3/31/2009

Review: SHARE Dildo


Share is a sweet silicone dildo from Toys in Babeland. It was the first time I'd had experience with a dildo you and a partner can use at the same time (hence the name!), so I had fun trying it out with my Dom. It was worth it to review just for the laughs.
Share is a totally unique bedroom toy because it is a "strapless strap-on." Believe me, those are hard to come by! Rather than strapping on the dildo, you insert the shorter, thicker end into you vagina and use it that way. The toy is silicone, meaning it's soft, comfy on my skin (much better than those hard plastic toys--ouch!), and easy to clean, which is important if you're going to be using a toy for any sort of pentration. It comes in pink, deep purple (the one I reviewed and it's beautiful!), or a more manly black if you so desire. The "penis" end of the dildo is 7 inches long and an inch and a half thick, while the thicker end is 1 3/4" by 5 1/2". Of course, Share requires no batteries and runs on manpower alone.
While Share is probably more geared toward lesbian lovers, it is also A-ok for heteros, too, like my Dom and me. You just need a guy willing to give anal penetration a try! Luckily for me, my Dom is adventerous enough to try anything, so we gave it a shot.
The only downfall of Share is that one of the partners has to be female, since the "strap-on" end must be inserted into a vagina.
Because I am the one with a vagina, the penetration part was going to be all up to me, but before we started the "dual action," we played around with Share a bit just as a regular hand-held dildo. And it worked that way, too! I wanted to experience how both ends felt first-hand, and so we began. My partner inserted the longer, slender end and we played a bit with that. I liked the extra length of Share, although without lubricant the silicone felt awkward and almost gave my skin a burning sensation. With lube, however, this went away. As an additional plus, the soft bulging end made a good natural hand-held spot for my Dom.
Next we tried the other end on me, and I loooooved this. Loved it! The thickness and unique shape of Share felt wonderful. It was a perfect fit, with an awesome balance of thickness and unique curves to fit in all the right places. Of course, this end was too short to be used with any sort of in-and-out motion, but holding it in and squeezing my inner muscles was enough to make me happy!
My Dom was game for some anal penetration, although I was worried because we'd never tried anything quite so long or thick with him before. But we went slowly and worked with some Babeland lube, which worked great, and were eventually able to insert Share all the way. In certain positions the dildo hurt him and had to be removed, but once we found "the spot" he relaxed and reported it was "a lot of pressure and, once I got used to it, it felt good." From behind and atop him, I was able to insert the dildo into both of us, which felt better for both of us and gave us some great, sexy body-to-body time with kissing and small thrusts on my part (it felt heavenly for me). We both loved the physical contact and shared pleasure Share allows, and I enjoyed getting to press my whole body into him while moaning with pleasure into his ear.
Of course, Share isn't perfect (what toy is??? or person, for that matter?). Since this was my first time with a make-shift penis attached to my body, thrusting was new and awkward for me and I was never able to achieve much momentum. Also, without a strap to keep Share on my body, it tended to slip out if I wasn't careful. My partner also wanted to try dual penetration with us standing and me behind him, but we weren't able to manage that position with Share. Still, trying awkwardly to line up our standing bodies was good for a laugh!
In the end, I enjoyed both ends of Share and my Dom says it would be a great anal toy for men and women who already have some experience in the anal realm. Babeland has come up with yet another funky, enjoyable toy.

3/29/2009

YKIMY

"YKIMK" is a common coin phrase tossed around. Its meaning?

"Your Kink Isn't My Kink."

This is a shortened version of the popular motif "Your kink isn't my kink but your kink is okay." In fact, some people will even spell the acronym for this longer phrase, YKIMKBYKIOK.

Because I like things simple, I stick with YKIMK.

YKIMK is a slogan in the BDSM world. People use it to remind each other not to judge.

Hard to believe, isn't it, that it one of the world's most misunderstood and "out there" alternative lifestyles, people in the groups are still pointing fingers at others in the lifestyle? Some people will get all bent out of shape. "Pretending to be a horse is so gross. You want to use drugs during a scene?!?! But asphixiation isn't SAFE! I just don't understand people who want to be raped. What is wrong with those monogamists?"

Yes, it's true; even in an alternative community, there are some activities (like polyamory, spanking, and age play) that are considered more "mainstream" and others that are considered more "taboo." Many people call these Edge Play because they tend to be more dangerous and out there "on the edge."

Sure, I think some people's kinks are wrong or immoral; I won't lie. I'm a Christian, so I have pretty fixed ideas about what is okay and what is wrong. While many BDSMers may be into poly, porn, and public scenes, I am not. Do I think their decisions are wrong and immoral? Yes. Is it my business? Nope. Do I feel the need to tell them my feelings unasked? Nope. I keep my beliefs to myself and respect others' rights to their own kinks. YKIMK.

