6/30/2014

Sleep, Anxiety, and BDSM


With my anxiety disorder, sleep is an important component of my life. I get drained, I need more sleep. But if I am anxious, no matter how much I sleep, I have chronic nightmares all night long. I wake up feeling more stressed and tired than when I went to sleep 12 hours earlier. It makes for a long, grouchy day. Days of bad sleep can turn into weeks and months, which make me depressed and starts a cycle of depression.

Not good.

The last few days, I haven't felt particularly anxious during the day. In fact, I've been having a perfectly nice week. But I started having horrible nightmares. Disaster after disaster overtakes me in my sleep. People shoot at me with guns. Savage animals attack me. Family members make me cry. Snowstorms erupt. I am lost, afraid, alone. Cell phones don't work or people don't answer. In all these dreams, I feel helpless.

I've tried the medicines the doctor gave me -- Xanax and Ambien. Xanax makes me feel calm before falling asleep, but it doesn't keep me from having nightmares. Ambien doesn't make me calmer, but it knocks me out so I don't keep waking up from my nightmares. But both are getting less effective. I am careful not to use them every day, but it seems my body is getting used to them, anyway.

Last night, my Dom pinned me down and had sex with me and called me names and talked dirty to me. He choked me at the end. I hated/loved it. Ahhh, the complexities of BDSM.

But afterward, after the anger and fight in me had subsided, I felt that nice rush of endorphins and I relaxed.

And you know what? I didn't have nightmares!

Or if I did, the Ambien knocked me out enough that I don't remember them.

For me, kinky, rough sex is a great way to work through some really negative emotions in a way that is not socially acceptable in most situations. It allows me to feel and experience those negative emotions, and then gives me a rush of calm and peace at the end that helps me sleep better. It is a kind of anxiety medication for a very anxious girl.

Maybe I'll need to start taking a "dose" every day.

1 comment:

Linda Biscello said...

That rush of calm/peace and relaxation are due to the release of endorphins/negative emotions. A daily dose of BDSM sounds like the perfect remedy 😉