care about our emotions, be friendly toward our mothers, hug us when we're sad, and take care of us when we're sick. That's good nice.

But we don't want a guy who "lets" us make most of the decisions, doesn't like conflict, won't stand up for himself, and is afraid to tell us no and give us a stern look every once in a while. That's bad nice. And our society is kicking out more and more of these guys.

On the first few dates, they're hard to tell apart from the good nice guys. But eventually, we start to notice little things. Like that he is afraid to say anything that will upset his mother. That he wants us to pick where we'll go and what we'll do, because all he is capable of saying is, "I don't care where we eat/what we do/what movie we see." A guy who will get his feelings hurt and then not tell us about it. A guy who complains a lot about his boss and work environment, but never actually goes and talks to his boss about it. A guy who prefers to give us whatever we want instead of risking making us angry. A guy who will always apologize, but never expect to be apologized to.

That's bad nice. In fact, I don't even consider it "nice." I'd call that passive.

There are some Domme women out there who enjoy submissive men and cultivate great relationships with them. There are also some powerhouse vanilla women out there just itching for a husband they can boss around and treat like a servant (they won't ever word it that way. They'll say, "It makes him happy to make me happy").

But most women want a man they can lean on and trust in an emergency. Someone who can protect them emotionally and physically, and that means having the physical power to do it and the emotional balls to follow through. Sure, they want a nice man who loves and provides for them, but they also want someone who can make strong decisions, discipline their children, and stand up for their family against evil bosses and in-laws.

So quit whining that "I'm just too nice, I guess."

It's not that you're too nice, because there is no such thing as being too nice. It's that aside from being a nice guy, you're also a pushover or indecisive or a wimp or passive. You probably don't like to look at yourself that way, so you make excuses like you're "nice."

Be honest with yourself. Who are the heroes of romance novels? Warriors. Heroes. Strong men. Men who are willing to stand up for themselves and their women and their families, physically if they have to, but most certainly verbally and emotionally. Men who are willing to fight battles and go out on a limb. They're probably also nice, wonderful husbands and caring fathers, but they're still men.

Think about it.

Too cold... too cold... just rambling

It's coooold here in Missouri. Very, very cold. (You folks in New England probably think I'm a huge wuss, and you'd be right.)

My poor hubby keeps asking hopefully if I'm in the mood for sex, and I keep having to turn the poor guy down. I'm too bloated and too exhausted for it to even be feasible, plus I'm recovering from a yeast infection and just generally too tired to do much in the way of anything.

The good news is, he's very patient. :)

What with the hormonal changes, it's not that I'm not interested in sex.... it's just that it's physically not feasible at the moment. I have dreams about sex and slow, tantalizing fingering that's WAY better than it could be in real life, but when I'm awake I'm just too uncomfortable. It seems unfair for my body to be acting this way so early. :(

So, any of you have great ideas? I'd be open to the obvious solutions, but hand jobs and oral sex take him like 40 minutes to come, if he comes. My muscles and patience are just not up to that. :(

If only there were a way to get him so turned on that he could come after 5 or 10 minutes... sigh.

So anyway, my good friend the Rabbit Vibe still seems like a great idea to me (hormone changes = far better and faster and more delicious orgasms than I'd been having lately!) but when your body insists that you go to bed by 9 pm, and by 7 pm you're looking longingly at the clock wondering how you'll make it til bedtime.... it's hard.

The good thing? Hormones are, by nature, variable, so in a week I may be rarin' to go! :)

In other news, my fingers and toes may never be warm again. My dad bought me one pair of super-thick hunting socks, and I may have to buy some more. It is so freaking miserable outside that I come in and huddle under the blanket and drink hot soup and turn up the heat... but my feet and hands are still freezing. I HATE YOU, Winter!

Only 4 more months til spring......

Biting

Biting turns me on.

Especially on my back and neck.

Right now, I'm too bloated and sore to have any hands roaming around my tummy/thighs/breasts, so thank goodness for biting!

Bring it on. ;)

Pregnant?

