3/20/2010

Women and Erotic Rape Fantasies


A 2008 article from Psychology Today talks about the prevelance of erotic rape fantasies in today's women.


The article says that anywhere from 31% to as high as 57% of women have rape fantasies.


This doesn't surprise me at all, since I know of many women --and men, too!-- who really enjoy rape fantasies. Some women want to be raped, some want to rape a man or another woman, some like the idea of both. And not everyone wants to be "raped" in the same way, either. Some women want to be licked tenderly until they scream from forbidden pleasure, some want to be harshly fucked until they bleed, and some want to be wrestled down, tied up, and tortured.


Everyone's fantasy is different.


So why do so many women secretly dream about being raped? The article has several ideas, including:


  • masochism: some women just like pain and suffering on some level

  • women use "rape" to avoid sexual blame: if someone pushed you into it, you can't be considered a wanton slut. This relates back to our culture where women are not supposed to enjoy or seek out sex, and feel guilty if they do. This allows them to enjoy sex without the guilt.

  • they want to feel desired: let's face it, if you are so smokin' hot that some man can't control himself, rips your panties off, and takes you passionately, that makes you feel desired and wanted as a woman.

  • biology: if you want the Nature Channel, male lions don't sweet-talk the lionesses, and there isn't any foreplay. Male animals pounce upon, subdue, and rape the females. Maybe women with rape fantasies are having a throwback to our natural animal instincts from the wild.

  • Fear = Excitement: This is the same theory that explains why people seek out thrilling adventures like bungee jumping, skydiving, and roller coasters. Fear and excitement are very similar emotions, so causing one can cause the other.

  • Past trauma: while I know of many women who were raped or sexually abused and would never be turned on by a replay of that, there are women who reconcile past traumas by re-creating them in a safe, exciting present. For some women, rape play can be a way to transform past trauma into something easier to deal with.

Are rape fantasies healthy? That depends on the woman. Some women love and embrace these fantasies. They find rape play can add an exciting new element to their sex lives, and for these women, the fantasies are healthy. But some women are disturbed and distressed by their fantasies, and if that is the case, for that woman they probably aren't healthy. It's all in the eye of the experiencer.


Also, rape fantasies are not the same thing as real rape. Rape fantasies usually occur in the mind of the woman, so of course the man is a tall, muscular hunk with just the right amount of dominance and sadism. The things he does to her are exciting and forbidden (a doubly good combination!) and she experiences a tantalizing mixture of pleasure and pain. Yumm.


Of course, a real rape would look nothing like that. So just because women have rape fantasies doesn't mean all woman are asking for it. It means that with a loving, committed, understanding partner, her fantasies can bring a new, exciting dimension to their love life. Bring it on!

2 comments:

ariia said...

I agree with your last paragraph here. And I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has these fantasies. I mean I knew that, on some level, or read it at least, but to see someone else blogging about it....thanks :)

Maria said...

I was introduced to big-cock dildos by my hubby. They are ten inches insertable; the Jock Cock, Kevin Dean, and the Natural are the names. He bought a web cam and used to use them on me then he decided I had to use them myself. I refused at first saying it was like rape and he laughed. Now I fuck myself on webcamnow and he enjoys me making myself cum in these self-rape scenes. Then I have to suck him and he takes the dildo and really rapes me saying I have no choice since I said it was like rape.