Nipple torture

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Even apart, the domination continues

Even though we are currently living apart while he starts a new job and I finish my old one and get our things packed, when we are together I find my Dom is being even more controlling of me. Sometimes I complain, but I am slowly growing used to it and accepting it. He wants to take our relationship to a deeper D/s dynamic, and I'm basically adjusting as it happens. He isn't asking me, but I have asked for more D/s in the past and so he knows I am okay with it on some level, even if outwardly I sometimes struggle against the control.

From long-distance, domination for us is very small. I know some couples who do great and creative long-distance D/s, such as a Mistress who forces her male sub to spank himself 150 times with the paddle and document it for her with pictures or webcam.

My husband and I don't do anything that intense. I've simply noticed little things, like him bossing me around more over the phone. When I pout and say, "You're being bossy!" he just grins and doesn't answer. I've also noticed that when we are together, he tells me things like, "You're mine" more often than he used to. I really enjoy it. On some level, if I hear it enough, I start to believe it. I may pout and complain and tell him I'm my own woman, but he doesn't give in and eventually he always wins... either by simple, calm waiting or, when I keep being stubborn, my pinching my nipples until I writhe and tell him he's right.

As I drove home today he told me on the phone that he'd enjoyed sex this weekend when we were together even more than usual. I asked him why, and he said it was because he felt like he was "taking" me both times. This is a fantasy that really turns him on (and it's not bad for me either, heh heh). I think this is since I'm 1.) pregnant and 2.) far from him, I feel and act a lot needier when we are together. This makes me act clingy and needy instead of stubborn and independent. When I act like I need his strength and masculinity (which I do), he reacts by feeling more turned on. I liked it because he felt, physically and emotionally, more masculine and in control. As a result of my neediness and femininity, his erection was stronger and he held me tighter and kissed me more passionately. Sex felt different than it ever had: he was holding me really tightly and kissing me harder than ever before. It was an awesome feeling when he came and gasped into my mouth as our tongues met. Even after sex was over, I kept wanting him to kiss me like that forever. We hadn't made out that ferociously since we were dating.

So that's my story for this weekend. I feel like we are heading in a good place. He is still being just as loving, kind, and forgiving as he has always been, but he's just being a bit more stern and commanding and I'm feeling free to be more emotional and show my weaknesses more.

I'm finally home. The laundry is on and the cats were happy I was back--they hate it when I leave so often now. They'd run out of water while I was away, even though I filled the dish the day I left, so they have basically been taking turns gulping out of the fresh water dish since my return. I'm hoping to relax some before the work week starts, and then see my honey soon.

Au revoir!

Pain to Control Me

Some people have places that feel more "submissive" than others. For instance, I enjoy having my nipples hurt. I don't like the pain, but I love the submissive feeling. On the other hand, other women like having their necks bitten or their clits pinched. To each her own, I say. As I mentioned in my last post, my Dom has been gone a lot. He's taken a new job and I'm finishing up my old one, so for 2 months we're living apart and seeing each other on weekends. It's hard, especially since we don't find time to spend real quality time bonding and talking as easily when we're only together for 1.5 days a week. Last weekend, however, we took some time where he pinned my arms behind my back (I like to be restrained with rope/handcuffs because I can't move, but he enjoys using his hands and feeling me fight) and pinched my nipples. Alone, this wouldn't turn me on so much, but when he looks into my eyes and tells me why he's doing it??.... I melt. When my Dom tells me quietly that he knows it hurts and it means for it to hurt, it turns me on so much. Those words turn me on more than touching ever could. I think this is because, when he's hurting me, part of my brain is confused about what exactly he means. There are several options:

• he doesn't realize he's hurting me and is just being inept at the pain/pleasure thing


• he's hurting me because he's an asshole


• he's hurting me because he wants me to feel controlled, to prove that I'm his

If I'm not sure, I tend to assume it's Option #1 above. This just annoys me that he can't tell if he's hurting me or not. Or, given my past experience with men, I figure it's also possible it's Option #2. But when he holds me down and hurts me and tells me that he's doing it on purpose, and that he owns me, and that I'm his to cause pain to as he wants.... ahhh, something about that just melts my heart and turns me on wildly.

