Does Marriage Ruin Sex?

I was looking back over the emails my husband (who was then my boyfriend) and I wrote when I lived in Europe.

Boy, were they sexy.

We weren't having sex yet, but I think that made our chemistry better.

We talked so much about what we wanted.... our desires, our fantasies, our hopes. Because we weren't together, we spent a lot of phone time and chat time discussing our sexual histories and what we hoped for. We talked about what we thought was hot. I did research on BDSM and shared links and ideas with him.

All that talking about communicating got me... really hot and bothered.

I think the word for what we were doing is "seduction."

Now that we live in the same house and can actually have sex, it's lost a lot of its appeal for me. I think for me, sex is 95% mental. We can be having sex, and it feels good, and I might even have an orgasm that ranks at about a 4 on a 1-10 scale, but then he'll tell me to call him daddy or say something really wrong and sexy and I'll have an orgasm that's WAY better, completely based on what he just said and no what he was doing.

People say your biggest sex organ is your brain. I guess they are right, for me at least.

It's a lot less sexy to have sex when you just.... have sex. It's a lot hotter when you can't have sex, and you're forced to talk about it and want it and wish for it and imagine it without ever getting to experience it.

Marriage has ruined the "sexy wrong" part of sex for me. It's a bummer, I know. But it's taken away about 97% of what I thought was hot and sexy anyway. Now, even if we talk about it or communicate, I just feel like we're talking so we can go into the bedroom and do it, not for the pure sexy pleasure of talking about it. And when I feel pressured to do it, like I know it's expected, it again makes it a lot less sexy.

Being pregnant, I'm having a LOT of horny dreams lately. In my dreams, I'm completely turned on and my husband is usually teasing me for hours or punishing me.

In real life? We just don't have time for that anymore. We don't have 3 hours to set up a scene and slowly torture me, screw with my head, make me cry, turn me on, and then have sex. Maybe if we ever had the same days off, but we don't. Plus he hates to tie me up or choke me or upset me too much when I'm pregnant, which I totally understand.

But I'm re-reading our old emails, and I think they're very sexy and hot. Maybe we can get that back some day.

Let's hope!