Erectile Dysfunction in BDSM relationships

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is a more common problem than most men admit. Of course, it makes sense that in a culture where manliness, sexual prowress, and sexual abilities are so valued, men are unlikely to openly admit they're having problems keeping an erection. First, let's dispell a few myths about ED. Then we'll discuss how ED can affect BDSM relationships and some treatment options.



Myths About Erectile Dysfunction (ED)

1. Myth: Normal men don't suffer from ED. Fact: In the United States alone, 18 million men suffer from occasional or chronic ED.


2. Myth: Young men don't suffer from ED. Fact: While it's true that the liklihood of suffering from ED increasing with age, men of all ages can experience this illness. ED is most common in men over 65, with as many as 25% of men in this age bracket reporting some instances of ED. According to one study, 5% of men over 40, report some instances of ED; another study claimed the numbers were closer to 18%. Among men as young as their 20s, as many as 7% complained they were unable to maintain an erection long enough for satisfactory sex.


3. Myth: If I can get an erection, I don't have ED. Fact: Erectile dysfunction does not mean the man "can't get it up." Having ED could mean an inability to get an erection, but it could also mean the man gets an erection that is only partially hard, or that quickly wanes, or that he loses completely before sexual intercourse can be completed to the satisfaction of both partners.

Erectile Dysfunction in BDSM Relationships:

ED can be difficult for any relationship, and particularly so in full-time BDSM relationships, where sex and power are inextricably intertwined. For many kinksters, sex is an incredibly important part of their relationship dynamic. If the man cannot perform sexually, this causes additional stress for both partners, and in my experience, ED can make both partners feel guilty, have low self esteem, and get depressed about sex--only making the ED symptoms worsen.

Help for Men Suffering from Erectile Dysfunction:

Of course, I'll give you the obvious answer first: see a doctor. It won't
help you to feel embarrassed about discussing this senitive topic; doctors are
trained to help your body work properly. I've often told doctors things about my
sex life and sexual health that embarrassed me, but I've never met a
doctor who was the least bit embarrassed by my questions, no matter how
intimate or personal they seemed to me.

Often, the causes of ED are physical, especially in older men. The blood flow to the penis is simply not as plentiful or consistent, and medicine can help this issue. Spending longer on foreplay, stroking and touching your partner, and waiting for a longer interval between erections can help the issue. ED can also be caused by diabetes, low blood sugar, high blood pressure, alcohol abuse, chronic smoking, and fatigue.

Sometimes, however, ED is caused by psychologial issues; this is often the case for men in theirs 20s and 30s. Men who suffer from depression or PTSD are more likely to see ED arise as a side effect of this condition; likewise, acute stress such as moving, job changes, a death in the family, or a major life event can cause temporary ED. In these cases, a doctor, sex therapist, or psychiatrist can provide counseling, stress management techniques, or anti-anxiety medication.

No matter why you or your partner are suffering from ED, this can be a hard time for the relationship. Trust me; I've been there! My husband is only 28, but he struggles with occasional PTSD and stress that lead to ED. This can cause hurt feelings, frustration, and low self-esteem for both of us. We're simply learning to work with it, to seek out help, and to communicate about our hurt feelings.



For more information, see my sources for this post:

• Psychological Problems Cause ED in Young Men by Fox News


• Erectile Dysfunction from Family Doctor


• Erectile Dysfunction Basics from WebMD


• Physical Causes of Erectile Dysfunction from WebMD


• Eectile Dysfunction from Healthy Place