For those of you not in 24/7 D/s relationships, how do you decide when and how to enter into the D/s aspect?
I've heard of methods people use to get into "the mode" of power exchange. For example:
Have you tried any of these? What about those of you in long-distance D/s or in D/s relationships with children or family around often so you have to appear more the norm when around them? How do you maintain the power exchange all the time, or do you go back and forth between D/s and "normal"?
With a baby and being so near our families, it's harder to maintain a power exchange relationship. We don't have time to spend doing things like spankings or kinky sex. He doesn't seem to have the time or energy to micro-manage me or even to boss me around. Therefore, we've settled into more of a 60/40 relationship than a 90/10 or 100/0 like we were working toward several months ago.
Then, of course, when he wants to suddenly pull out the "I'm in charge" card, I promptly pull out the "No way, Jose!" card. My theory is--and has always been--that men can't be in charge just when they feel like it. It's a responsibility he takes all the time or else we are more or less equal; I can't handle the emotional hurt or mental confusion of not knowing if, when, and how our relationship works, what is expected of me, what I can expect from him, what constitutes bad behavior, and what consequences will be for said bad behavior.
I'm not unhappy. It's just different from before.
I assume it's temporary, until we have more time and energy to put into D/s again. Therefore, I'm not really worried about it. I see it as yet another phase for us to go through.
That's what marriage is.
4 comments:
hmmm...Well my girlfriend and I are certainly not "kinky" like we once were (due to medical issues) we still have some form of "command structure." She is happy and willing to sit at my feet at family affairs with my fingers playing in her hair. She does some things on autopilot now and I do as well. It's been 7 years of bliss because we talk constantly about what I expect from her and what my duties are. Yes, that means taking her over my knee now and again. We take the time to remind ourselves of the path we choose...and try to live it, even though it has changed drastically over time. That is life.
We don't live D/s 24/7. It's just for our bedroom play, though in general matters of life I do defer to my husband's final decision as long as my opinion is given thoughtful consideration.
So, how do we transition into D/s? In the summers, when our schedules are more flexible we have generally agreed that from the moment the kid falls asleep until she wakes up in the morning we are in D/s mode in terms of our language, our behavior, our expectations, and of course our sexual dynamics.
Throughout the rest of the year when our schedules are more frantic and there are more demands on our time and energy, then it's generally understood that I'm always ready to play and my husband signals our playtime by simply announcing I should meet him in 10 minutes, usually in the bedroom, ready to serve. This is my cue to find my submissive headspace. He often helps by blindfolding me which takes me there quite quickly. We don't have any elaborate rituals and our play is often uncomplicated. The directive to get ready and the blindfold signal the start of D/s play. The removal signals the end. Simple as that and that's about all we'll be able to do until a certain someone goes off to college (10 years from now).
Hope this helps.
Yes there are so many "phases" in marriage and in life. Our dd relationship doesn't waver through. He doesn't like to let things slip where that's concerned. I have suggested breaks...lol..seems like a good idea to me ;)
It's very hard to jump from normal to D/s roles. Sir and I live an hour apart. With families, work, and little privacy it's really hard for me to understand that he's trying to take control. I need a cue from him, something to mentally prepare myself, or otherwise, I don't feel ready for it and I resist heavily.
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