"Her Submission" - A Poem

For birds within a cage, it's a big and frightening world

For a woman outside, I'm a very young girl

And though the iron bars are open, she doesn't want to leave

Outside these thorny walls she doesn't know just how to sing

Though safe he holds them open, she falters at the start

If he is not true, her game is lost; he'd trample o'er her heart

The gates remain left open, but the bird does not take wing

For safe within these thorny walls, she knows just how to sing

She steps out into the sunlight,

A world she learns to ride

Life, faith, and love, and family

He stable at her side

He calls, he smiles, he beckons

Happy though she knew

Her freedom given, her happy home:

He has bars, sometimes, too.

The Submission

The submission of this woman is difficult to attain. She is willful, independent. She longs to be conquered yet fights with valor.

That is how I feel. My Dom forced me to submit to him last Saturday night. He did things that he knows I do not like. Even things that are on my list of hard limits. He just pushed right through them, stroking, encouraging, and I gave in, and I hated it on one level and on another I found it sexually satisfying.




When he does things to me that make me feel used and uncomfortable, I feel little. Young. Submissive. I go into subspace, where things I do not like can have a positive physical effect on my body. I whine, not fight. I shudder, not struggle.




In the end, for days I am left feeling young. I love him. I want to submit to him. He is my boss and my head and my everything.

I Don't Need Therapy Just Because I'm Kinky

I feel the need to post a reply to a comment left on one of my blog posts. Here is a copy of the comment:

This story about her sub [sic-Dom] beating her is heartbreaking. If that doesn't cry out "I NEED THERAPY" I dont know what does. Feeling the need to have a guy beat the shit out of you so you can feel connected to him is not healthy or normal. It indicates a real psychological problem and that problem will NEVER be solved through violence. I will pray for you.

Maybe because you only know me through my BDSM blog, you think that is all my relationships is. I can't blame you; it's not like I discuss the other aspects of my marriage much on here. However, I think it is important to remember that even though BDSM is an important part of my marriage, it is nowhere near all of it.


The amount of time my Dom and I spend having kinky sex is really relatively small in proportion to our other activities. We are happily married. We are parents together. We go on dates. We both work. We cook and clean and watch tv and do laundry and sleep and laugh just like any other couple. Sex and domination is not all we are about.


Does my Dom sometimes hit me? Sure. Does he ever do it outside of a consensual sexual context? Absolutely not. Would I stand for it if he did? Not a chance.


You know, I don't need my Dom to beat me to feel connected to him. I feel connected to him when he brings me flowers. When we have wrestling matches on the living room floor. When we sit down, exhausted, and discuss our parenting techniques together. When we joke together. When he makes me laugh. When we cuddle and watch our favorite tv shows together. When we have sex. When he gives me a massage. When he calls me just to ask how my day is going. When he kisses my forehead before he leaves for work.


And yes, also when he dominates me in the bedroom. Does that mean I need therapy? Not necessarily. It means that, for whatever reason, dominance is one of the ways we bond. It makes me feel closer to him. He is my rock, my strength, my head, my dominant, my husband. I can relax and let him be in charge. The next day I am more open, more affectionate,  more loving. And guess what? Those are all GOOD things for my marriage!


You know what? I've been to therapy. Years and years of it. It's helped me get through relationship issues with my mother (which, unlike my relationship with my amazing husband, is an abusive relationship), to learn more about myself, to help me deal with mental illness, to help me control my anxiety. Therapy has helped me in many ways. I am under the care of a trained psychiatrist who has me on so many medications I feel like opening a pharmacy in my bathroom. And yes, they do help. Some. But even with medicine, I still have bad dreams, anxiety problems, and panic attacks. The medicine helps but does not solve the problem.


You know what does solve the problem? Dominating sex with my husband. No amount of prescription pills can make me sleep the hard, dreamless sleep of a woman completely at peace, mentally and physically exhausted and floating in the relaxation of sub space. After we have a "session," I don't have nightmares. I don't stay awake worrying. I don't wake up worrying. I sleep, relaxed and safe and secure and happy.


I haven't talked to a therapist about my kinky habits because they do not cause a problem for me in my life. Of all the bad things that have happened to me, having a sexually dominating husband who loves and cherishes me is not one of them. In fact, it is quite the opposite.


It doesn't mean BDSM is for everyone. But it also doesn't mean any woman with an interest in BDSM needs to run screaming to a therapist so she can have her mind changed until she enjoys only vanilla sex.


It means whatever makes my husband and me happy, connected, close, and loving works for us. It means any sex that we both enjoy and that does nothing but bring us closer and make us feel more connected can only be a good thing.


Kinky sex? Bring it on.