I haven't been posting because I've spent all my free time obsessively checking and re-checking the internet with posts such as

• very early pregnancy signs
• HGc hormone tests
• implantation cramping
• how long after implantation to take test?
• baby clothes
• etc...

Sadly, Google only knows so much, and it can't tell you much more on the 5th or 6th search than it did on the first.

So I have nothing BDSM-related to talk to you about, because I am thinking only about pregnancy. Am I pregnant? Do I want to be pregnant? Is this too early? What about our plans to move? Where on earth will we put a nursery? Will the cats ever be happy with a new person in the house? What about my job? How will I keep working if I'm sick, tired, and nauseous? Etc., etc. etc.

I've been having some symptoms that could definitely signal early pregnancy, like:

• head rushes
• yeast infection
• sensitivity to smells
• emotional
• easily tired out
• super hungry, then feel full after 5 bites
• light cramping on my left side for a day

But I have had none of the more obvious pregnancy signs, such as

• loss of appetite
• nausea
• sore breasts
• spotting
• bleeding gums
• cramping that lasts for 4-6 days

So that's what I'm doing.... waiting.... waiting.... waiting....

While waiting, I have learned many interesting things about early pregnancy and the hopeful moms who post on early pregnancy forums, such as:

• TTC means "trying to conceive"
• AF means "Aunt Flow" or your period
• conception occurs a day or two after your ovulate, no matter when you had sex
• implantation can occur 6-12 days after you ovulate
• your body won't start making HGC until 6-15 days after implantation occurs
• early pregnancy has a 25-50% chance of ending in miscarriage (that fact TERRIFIES me... how to pregnant women ever relax?!)

The way I see it, there are pros each way. If I'm pregnant, that means:

• a new baby!!!! What a blessing!
• we're not infertile
• my family will be THRILLED when I tell them
• my dad's birthday is coming up at the end of February, so if we ARE pregnant I have the best way to tell them: have him open his gift, and inside just have an infant onsie in camo colors (my dad loves to hunt and fish)

If I'm not pregnant, this means:

• My Dom can keep looking for a job out of state, because moving would still be an option
• My Dom will not be stuck for a few more years at a job he hates
• we won't be paupers in 10 months
• I can keep drinking caffeine and enjoying the occasional vice at a party
• I won't be emotional, sore, moody, sick, or tired for 9 months
• We'll have to try again and I'll have another terrible 14 days of interminable waiting.

I have a doctor's appointment today. I called Planned Parenthood just to see how much their tests are, although I have serious reservations about spending my money at such an anti-Christian, pro-abortion and pro-morning-after-pill place. I probably couldn't have spent my money there in good conscience, but anyway my normal doctor has tests for $50 and PP has them for $110, so it was an easy decision to make, both financially and morally. (Please don't send me hate mail if you love PP.... I'm just saying it doesn't line up with a lot of my beliefs.)

Wish us luck (either way, I guess)!

Sex Tips that Actually Work

I spend a lot of time on this blog talking about sex + BDSM, but today let's just talk about sex.



The internet is full of sex tips, sex tips for men, sex tips for women, sex tips for couples, top 5 sex tips, top 10 sex tips, top 3 sex tips, blah blah blah blah. And I've used lots of those sites, and I'm sure all those tips work for the people who wrote them and probably lots of other people besides.



It's time to add my own.



My Dom and I have been exploring sex together since we got married 13 months ago. It was a rough start (of course), even taking into consideration that my mother had warned me it would be a rough start and to give it some time. Luckily, sex got better after a few months of practice and a lot of communication, plus some unfortunate fights and tears along the way. C'est la vie, I suppose. :)



So what works for me, that no sex guides or "Sex Tips 101" had ever mentioned?

