I lie and wait

I lie and wait for the triple header I know is coming, 

That I know I deserve after mentioning threesomes and reading erotica and hitting him 

Am I in for a bad night? 

He has trained me somehow,

Changed me somehow, 

Made me this woman who lies in bed awaiting her triple fucking, asking for it, needing it

Needing the connection,

The atonement for sins past 

Waiting to be overcome,

Needing to be reminded who's boss 

The baseball game captures his attention a few moments more

I'm tingling, nervous 

Still aching from the welt his hand left on me when I hit him--

He already marked me

What punishment is in store? 

The game is almost over. 

Husband Punishes Wife Without Spanking

There is a serious lack of information on any sort of husband-led relationship that includes disciplines without spanking. Seriously, every time you type it in, whether you're looking for tips or support or erotic or that damn porn that always creeps up begging for clicks, because heaven forbid you want information not found in highly unrealistic pornography.

We have a relationship with punishment and domination without spanking. In fact, I haven't been spanked in years. Not only because I've been so good. Also because that's not the way our D/s works.

"Why Anal Hurts" Review

In his essay "Why Anal Hurts" the 40-year-old author is quick to point out that he advocates painful sexual submission, not sexual abuse or rape. However, he still has ideas most feminists would hate. His whole idea is that men were made to penetrate and dominate, and women were made to submit and receive penetration. From an evolutionary point of view, he's right, and he uses this to justify a man training and hurting a woman with whom he is in a committed relationship:

Anal sex, most sexual acts in fact, should be painful, degrading, humiliating, or some combination of the three for a woman. The reason for that is quite simple: When something pleases you, you are not submitting to it. You are not demonstrating to your man that his protection, shelter, and provision are worthwhile to you. You are not proving that, of the 110 million women in America of potential breeding age, he made the right choice in selecting you to be bound to for the rest of his life.

The truth is, my Dom would probably agree: most sexual acts should be painful, degrading, or humiliating. For him, it's not about showing gratitude for choosing me, it's about submitting as God calls me to and repaying him for taking care of me in our lives.

This explains another reason why anal sex must brutalize and torture your woman. For her entire life—at least as long as you have been hearing that you are a second-class citizen because of your cock—your little slut has been hearing that she’s the one with all the power and control in any and every sexual relationship because of her pussy.

Strongly put, but definitely something my Dom would also agree with. He loves to hurt and bruise me on the inside. He strives to never harm me, but to bruise.  He likes to go wild on top of me and know I am helpless to stop him. He loves to finger me as I try vainly to pull his hand away. And he does believe that too many women today are not dominated in the bedroom, and too many men today are raised to be wusses and wimps. In that, I can agree with him.

The essay is a bit pompous and self-congratulatory, but the author's message is valuable and I believe the article is definitely worth a read.

In the dark of the night

Darkness fall. A soft rain patters outside. 

He takes me, sharp pain, too much--I squirm and gasp and try to move away, 

But his hands are inexorable

Drawing me to him

Shuddering, tears threaten

The sharp pain that gives way to the dull ache that brings shameful convulsions--

Involuntary, not building but crashing through

How from the depths of my body pleasure can be ripped from me with the hands of a thief

 How the pain is almost more than I can bear but the endorphins race through me

And I shudder, 

and I surrender, 

and I give.

Anal + TIH

While I consider our relationship to fall within the umbrella of Taken in Hand (TIH) relationships, I think for us, anal sex has evolved to take the place of spanking. Don't get me wrong, at the beginning spanking was something we both enjoyed, but it was short-lived and he seems to gravitate the last 8-12 months toward anal domination.

Why?

An excellent question. He says he enjoys it because it's a way to dominate me, totally and utterly. I hate it. It's like Doule's experience, which has regrettably been deleted, or this blogger's depictions of anal orgasms.

