Bondage for Beginners

The great thing about ropes is that they tend to be pretty tame.



Sure, you might flip your new boyfriend out if you say, "Put a leash on me and make me bark like a dog!" or "Slap me hard." But no one's going to get really bent out of shape if you want to indulge in a little light bondage. Ropes, handcuffs, ties, scarves, sheets, and all sorts of fun bondage devices can be found around the house for some light bondage.



I'm not a fan of fuzzy handcuffs because I don't see BDSM as being "fuzzy." If BDSM were a shape, I think it'd have all sorts of hard angles and rough, steel lines. It'd be sexy, hot, hard, intimidating, maybe even painful and cold, but not fuzzy. At least, not for me. :)



But fuzzy handcuffs can be a good way to introduce a lover to light BDSM. So can any cheap handcuffs you buy or receive as a gag gift. But I have to warn you: if you want a light, giggly scene the pink fuzzies will be fine, but if you want a more intense scene, stay away from the fuzz!

Other great ideas for casual, painless bondage:

• sheets (great for tying limbs to beds!)
• ties
• scarves
• duct tape (tie it sticky side out and be prepared to use scissors to remove it)
• bondage rope (softer than regular rope = no rope burns!)
• handcuffs
• computer cords (unexpectedly strong)
• bandanas
• old sheets torn into strips (great recycling!)

Honestly, I adore being tied up. I don't want to be tied hard, or in an uncomfortable position, or so my limbs fall asleep, but a little light bondage is a fast way to get me excited for whatever is coming next. It makes my body hyper-aware of whatever sensations are happening, and makes me feel totally at my Dom's control.

If you want to introduce your partner to some sexy fun, try bondage!

Addicted to Vibes?

Here's something about vibrators that the sex stores won't tell you.

Sure, vibes are great, and they come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and intensities, so it never hurts to have a few (although I only use my favorite one or two). But overusing them can make your body rely too much on a vibe. Read: you can't orgasm without one anymore.

As much as I love my little purple rabbit vibe from AdultToyShoppe, it can't come close to giving me the pleasure, emotions, and orgasms like my loving human mate. Plus, once you use a vibrator that much, the orgasms become less intense and, well, less enjoyable. Your body gets used to that same ol' feeling, and it becomes to feel "old hat."

Well, I was having trouble orgasming with my partner at all, so we'd become more and more reliant on the rabbit vibe, or its pink counterpart from France, to finish me off. Eventually, I found I could only come with the vibe. Why? A human finger or tongue just can't vibrate like a battery-operated machine.

I scoured the web and found this is actually pretty common. So a word of warning: enjoy your vibes, but don't let them become a staple. It's the fine print those sex toy stores don't let you know. Sure, a vibe is great for some help or for a lonely night, but don't let it replace a human touch. Because that, after all, is what making love is all about.

For more information on this topic, read:

An Open Letter to All Women: Lay of the Vibes! by David Wygant

Vibrators: Too Much of a Good Thing? by Amber Madison

Daddy Spanked Me!

I got home from work today, and "the urge" struck me as I was changing out of my bright orange dress jacket into a t-shirt.

"Hey, umm, you want to, umm...?" I asked.

There was a moment's silence, and then a very happy Dom threw me over his shoulders and headed over to the bed.

We made out for a few minutes. He pressed his hard denim-covered cock into my tummy where it feels sooo good. We took off our clothes and he knelt over me, fingers deep inside me working my G-spot, while I laid on my back and jacked his dick. Never a huge fan of the semi-erect penis, I was gratified to feel him fully hard and smooth in my hand. We both had a few moments of panting, moaning, and wetness. Yumm.

Then I rolled over and stopped. He wanted to keep going, but I said no. "You have class in 5 minutes," I pointed out. He persisted. I shook my head and said no. I rolled over and smirked to myself, thinking I'd won (again). Women always have the power in a sexual relationship. At least in mine they do.

And then he spanked me!

I didn't want to be spanked, so I whined and tried to roll away. He got the paddle, straddled my legs so I couldn't roll or squirm, and paddled me. He told me I'd wasted 10 minutes of his "sex" time, so I'd get one swat per minute. The ten swats hurt. They were slow with long pauses in between, which made it way worse. I had time to lie there and let the pain soak through me in a terrible way between each spank.

At the end, I curled up and pouted. "Not fair!" I whined. Daddy hugged me and held me tight. "It's fair," he assured me. I wasn't sure what to do--get angry? yell at him? whine? sulk? take back the power? ...I wasn't sure, so I just cuddled him happily.

Because he'd spanked me.

Polygamy and Christians

One of the most common aspects of BDSM is polygamy--called "poly" by many kinksters.

The majority of kinksters are poly, but I don't have specific numbers. Being monogamous is, at best, cheerfully tolerated as a "different" kink or, at worst, ridiculed by non-monogamous kinksters. Somo monogamists have reported being 100% welcomed in their local communities, while others have reported being snickered at or put down. It all depends on where you come from.

Being "poly" means different things for different people, but it always means having more than one BDSM partner. Some people are mostly monogamous but play with another person on occasion. Others have full-time houses where a Master or Mistress might have multiple slaves. In these cases, often there is an Alpha slave, and all other slaves fit into a heirarchy within the house. These are called poly households.

What really surprises me in many of these cases is that Christians in the BDSM community are not against a polygamist lifestyle. One of the most hotly debated topics on Christian forums is actually polygamy, polyamory, and its morality!

I'll state right off that bat that I'm for monogamy. I don't think sex or love should be shared with more than one person; I don't think it's the way God intended it. But I'll also admit that the Bible is not totally clear on this issue, and many Christians who are poly do have Biblical backing for their stances.

