Wondering, worrying

Sometimes, our sex life is so great. Like, a 9/10. And I say that only because I always want to leave room for improvement and growth.

There's domination, rape, when I'm very lucky bondage. (He likes to use his hands, bore!)

I feel so close to him during the day. We laugh a lot together. I think about how good our marriage is and how happy I am.

Sometimes, our sex life is not so great. He seems lazy and uninspired; he tells me he's busy at work. I understand this, but I yearn. I want to be passive, not the one who has to entice and convince and hope and climb on top. I'm disappointed. He pokes around with the lack of skill I imagine a teenage boy would have. He comes too soon. He takes too long to come. He does not want to dominate me.

When those bad times happen, he tells me he's tired, it's just a fluke. When the good times happen he retroactively acts like he planned it all along. Oh, I meant to pretend to fall asleep and upset you and then wake up and rape you. I totally meant to have sex on a fertile day even before you begged me for it. Part of me wants to rejoice that we're so in tune. But the other part of me thinks, is this too in tune? If the bad occasions are a fluke, is it probable the good ones are, too?