Places to Hit, Spank, Bite, and Where Not To!

Discipline (the "D" in BDSM) is probably growing to be one of my very favorite S&M activities as a Sub, but it wasn't always that way. This is probably because 1. I dated Doms who were too vanilla or just too big of a pussy to ever hit me, and 2. I regarded people who had to be hit to enjoy sex as weird, sexually dysfunctional perverts who just couldn't enjoy making love and had some unhealthy desire to be hit. This just goes to show how little I knew about discipline and its wonderful variety.

Although I'm a sub, I don't like all types of discipline. For example, I rather dislike spanking, which is probably the single most common type of discipline used. But as I've explored my sexuality with several Doms over the years, I gradually began to enjoy the feeling of intesified pleasure I got from a slight pinch or, eventually, a good bite. And now that I'm with a Dom I completely love and trust, I find for the first time I can open myself up to experimentation in this totally sexy and abandoned area of BDSM.

So, if you're curious about how to hit, bite, pinch, spank, paddle, or whip your Sub, read below: tips from a real-life Sub who knows what feels good and what doesn't.

First, some basic common sense is in order. Talk before you hit! Don't ever surprise a sub with a whack without a warning. Broach the subject with them beforehand and see how they react. Are they shocked? Disgusted? Surprised? Worried? Afraid? Excited? Depending on your partner, expect a mix of many of these. Sometimes you need to expose someone to the idea first, then give them a few days or weeks to mull it over. I can attest that there are some activities I greeted with a "No way!" only to find my curiousity piqued. As I became accustomed to the idea, I gradually found myself willing and even eager to try it.

Second, communicate with your sub. If you two agree to try spanking or biting, try it out gently at first and gradually work up. For one, the more turned on your partner gets, the higher his or her pain threshold will be, so don't ever try to hurt a not-turned-on person; it just hurts! As you work your partner into arousal, go slowly. A moaned, "Do it harder!" or a quick, "Ow, that hurt!" is all you need to find your sub's favorite level of pain.

Here are some general guidelines I've found for various types of inflicting pain on your loved one (and remember, to them it probably feels like intense pleasure; the pain won't sink in til later!)

Biting

I mention this first because it has long been my very favorite activity! Nothing is so sexy as being nibbled or bitten by your lover. Nibbling can feel great everywhere: nipples, breasts, arms,
ears, neck, feet, and thighs. Remember that armpits are actually an erogenous zone and try licking or biting there to see how your partner reacts.

When you want to bite a little harder, remember--stick to meaty areas. The pain will be too intense if you chomp down hard on a bony area or if you miss and only bite the sensitive top layer of skin. Aim for mucsley, meaty parts of the body! I'm a thin girl, and some of my favorite places to be bitten are my neck, shoulders, upper chest area, sides, and upper back. My Dom can really sink his teeth in and known my cry of pain is also a cry of pleasure.

For me, my thighs are too sensitive and the genitals are a definite, definite NO! They are both too sensitive and the pain just doesn't transfer to pleasure; it hurts!

One of the sexiest moves you can try is to flip your partner over and bite them on the back of the neck. This is what lions and other large mammals do to their mates in the wild to hold them still as they mate, and there is nothing so sexy and empowering as feeling your partner go weak and limp in your arms, submitting with a sigh of contentment as you sink your teeth perfectly into their upper shoulder/neck.

Hitting
This is one I honestly wasn't open to for a while because it reminded me too much of physical abuse. However, I've found that hitting can add a needed jolt of adrenaline through my body that feels absolutely great. As I've grown more comfortable with this activity, I've found myself fantasizing about being slapped ruthlessly as my Dom comes.

I would begin with an open-palm hit and not move to a closed fist until you and your partner are both comfortable with it; a slap may sting but a full-on punch could do serious tissue damage and leave you with a bruise. I enjoy being slapped across the face (lightly at first, with full force if I'm turned on and we are being wild) and my Dom says he loves the look of complete shock and then lust that comes over my face when he hits me. He also enjoys raising his hand and reveling in the feeling of power that comes as I cringe away: this is for those brave souls who are turned on by knowing there is nothing in your partner's mind at that moment but you--will you hit them or or won't you?

