The answer: Spiritually, physically, emotionally, and mentally.
You can't have a fulfilling sex life unless you have a fulfilling marriage, and you can't have a fulfilling marriage unless you have a fulfilling relationship with God. This may seem odd to the non-religious folks out there, but it's true. God created marriage to be a symbol to the world of His relationship with His Son. God created sex within marriage to by a symbol of the Holy Spirit, the life-giving force in the world, and to promote unity and love inside the sacred sacrament of marriage.
Of course, the Bible places the husband in the position of leadership over the wife. It doesn't mean he's the boss, or better, or superior, or that he can be a jerk; it means that he must love, cherish, and lead his wife, even though she is his equal, just the way God cherished and led Christ. No one would dare to say that Christ isn't equal to the Father (they are the same God!), but the Father still led Jesus while He was on earth.
If the Bible says the husband and wife are equals, but gives the responsibility of headship to the man, does that mean Christian couples can't enjoy a BDSM power exchange where the wife is the Domme?
While the Bible never directly addresses roles within sexuality, I tend to agree with the Christian BDSM website Sex In Christ:
We believe that a man can adopt a submissive and servile role and allow his wife
to dominate him sexually, if it is absolutely clear that outside of the bedroom,
the husband is the spiritual head of the marriage.
If you're a Christian top in a BDSM relationship, the first place you'll want to look for guidance in your relationship is God's Own Word, the Bible.
Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of
the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. -I Corinthians 11:3
Power, in and out of the bedroom, is both a right and a responsibility. The man is not left to lead a strong-willed woman alone; he is to look at the Biblical examples of God's leadership and to mirror that for his wife. As Christ leads him, so he leads his wife. It is a clear heirarchy with Jesus, not the husband, at the top. This is how Christian tops differ from other tops; while other tops may be the "god" of the relationship, a Christian top is only one step in the ladder.
If God is the ultimate leader, what Toppish characteristics does He show in the Bible?
- He is strong.
- He is protective.
- He is a warrior.
- He is brave.
- He is decisive.
- He protects His flock from danger.
- He puts God above all else.
- He is kind.
- He is loving.
- He is forgiving.
If you're a top in a Christian BDSM relationship, I suggest you begin a Bible study on your own of examples of leadership in the Bible. You can find many examples of God's leadership and the many, many qualities that make Him such a wonderful, caring leader. He is King, Warrior, Father, Lover, Husband, Friend, Servant, Priest, Pastor, Shepherd, Master, and Creator, and in all these capacities He demonstrates a profound leadership ability that we here on Earth can hope to emulate!
In your Bible study, you might also want to include examples of human leadership. Hosea, David, Solomon, Paul, and Abimelech all showed good leadership qualities. So did Abigail, Naomi, Boaz, and Mary's husband Joseph. Study these people and the stories that have been passed down to us. They all led in vastly different ways, so take notes and decide which ways are right for you. What made them such good leaders? How can you emulate their godly actions?
Of course, the Bible gives us many examples of some not so good leaders as well! Adam, Saul, David, Solomon, and Noah were all human enough that they made mistakes when they were called to be leaders for their wives, children, or kingdoms. Study the mistakes they made and discern how you can avoid them!
You might also try books like Liberated Through Submission, Wild at Heart, and The Dirt on Dating. These are wonderful books to help Christians learn to lead and submit as God calls us to in different situations.
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