Maybe it's for many reasons. I don't know everything that goes on in his head, and he is regrettably close-lipped during sex. But I know he likes to control me. Likes how I hate it. Likes how I cry or fight or beg or go limp. Likes how I look as I arch under him. Likes how I clench down on him when he reaches around and pinches my nipples. Likes how I cry out as he rips pleasures out of me. Likes how humiliated I become. Likes how I collapse before him. He tells me these things that he likes, sometimes, as he rides me and I am helpless beneath him.

It's not the physical that causes the orgasm, it's the mental. The subordination. The pain, the confusion, the pleasure. The torture, the humiliation, the father figure, the lord, the master, the boss, the chieftain, the priest. The shuddering submission and the dark enveloping pleasure of sub space.

For us, it's not maintenance spankings or punishment spanking sessions. It's maintenance anal and anal rape as a punishment. It affects me in a deeper, more personal way than spanking does. The pain is more broad and dull, less sharp, more bearable, more pleasurable. The anger spanking brings in me goes away as I fight and am conquered, irrevocably, irretrievably. He invades me; he conquers me; it is done. There is no more to be done but to submit. From inside, grasping my hair in rough handfuls, he controls me as reins do a horse, riding me to his climax even when I weep and collapse from the pain.


Yet it's all the same message as TIH. The man is in charge, the man holds the reins. The woman submits to his will, to his rules, to his specifications, and if she does not she can expect to be punished. Many TIH couples use spanking as a punishment, but not all. Right now, we do not. But my bottom is still punished. Oh, yes it is.

My stomach hurts

He rapes me, he hurts me, he takes me three ways then calls me names. When he is done I am crying dry tears and he whispers I love you. 

I shiver, I huddle, I sigh. God is his master. He is mine. 

The taking

Why the violent orgasm? Why the taking and the biting and the rough? 

Because, he told me, he was a male and could do this to me. This turned me on so much I repeated it in my head a long while. 

Next time, I hope he chants it to me. 

Why Christian Submission Is So Much More than the Duggars

There has been a lot of vitriol about the Duggars these days. Finally, the nonreligious are exulting, another religious leader has turned out to be a hypocrite, proving both him and his religion to be worthless. They are patriarchal fanatics who make their wives submit. I've read several articles along these lines, and they have something worthwhile to say. Articles with titles like "Anna Duggar Won't Leave Her Cheating, Anti-LGBT Husband" and "I Was Almost Anna Duggar." It seems the religious group the Duggars are associated with puts all blame on the woman to be sexually pure and submissive and the husband to be filled with insane, Satanic lusts he must flee from, and his wife must help him in this duty by being available to him. Women are kept in repressive, abusive marriages because they are denied an education, job experience, or any reproductive freedom.

Yet these things just aren't true. Anna Duggar may or may not leave Josh. She probably won't, but it's not our business. Leaving for infidelity might be a valid reason, but why on earth would she leave her husband for opposing gay marriage when she probably feels exactly the same thing? Sorry, folks, but being anti-LGBT is not a reason to grant a marriage divorce.

Yes, Ephesians 5 does instruct women to submit to their husbands, right after it admonishes all Christians to submit to one another in Christ and right before it lists a long set of duties and responsibilities-- the man must take care of his wife on the deepest levels, spiritually as well as mentally, emotionally, and physically. His job description is much longer than hers. Both roles require sacrifice but offer rewards.

This kind of submission, the kind that I and many other Christians embody, does not require a woman to be repressed or held back. I have a master's degree. I have plans to pursue doctorate work someday. I work at a rewarding job where I give back to society and earn a steady paycheck. I'm raising a happy, healthy family, despite my children's best efforts. If something were to happen to my husband, we both know I have the skills and experience to support my family. It would be tough, and not ideal--since I enjoy not being the main breadwinner--but definitely doable. My husband, my big bad dominating Christian husband, has encouraged my continued education and encouraged me to work outside the home as much or as little as I liked. He takes care of most our daily lives. In exchange, I offer him submission in certain areas where with someone who hasn't given so much I might not: Certainly our sex life, but also our hobbies and the state of our house and squeezing pennies.