Below, I'll list the main scriptural verses and arguments used by both sides of the poly debate.

Pro-Polygamy

• Many of the patriarchs in the Bible had multiple wives or concubines, including Abraham, Jacob, David, and Solomon.
• In Exodus 21:10, God gave a commandment that if a man took a second wife, he had to treat them both equally in all areas. God did not condemn polygamy, but protected the rights of the 1st wife. Deuteronomy 21:16-21 also seems to assume that some people in the Old Testament had multiple wives.
• In 2 Samuel 12:8, God gives David Saul's wives as a blessing.
• God never forbade polygamy, and in fact blessed men who were polygamists (Abraham, Jacob, David, etc.)
• When Genesis 2:24 refers to being "one flesh" with one's wife, it does not state you can not become one flesh with more than one person.
• In 1 Timothy 3:2, Paul says overseers, deacons, and bishops should be "the husband of but one wife." This implies Christians not in leadership positions could be poly.

Anti-Polygamy

• God did not give Adam two wives, and seems to have intended marriage to be monogamous when He created it in Genesis. Polygamy does not appear in the Bible until Lamech took two wives. Genesis 4:19-24 shows how Lamech was a prideful, boastful man whose heart was far from God in many areas.
• When Israel became a nation, God in Deuteronomy 17:15-17 commanded that the kings not take multiple wives or other possessions to themselves. Multiple wives would have turned their hearts from God (and this happened to Solomon).
• God never approved of polygamy, but tolerated it. He may have blessed polygamists such as David and Abraham, but He also blessed murderers and adulterers like David. Forgiving and loving the person does not mean He condoned their actions.
• Matthew 5:31-32 shows Jesus saying God only allowed divorce because the people's hearts were hard. He makes it clear a man can only have one wife or will be in adultery, which is a sin. Jesus taught a monogamous style of marriage.
• 1 Timothy 3:2 shows that monogamy is God's ideal form for marriage by making Christian leaders uphold a one-man/one-woman union. The verse may not even refer to polygamy, but to the fact that a divorced man is not eligible for leadership.
• A man is instructed to "leave his father and mother" and become "one flesh" with his wife in Genesis 2:24. You can only become "one flesh" with one person at a time.
• Old Testament verses regarding polygamy reflect the Israelis' ancient culture, not God's commands. God permitted divorce, polygamy, and slavery in the OT as part of His people's cultures, but that does not make them morally acceptable.

For more info on the Bible and polygamy, please see Question 150 and BibleBell for views against polygamy. I've used some of their information in this article.

Got Answers also has a lovely piece on Biblical polygamy. Other non-poly sites that nevertheless accurately report both sides are Bible Truths, Apologetics Index, and EadsHome Ministries. Please see Polygamy of the Bible abd Christian Polygamy for information on Christians who believe polygamy is acceptable; I was unable to find more sites on this topic, but please feel free to let me know if you find more pro-poly sites that are professional and reliable.

Review: Boss Lady and Angel Vibes

Babeland is always having awesome sales, and I love their current one! I've been drooling over their We-Vibe (a yummy-looking deluxe hands-free vibrator you can wear during sex) for months, and right now they're offering $20 off the vibrator, plus a free BabeLicious.

If the We-Vibe doesn't tickle your fancy, I propose two other vibrators you can get from Babeland: The Boss Lady and the Angel.

The reason I propose them together is because, well... together they rock! I've been playing around with them singly, and they are fun, but together... whoa.

Let me explain.

What is so cool about these toys is that they are both G-spot toys and they are also both vibrators. Their special curved tip makes for great G-spot stimulation, but the fact that they vibrate means they can feel great against your clit, too. This is one reason I love vibrating G-spot toys, because they are so versatile.

The Angel vibe is shown below:
What I love about the Angel is that this unique vibe has a shape you won't find anywhere else. It's small and fits inside easily, and it's terribly comfortable. The curved tip makes for easy G-spot fun, but what I adored about this vibe was that the same slender, curved tip feels awesome on my clit! I can use this vibe as a G-toy, clit toy, or both.

Angel is small (about 4 inches) and compact, so great for travelers like me. It also has eight intensity levels so I never got bored, and also three different pulsation patterns. Because it is so small, lightweight, comfortable, and can be used on my G-spot to warm up and then my clit to finish off, this has become my #1 traveling vibrator.

So I got this great idea to try the Angel together with the Boss Lady (shown at left). Wow!

The Boss Lady is thick and hard, so I enjoy it when I'm wanting a sense of fullness inside me. My Dom enjoyed using it with me and watching my face! The vibrations are really powerful, and the curved tip also provides for really good G-spot stimulation. The Boss Lady is also hefty and hard enough that it can be used as a great dildo even without the vibrations. However, this silicone I found to be a bit harder than some other vibrators, so I would recommend using it only with lots of lubricant. I tried it without lube, and even though I was wet and ready, the Boss Lady irritated my skin. Once I applied some lube, though, I had no problems.

So my genius idea was to slide the Angel into my G-spot to warm me up. Once I was ready, I used the Boss Lady to deliver powerful vibrations inside me while I held the tip of the Angel on my clit, using different speeds to keep my turned on. It felt great, so I highly recommend these toys together! However, it's a bit hard to wield the two vibes together without a partner helping, so invite your partner to hold one for you so you can enjoy the ride.

I enjoyed both the Angel and the Boss Lady, especially in tandem. But if you only want one vibe, I'd go with the Angel because it is so comfortable and versatile. Either way, it's a fun buy!