7/15/2014

There's No Porn in My Kinky Marriage


A lot of kinky relationships seem to treat pornography as normal, common, expected. Women write posts about how their lovers look at porn without them, and laugh about how 'all men are like that.'

Well, not all men.

Not my man.

He doesn't watch porn. Neither do I.

Aside from the obvious ethical problems with spending your time or money on porn, such as the denegration of women or the complete disregard of the sexual health of the actors and actresses, I have a Biblical problem with porn. Matthew 5:27 says:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
So I try not to look at other men lustfully, and my Dom does the same for me. We do not watch porn, either apart or together. We try to be sexually fulfilled by each other. I pray about our sex life. I want God to be a part of it.

So I don't buy the excuses that "all men watch porn" or "they can't help it." It is possible for a man to be sexually satisfied by one woman, and vice versa. Maybe it is something we have to work on, but we believe it is possible and we strive toward that goal.

If we want something kinky, we tell each other. I get inspired by movies or books or blogs, and we try it out in the bedroom. Sure, I find some scenes in movies sexy, but I'm not watching two strangers actually have sex on camera.

Monogamous partners can succeed in monogamy. It can still be fun and kinky and sexy without input from other, completely unrealistic influences.

Just ask the author of Jewish Heavenly Sex, which is often sold in Christian bookstores. He encourages couples to sext, send naughty pictures, write steamy letters, and seduce each other. He even encourages couples to make their own pornography tapes, shared only between them, for use on the man's business trip or other tiny separations.

I don't think pornography is good for my marriage. We try to stay away from it and make our own memories.

4 comments:

ara said...

Dear Kinkster,

Thank you for your thoughtful post about pornography and I dislike the degrading of porn stars too or the effect it might have on them. Although I do not want to judge it, we do know there are many mishaps int he sex industry.

However you do write you get inspired as you say by movies, books or blogs. But isn't that pornography too. Isn't pornography not what depicts, either in writing, pictures or movies that what arouses the reader, watcher So pornography in a sense can be a blog about how to do rope play as the idea is titillating and arousing to and it makes us investigate what we like or not. It

Isex more as the whole range of things that arouses us sexually and with that we do not distinguish sexual intercourse with any other acts that are kinky and arousing.

With regards,
ara540

Sexperts said...

Ara,

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. This is something I have struggled with. Where do you draw the line between sin and not sin? Watching other people have sex is obviously lusting, especially since many people use porn to masturbate.

I think things can be arousing without being pornography. Books that graphically depict sex are probably no better than porn. But many movie scenes show no nudity; likewise many stories. I feel those can be sexy without being a sin.

But you're right, it is a hard line to draw.

LYNDAS SLUT said...

hi Kinkster, this is my 1st post. On the subject of pornography, I feel that it really depends on your own perspective as to what porn really is. I personally feel as long as it doesn't degrade people ,then its fine...........

Lea said...

Long time no see!

I flip on both sides of the coin when it comes to porn. Every guy I've dated has watched porn. And, it never bothered me. I mean, you see people in the street or in movies, etc, and can get turned on. Porn can be an extension of that.

Though I do feel sometimes for actors/actresses who are exploited or work in bad conditions. But it's not the case with every photo, or film clip. It's hard to know.

A neutral territory for me, can be animated porn. There are no real people; it's a cartoon. So people aren't getting exploited, etc.