A man can respect a woman and dominate her. He can cherish a woman and command her. The Bible can be true and all people still treated with dignity and respect. The Duggars have not done anything but something we always knew: Christians are sinners and Christians can be terrible people who make terrible mistakes, and we are all headed for Hell if not for the all-encompassing, overwhelming, indescribable love of Christ.

We Come Together Again

We come together again,

And it is beautiful.

 

We come together in the light of a rainbow dusk

You feel me, you read me, you understand me:

You conquer me.

 

My Julius, your strong hands grip me,

Leave me no choice, take me

 

I shudder under your grip,

Subspace engulfs me,

I relax, sinking down

gratefully

 

You are mine

Your hands say it,

Your hips say it,

Your teeth say it as they tear into my neck

I am yours.

Wondering, worrying

Sometimes, our sex life is so great. Like, a 9/10. And I say that only because I always want to leave room for improvement and growth.

There's domination, rape, when I'm very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)

I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.

Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he's busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I'm disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.

When those bad times happen, he tells me he's tired, it's just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we're so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?

The Triple-Header of Sex

The Triple-Header is what I call that crowning achievement of male prowess in the bedroom. It's a little graphic, so head on over to some of my tamer how-tos if that's not what you're in to.







So here's the triple header.


Base 1: He makes you come with his finger. The more the better. Until you're panting for him to stop. No mercy, men.


Base 2: He makes you come with his cock. Either G-spot or clit counts.


Base 3: He makes you come with his cock in your ass. Hits the G-spot from behind, and total domination points.


Win/win.


If that's what you're in to.

Fifty Shades of Welcome Home

I'm so tired of hearing about Fifty Shades of Grey. Tired of the Facebook posts I kept coming across: "An Open Letter from a Mother to Her Daughter," "A Letter from a Pastor about Fifty Shades of Grey", etcetera, ad. naseum. Mothers to daughters. Priests to flock. Feminists. Christians. Everyone wanted everyone else to know that what went on in this movie was not okay, not ever, not nohow, not nowhere.




Man hit woman? No. Man coerce woman? No. Man take away woman's choice? Never.


What they all seem to forget is the end of all those sentences. Man hits woman with her willing consent.




The biggest irony of all is the feminists, who by rights should be defending an adult woman's right to engage in any consensual sexual activity,  have jumped right on the bandwagon with the Christians and the mothers.




As someone who lives BDSM and D/s in my life on a fairly steady basis, I wasn't very impressed with the books. Edward--oops, I mean Christian, does lots of threatening and very foreplay-ish dirty talk, but never does he actually do more than tantalizingly threaten. She is never actually hurt. He does not follow through on any threats more scandalous than tying her up and making her listen to soft music. Sensory play. Bleh.




In this very fictional story, the character Christian is actually very straightforward with his potential submissive Anastasia--played by the most boring woman alive in the movie, so I haven't seen it yet--and makes her read and sign a very clear contract before engaging in any physical contact. Anastasia is a woman over 18, and if this turns her on--who are we to care?




Besides, it's obvious than no matter how many Open Letters to Fill-in-the-Blank circulate the internet and garner useless "likes", the truth is this book and movie would not be so popular if deep down, the themes presented here appeal to a lot, and I mean a lot, of women. It has made $400 million dollars in ticket sales, and that's not even including book sales.




Maybe more women will start responding to that appeal and reach out on the internet--to us, to this community. Maybe they will create painfully trite usernames and discover the joys of FetLife, Taken in Hand, and the BDSM blogging community at large.




If you're one of those seekers and you've found your way here, rest a while. We're glad you found us. Welcome home.

I Own You

There are few things as raw and powerful as him taking you firmly by the hips and saying, "I own you" as he penetrates you.


The rush of emotion is divine. Subspace pulls me in. I feel like weeping. I am conquered, controlled, loved, and captivated.


The words are powerful. "I own you."


And so I feel owned.