Of course, there is a downside to online BDSM communities, as well. The major one for me is the number of stalkers, weirdos, and just plain psychos who seem to stalk the cyber halls of BDSM sites. From strange Doms you've never met writing you without preamble and ordering you to "obey your new master" and move to his hometown, to rude people who feel the need to attack you, to strange couples from your area who contact you and say they're looking for a "third" and want to interview you.... there are a lot of weirdos out there.
The second downside, and one that doesn't bother most non-Christians but bothers me, is that a lot of these sites feature a lot of nudity. And when I say nudity, I mean porn.... not tasteful art. I'm not sure why, but apparently since people on these sites are letting loose their "true" kinky selves after the repression of their dail
y vanilla lives, they feel the need to show their "kinkiness" by posing naked. From pictures of breasts to penises to vaginas, from oral sex to vaginal sex, you'll see it all. Personally, I don't like it. Being naked doesn't prove to the world how "kinky" you are. Also, I'd rather talk to new friends without having to see their penises. But on all these sites, nudity is an unfortunate fact of life. (At least, until someone starts an online fetish community with no nudity--hint, hint!)Of course, I understand a lot of people on these sites risk their careers, families, friendships, and church lives if they get discovered on a BDSM website, so they don't want to show their faces. I solve this problem by posting profile pictures of myself that show cute art, my cats, my feet, my profile, or some other non-nude part of me that doesn't completely show my face.
The other downside to these websites, of course, is that on the internet, people don't have to be themselves. When you correspond with someone--and many people begin seriously long-term BDSM relationships this way!--you never know if the hot 35-year-old male is actually a creepy 67-year-old woman, an underage 14-year-old, or even just a hot 35-year-old male who will turn out to date rape you when you finally meet him. When you use these sites, my motto is: be careful, be careful, be careful!
My advice is to never use these sites to find a BDSM relationship. Relationships should be based on mutual love, respect, and common beliefs and values. Kink is something you introduce in later. Kinky Christians should always be searching for a fellow Christian mate first, and worrying about the kinky part second. Don't get me wrong: they're both important, but God is pretty clear that you need a Christian in a marriage, and He never mentions having a compatible sexuality as a prerequisite for marriage.
But if you don't use these sites to find a relationship, they can be great learning tools. Since I've never tried to find a partner online, I've been spared the agony and heartbreak of trying to wade through all the crazy internet weirdos to find "The One." I can just sit back, relax, and make friendships, post to interesting conversations, read about fetishes and kinks, and be an active member in an online fetish community without the drama. Of course, even those of us whose profiles clearly say "Taken" will still get the occasional "Hey, I'm a Dom and you're a sub, so you wanna have sex?" messages, but they're easy to delete and ignore when I already have a happy, healthy relationship at home.
In short: the internet kink community can be a bane to your existence, or a fun hobby where you meet cool people from the safe anonymity of your home. Use it safely, be smart, and don't meet strangers from the internet. There's a lot to learn on these sites, so have at it and have fun!
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