Others I've heard about are against kinks they consider "weird" (like monogamy) or dangerous (like asphixiation). Several people on FetLife once criticized me for wanting to know if there were any chemicals or drugs that could be used to knock me unconscious or nearly so in rape play. They said it was too dangerous! Other kinksters thankfully stepped in and reminded them, Hey.... YKIMK.

Probably the most unpopular kinks are the ones that are illegal (beastiality, pedophilia, drugs). For those, I think YKIMK can be ignored.

Just remember, when you hear about someone doing something that you find weird, disgusting, repulsive, or just plain gross.... YKIMK. Sure, you may not like some kinks, but others may not like yours. An atmosphere of mutual respect is the best thing. Sure, you may not like it now, but maybe someday you will (my Dom once swore he would never be able to hit me! HaHaHa!). Even if you don't, others have a right to practice whatever weirdo things make them happy, as long as they are Safe, Sane, and Consensual (and legal!).

Remember... YKIMK.

3/27/2009

Scared to Start Full-Time D/s

I normally keep my blog fairly impersonal, preferring to concetrate on the "how-to" and education than titillate readers with my personal sexual accounts and struggles.

Soon, that might begin to change.

My partner and I are starting full-time Dominant and submissive relationship (FT D/s for short). I feel scared and nervous, like I’ve been swept along without seeing this coming. I guess I should have seen the logical destination of all this, but I did not.

My rushing river took me from kinky to kink to BDSM to D/s to CDD to full time.

How do I explain?

I know I’m being a baby. I know I shouldn’t shirk at the idea of being a full-time submissive (and with a very lenient beginning code to follow, at that!) when so many other brave men and women are already FT subs and slaves in intense ways I can imagine but could never do.

But I’m still scared.

Of course, I don’t like change. Especially change I didn’t see coming. I was terrified about the idea of getting engaged, TERRIFIED. Having freak outs, nightmares, the whole bit. Then when it happened, I subsided into a happy calm and wondered why I’d never done this before. I loved it and the security and peace it brought. This may be the same.

I’m still pretty new to BDSM. I’ve only known there was a name for my desires, and more outlets and people using them than I’d ever dreamed, about 6 months ago. In that time, my Dom and I have started a fun, happy part-time D/s relationship; that is, just in the bedroom. That means that I enjoy BDSM, love it in fact, but am still learning and growing in it. I thought we had years of happy growing and pushing our boundaries. We use it in the bedroom almost all the time, discuss it constantly, but when it came down to it, I still spent more time blogging about it than doing it.

We both agreed that we were not interested in FT. To me, those people were valid and real, certainly, but it was not for me. They lived a sort of hazy existence in a parallel reality. I had no doubt their reality was real, but I couldn’t see myself joining it. I saw them as the “real” BDSMers, the people who float along beside us on Earth at our jobs and family reunions, but who really belong to the world they’ve chosen, a world of servitude and dominance, a world of limits and pushing and growing, a world of munches and BDSM communities and FetLife and play parties.

Then I discovered CDD (Christian domestic discipline). It wasn’t BDSM, but it was similar. It was founded on the basic biblical principles of male dominance and female submission, with corporal punishment to back it up. I researched it and was oh-so-turned on. I thought it was HOT! I longed for a man to do that to me, to love me and cherish me and guide me and punish me mercilessly. I shared this with my Dom. I wrote many, many blogs on the subject, defending CDD and explaining how it was a valid way of life.

My Dom and I naturally started playing with the idea of these “spankings.” It was quite consensual. The more we talked about it, the more turned on I got. I longed to be pulled over my Dom’s knee and paddled til I screamed and cried and, at last, submitted. I longed for him to be strong and firm and demanding and gentle and kind and sadistic. I was terribly drawn to the idea, as was he.

Next thing I knew, we were idly discussing my punishments. (I deserved them.) We had a dispute over whether a certain remark was punishable or not. Being a strict lover of discipline and clear expectations, I insisted we write out a mutually-agreed upon code so I knew what to expect and he knew what to enforce. We discussed it for some time on the phone, and the next day agreed to draft up a typed copy of each of our responsibilities and rules.
Without warning, I panicked.

I could not join in this CDD, I insisted. CDD at its core is no different than D/s in BDSM. I could not be part of a FT D/s relationship! It was absurd! Not only that, it was terrifying.
My Dom was concerned over my new panic and sudden switch of thinking. He asked to know what I was feeling. Wide-eyed and panicked, like an animal trapped in a cage, I could not tell him—I could only insist I could not do this.