• Not all women like it deep. Every book and website anywhere talks about how missionary style can get boring (I'll get to that in a moment) and for deeper, more pleasurable penetration that will hit the woman's G-spot, to try the woman-on-top position. Can I just say "Ouch"??? I've never liked this position. It hurts!!! It doesn't hit my G-spot; it bruises my cervix. I can barely walk afterward. So men, don't just assume that because 98% of websites say women love deep penetration with her on top that it's true. I'm sure it's great for some people, but if your wife is built small down there or doesn't like having her cervix battered, try shallow thrusts or missionary.
• Give missionary a chance. Missionary is probably the most maligned position out there. It's supposedly really boring. Well, I disagree. Missionary rocks! I say this for two reasons: emotional and physical. Emotionally, missionary puts my Dom on top and me below. I feel safe and submissive. He feels in control. Physically, missionary allows him to do both shallow or deep thrusts, and he can create friction along the upper wall of my girl parts, leading to a lovely sensation for me. Sign me up!
• Change it up: contrary to popular belief, women do not all want deep thrusts. Some do want it all the time, but most of us like it some of the time. It feels good at first, but then it starts to hurt or get boring. So change it up about every 30 seconds, or just watch your wife's face to see when it changes from "Oh yes!" to "I'm waiting patiently for him to be through." When it's the latter, that's your sign that she's getting bored.
• Shallow, shallow, shallow. Do you know that most of a woman's nerve endings are in the first 1/3 of her vaginal canal? This means sex feels better if it's shallow. Instead of aiming for as deep as you can go, try shallow thrusts at varying speeds with the tip of your cock. If she likes it, keep it up!
• How to fight anxiety and distraction. Do you have a partner who gets bored, or scared, or tense, or nervous, or distracted during sex? (People with ADHD, anxiety, depression, or past abuse will tend to show these symptoms.) Keep them in the moment with a little nod to BDSM: a light hand around the throat, or a yank of the hair, or a light (or hard!) slap may be just the thing to keep him engaged and into what you're doing.
• Try more than one stimulation. If you're giving him oral sex, massage his balls with your hands. If you're giving him a hand job, lick and kiss his stomach. If you're having sex, squeeze down on him and then try to push him out. If you're teasing her nipples, alternate between your mouth and fingers when she doesn't expect it. One of my favorite sensations is when my Dom is using a vibrator or his tongue on my clit, and he starts to slowly stroke his fingers down my outer lips. I'm not sure why, but it drives me crazy and usually can help me tip over the edge if I'm having trouble orgasming.
• There is only one way into a vagina. That's right; the vaginal canal is situated at an angle and only at that precise angle can you enter without pain or a lot of effort. It's a big turn-off when a guy starts prodding around down there without a clue. My husband has hit my butt cheeks, my thigh, my outer lips, and my clit, but none of those allow entrance to my... well, you know. It's a big mood killer. If you just start forcing your way in at the wrong angle, it hurts. Trust me. Also, if your misguided poking ends up near her butt and get fecal germs on your penis, you can cause a serious infection when you transfer to her insides. How do you solve this? My advice: either use a hardhat equipped with flashlight to light your way, or use your finger first. Once you have figured out the correct entrance point and the correct angle, you can guide your penis in the same way. Everyone's happy.
• Don't just thrust. Thrusting is great. But you might also try just rocking your pelvises together, which is also great. Another good tip is to let the man lie still and have the woman squeeze her kegel muscles around him as he slowly, slowly lets her draw him into her. Not only will this draw him in slowly, but it feels great to both partners. Personally, I can come easier from this than any other method, and my Dom loves the feel, too.
• Be a 10-speed, not a 2-speed. Don't just have "fast" mode and "less fast because I'm getting tired" mode. Try lots and lots of different speeds. Try slow and deep, slow and shallow, medium speed, medium-fast, and fast. Try fast and shallow and then fast and deep. If the woman is rocking her hips against you slowly, match her rhythm. When she starts to go faster, match her rhythm. By keeping in time with what her body is doing, you're guaranteed to be going at the speed that feels best to her at the time, instead of trying to thrust quickly while she's thrusting slowly.
• My new ultimate sex tip. I mean, I seriously love this one. I have to give credit to my Dom, who discovered it. Start with shallow thrusts near her entrance, then move to shallow thrusts about halfway into her, then shallow thrusts deep within her. The trick here is to not speed up, but stay at about the same speed. Once you've done each for a few seconds, go back to shallow thrusts and start the whole thing over. Repeat as long as she keeps making encouraging noises and faces.