Once he's hurt me and told me why and how he's doing so, I'm his. I'll let him fuck my mouth... I'll let him come all over me and rub it into my skin... I'll let him climb on top of me and slide into me as he tells me to serve him. Without that pain and feeling of being controlled, I'd never let those things happen. Yet in that moment, I'm completely his.

Doms.... take the time to communicate with your sub what you're doing, and why, and to make sure he or he knows that you know just how much pain you're causing.

*happy sigh*

Headcovering in Church and My Submission

My Dom has been gone for the last 2 weeks, so when he came home this week we had the best time ever. We chatted over coffee and empty plates at lunch (talking = "bonding time"!), browsed the Catholic bookstore in our area, got a lot done around the house, had a BBQ with a friend, and sat outside in the warm sunlight and talked about religion.

All in all, a great time!

When he has been gone so long, I tend to get sort of uppity with him. I forget who is in charge and just get used to doing my own thing, when and how I want. Then when he comes back and tries to re-assert dominance, I tend to frown a lot and complain. Just who does he think he is? I find myself thinking. I've been taking care of myself just fine.

For instance, after reading the Bible verse 1 Corinthians 11:2-16 about women covering their heads when praying (we interpret this as referring mostly to in church) as well as this insightful Muslim critique of Christian women who do not follow this command, my hubby and I decided to go ahead and cover my head during church services on Sundays. Because it would embarrass me, he graciously allows me to go bare-headed when we attend with my mother and family, but otherwise he is usually good to remember to grab a mantilla or scarf for me to hang over my head during church. I don't mind it, and generally I find it helps me to focus more on humility and paying attention in church than worrying about what my hair and makeup look like.

A side note: Yes, I know that many commentaries believe this verse only spoke about women's hair, or that it no longer applies today. However, after in-depth study, I tend to agree with scholars, like those at Words of His Grace, who think this command still applies today. And no, I do not think women who don't wear the headcovering are sinning or being bad Christians. This is simply a simple way that I think many nuns and Muslims today, and holy women of the past, showed their humility and modesty and faith.

It gives me a good feeling when my Dom runs into the bedroom to grab a mantilla (which he gifted me with this Christmas, a very special gift), carries it carefully in his pocket, and then unfolds it and silently hands it to me before the service. It makes me feel like this is something we are doing together, after joint study and prayer, and not just because I wanted to. I also appreciate that it makes me remember that I am under my husband's authority, and not just God's, although of course I'm always under God's first and foremost.

This week, however, I asked my Dom why he has me cover my head during church services on Sundays, but not when I go individually to weekday services every once in a while, and not when we pray or worship at home. The verse seems to be speaking to women in prayer, not just women in prayer at church.

He told me that, when I go to weekday mass alone, he does not mind if I follow our culture's tradition of not covering my head. He says since he is not there, I do not need a symbol of his authority. He likes the headcovering because it symbolizes both my humility as a Christian women (and especially as a submissive), but also my submission to him and to God. My question is: does the Bible indicate that I don't need to wear it when I'm at church alone? Is the headcovering supposed to represent a woman's submission to her husband or to men in general, at least within the church?

I'm not yet sure of these answers, and I'm excited to do some research and learn more.

Either way, it made me happy to sit there beside him and have my head covered, especially since he was the one who ran back inside to get the covering and who helped me make sure my hair stayed modestly covered during the service. It made me happy when he whispered to me how pretty it made me look. This outward symbol of submission helped me get back into the mindset of our D/s relationship as a married couple, even after he'd been gone for a long time and I'd gotten out of the habit of submitting.