I hadn’t wanted it, I exclaimed wildly. We had agreed not to, I shouted. This was insane, I whined. How could we do this? I was a smart, intelligent, educated woman. We were D/s in the bedroom, equals in life. How could I obey him? I cringed at the word “obey.” How dare he request obedience from me? I wasn’t a dog! What would my mother say?, I moaned, My perfect, domineering, feminist mother?! How would my family react if they knew? I’d be going against everything I’d been raised to believe, everything they stood for. How did I know he wouldn’t abuse his power? How did I know he wouldn’t turn me into a servant and slave the moment I handed him the reins? Why did he want to punish me, anyway? I wasn’t a child! I was an adult, an adult, a full-grown, mature, intelligent, strong, capable adult! Couldn’t he just talk to me about my mistakes? And who gave him the authority to judge my mistakes, anyway?!

My Dom remained quiet, listening. He said we could wait and see. Finally, I agreed to draft up the rules. I did it, with great hesitation. He agreed to draft his rules, his responsibilities first. We did, then mine. We kept mine light and easy. We set the contract for 1 month and agreed one, either, or both of us could terminate it at the end of that time. We mutually agreed upon my rules and boundaries.

And yet I am afraid. This is a change I wouldn’t have believed possible a week ago, much less 6 months ago or a year ago. How can this be happening to me?!?

I went to college. I taught high school for two years. I traveled the world. I lived abroad alone. How can I, great post-feminism, twenty-first century, I-AM-WOMAN-HERE-ME-ROAR generation woman, agree to this? Bow to this?

And what about it made me drawn to it in the first place?

These are questions I cannot ask myself. When I think about our new arrangement, I feel anxious, worried, and sick. I cannot think about it. I have not looked at the rules. I will not see him again until Monday. Will he take them too seriously? Will he be too harsh? Will I hate this?

Why did I do this? Will he be too demanding and force me to break free and fly away? Or worse, will he be too lenient on me and lose my respect forever?

Stay tuned to find out.

3/23/2009

CDD: Introduction

I have discovered a new lifestyle/philosophy that is similar to, yet distinct from, D/s BDSM relationships. This is called Domestic Discipline, or DD for short, or Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD).

DD and CDD are both marriages that have decided to make authority and discipline a part of their marriage. There is no difference in the practice of DD and CDD; the only difference is that CDD practices domestic discipline as part of a Christian tradition of male dominance and feminine submission (Ephesians 5:22-27). Whether you find sites on domestic discipline from a Christian point of view or a secular one, the webmasters often work together to promote their ideas of loving, consensual relationships where one partner has the authority.

This is very similar to the BDSM idea of D/s relationships, but people in DD relationships don't consider themselves part of the kink community. For them, spanking and punishment is not about kink or sex, but about maintaining a balanced household where both parties are cared for and loved. The leader receives reverence, respect, obedience, and 51% of decision-making responsibilities. The follower receives guidance, nurturing, care, discipline, and 49% of the decision-making. Both are required to partake in open, honest communication and to fully participate in their marriage, raising their children, and maintaining their lives.

Spanking is often the most-discussed element of DD. While spanking can be (and usually is) part of a DD household, it does not have to be. Other consequences can be used, including corner time, writing lines, or whatever the dominant person (often called HOH or Head of Household) decrees.

How is the HOH different from a Dom or Domme? Well, they're not really. They are two terms for the same figure: a dominant person in a relationship. And while DD and CDD are similar to BDSM, they are not the same.

How is domestic discipline different from BDSM? First, BDSM encompasses a large array of activities: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. DD is the same as the D/s part of BDSM, but has nothing to do with kink, bondage, sadism, or masochism. There is no pain for pain's sake. Also, DD is not "play" or a "scene." It is very real, with the HOH providing discipline and correction to change his partner's behavior, attitude, or words. It also seems that your average DD discipline is very light compared to the whips and chains we often associate with BDSM; you may see a HOH sending a disobedient wife to the corner and then bending her over his knee, but you aren't going to see them at a local munch, refering to their bedroom as a dungeon, or playing with needles, whips, St. Andrew's Crosses, or strap-on dildos. Punishment is only given when needed, and it is always intended to correct a real offence.

If you are interested in learning more about DD and CDD, please follow my links below. More will be available shortly.

CDD: Introduction (you're here now!)
CDD: Discipline and Punishment
CDD: A Typical Punishment Session
CDD: Why Women Want a Strong Man
CDD: The 3 Ds and Other Offenses
CDD: To Read More

CDD: To Read More


I've written extensively about Domestic Discipline (DD) and Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) in this blog. To see my articles, please follow the following links:


To see other websites, I've arranged a link library for you below. (Porn, pictures, and discussion forums are not included):

Domestic Discipline
Elizabeth Burns' Domestic Discipline Site


Christian Domestic Discipline
Leah's CDD Blog
Spanking Toys Online
E-bay: cheap paddles and floggers
Eden Fantasys: spanking gear of all types
Extreme Restraints: paddles, whips, crops, canes, slappers. Warning: nude pictures!
Healthy and Active: light toys for newbies
Rosy Bottom: specializes in spanking implements of all types
Sensual Direct: slappers and paddles