Do collars have to be sexual?
They've certainly been fetish-ized in our culture. What little the mainstream U.S. knows about BDSM is all wrapped up in highly unrealistic depictions of Domme women wearing black leather and spandex and a studded black leather collar. They've become sexual.
I wore a cute red fabric... accessory... the other day.
My Dom didn't like it. "It looks like a collar," he said. "They just seem sexual to me now, after knowing about BDSM."
I scoffed a little. "It's not a collar," I said. "It's like a choker."
People throughout the day commented on it. "It's cute!" "Is that a headband around your neck?" "Are you wearing a collar?" "No, it's a choker." "It's a necklace that looks like one of those headbands."
I simply answered with a smile, "No, it isn't a collar. I'm not a dog." The comments amused me, but didn't really bother me at all. I should have also pointed out that my accessory had no buckle or snap or any sort of collar-like snaps.
My Dom and I don't do collars in our everyday lives. Sure, we've incorporated one into our play sessions in the past, but it's not a big part of our dynamic and it's certainly not a staple of our relationship. I have never been collared or, for that matter, worn a collar out in public. (My guess is he thinks my wedding ring is good enough! lol)
So I didn't feel weird or strange or sexual wearing my accessory. To me, it was just a fun piece of jewelry to add to my normal look. It didn't mean anything about my Dom or our relationship; it wasn't related to that at all.
I still think it was funny how many people thought it was a collar, though.
Thanks for that, mainstream tv.
5 comments:
When I was young, chokers were very popular. I never see them anymore. I guess probably because, like you said, people assume it's a collar. But they used to be quite common. It's kind of sad if what used to be a normal type of jewelry/accessory can't be worn anymore because it now makes it look like you're a sex slave.
Everywhere I look these days I see young men wearing rosaries. That can't be going over well with a lot of people.
Hey, at least you had a bunch of people talking to you!
Sometimes out here I think I'd have to go out naked before anyone would strike up a conversation.
I don't think a collar is generally seen as sexual, but perhaps it defines a sexuality? Not always the same thing.
Years ago, the summer just before I got married, there was a boy who shared a class with me. He wore a heavy chain collar with a padlock on it.
I kept trying to find some way to connect with him (on a friendship level), but I wasn't certain enough about him to even begin to say anything.
Yes, at this site of the Atlantic too mainstream media are sometimes helpful, the past few years.
Conina, people don't talk where you are? People talk here. Waiting for the bus, you often can't get them to leave you alone. But maybe that's because a lot of the bus people are . . . troubled. For some reason troubled people are much more talkative than untroubled people. I think not having a car helps. When you're walking around a lot passing people you're not as closed in as when you're driving. The homeless like to talk a lot too. Hee. Seriously.
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