Slapping can be great and sexy, but remember not to hit someone whose mouth is open: you can knock their jaw out of whack or cause them actual pain. Also, alternate between regular slapping and backhanding, and try to get both cheeks evenly so one does not bruise too much.

Other great places to be hit can include the breasts, thighs, buttocks, and legs, but be careful not to strike the lower back because you risk injuring the vital organs. Personally, I don't enjoy having any of these areas hit as hard as I do my face, but I know some people do; still, there is something very sexual about getting several nice, light slaps across my inner thighs as my Dom spreads my legs--it brings blood rushing to my nerve endings and makes that part of my body extra-sensitive!

Spanking
Spanking is generally applied to the buttocks and upper thighs. You can do it with a flat palm, closed fist, gloves, or any number of objects (paddles, whips, canes...). Because these are meatier areas of the body, you can let loose and really hit hard, but again, watch out for internal organs! Try different types of gloves (leather, kitchen, boxing) or different touches (ending with an ass grab, a pinch, or clawing down the buttocks with your nails) to see what appeals to you.

For some people, sporadic spanks are all that's needed to provide a quick jolt of intensity without becoming too painful. For some, it's more about the emotional humiliation: being fiercly punished by a parental figure, exposing your cellulite-ridden ass for someone else's pleasure, or being pulled across a Dom's lap and furiously spanked like a child. Others need a more rhythmic, repetitive spank to turn them on and send delicious waves of pleasure through their genitals. (If your Sub is a woman and she is already turned on, bending her over your knee and spanking her repeatedly can really intensify the tightening in her clit; how hard you hit will depend on each woman.) Whether you tie someone up and whip her with a cane or simply give your partner a few lights spanks to encourage them to screw harder, spanking offers a veritable buffet for your sexual pleasure.

Pinching
I believe pinching is an often-overlooked component of BDSM because, well, it seems childish and petty, like your 7-year-old cousin at the last family reunion. But I assure you, pinching can be anything but childish when done the right way. Like hitting and spanking, be sure to avoid just pinching skin; get some fat or muscle between your fingers, too! Explore with light to hard pinching (featherlight can be a real turnon to warm up!), pinching and squeezing, pinching and pulling the skin, and pinching and twisting. Try pinching your partner's sides, butt, thighs, and nipples. If you're brave, try light pinching around the genitals to see how that is received.

Hair Pulling

Again, it may seem petty, but hair pulling is an invaluable tool to make someone feel dominated and restrained without causing a lot of pain. The trick here it to grab a fistful of hair near the roots, where it won't be so painful, and control your partner that way.

If you're on top, you can use your grip to yank their head back and expose their lips, neck, or nipples to licking, sucking, and biting. You can yank their hair as a great preparation for a good, hard face slap. There is nothing so sexy as when my Dom yanks me by the hair, making me moan, and then backs up, ordering me to kiss him. The more I struggle and reach, the more his grip on my hair hurts me, and the more I risk being punished for disobeying. And since I have control over how much struggling I do, we never risk it hurting too much for me to enjoy!

If you're on bottom, you can control your partner by grabbing a fistful of hair and forcing them back from you, or directing their head wherever you want them to go. Or, if you're doggy-style, you can add a sexy new layer of domination and control by yanking their hair back, forcing them to raise their head and become utterly motionless as you control them utterly from behind like a true Master.

And one last tip: if you want to try this but are too scared, talk to your partner to make sure it's okay. Once you get the go-ahead, don't hesitate or let up on the pain. Not only does that decrease your control and the pleasure of your sub, but it makes you look like a total wuss. Be confident, be strong, and if your Sub whines, let up on the pain immediately but follow it with a new, agonizing manner of making them Yours.