Changes in Female Ejaculation

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Giving a Woman an Orgasm... Without Touching Her

One of the great arts of being a man in a relationship with a woman is being able to bring her to orgasm without touching her. Women are amazing, delicate creatures who can be brought to orgasm again and again with little or no touching. If you can master this technique--and not just once but again and again--you will be a true lover's artist.

A great place to start is the nipples. Most women will get aroused from having their nipples touched. If they don't, you are probably doing it incorrectly--too hard, too fast, not enough variation, too much sucking, not enough subtlety, too boring. Men sometimes want to treat breasts and vulvas as though they were a penis, and this never works.

Some women, if you massage their nipples correctly, can orgasm and ejaculate simply from having their nipples touched! Sadly, it's been over a year since anyone has been able to do that to me.... :( but it's possible. The trick is to work slowly and gently, using circular motions with your thumbs. You want to use your hands more than your mouth, and your thumbs more than your fingers. But of course, you want to use a little bit of all three to change it up.

My advice is to slowly and tenderly turn her on by stroking her breasts and teasing the nipples. When you get her really turned on, arching her back for you to touch her nipples, start lightly brushing past them, almost by accident. She will start moaning and arching her back more. Eventually, you can slowly start working her nipples. I've found it best to use thumbs in a circular motion, with some light sucking, pinching, and rolling between your fingers every once in a while--but only for a brief second before you return to circles (one lick or suck, then go back to thumbs!).

Nipples will eventually get sore, so about every 5 minutes, switch breasts. This keeps the breasts highly sensitive to your touch; she will be longing for you to touch the other long before you actually do. Eventually, the sensations in her nipples will make her clit tight. You are on the right path!

A woman who's enjoying the sensuality of a wonderful nipple massage will be relaxed, almost fluid, and completely calm, lost in the sensations you're giving her. A woman who is trying to enjoy it, but you are doing too much or too little, will show signs of losing her dazed relaxation: she may frown a tiny frown, twitch or flutter slightly, purse her lips, scrunch her face, bite her lip, sigh slightly, or try to maneuver her breasts under you for better access. These are not the signs of a turned on woman, but one who is trying to get lost in the wonderful, dazed relaxation of a nipple massage but is being brought back to reality by nagging gaps in technique.

So watch her, and be aware of her reaction. When you have a woman who is lying, sublime and relaxed on her back, eyes closed, deep, even breathing, looking peacefully asleep and slightly dreamlike, you are doing the right thing.

If your woman is where you want her, congratulations. Even seeming half-asleep and dreamy, she is still aware of you and your reactions. You are playing an important part in turning her on! Make sure that you match her dreamy state: move slowly and fluidly, with no sudden, jerky movements. Keep your breathing deep and slow; this will relax her even more. Touch her lightly and softly. Don't talk much or make many noises; when you do talk, it should be low and seductive, speaking to her in a calm, soothing voice. Take this time to enjoy your spouse, keeping your breathing deep and even so she can hear it, enjoying her relaxed body being sensuously aroused beneath your loving hands.

Keep gently massaging her nipples. Eventually, try massaging both at the same time, or suckling one while massaging the other. The key here is suckling, not sucking. Suckling means you are making tiny breastfeeding motions with your tongue and mouth, like a baby. It is faster, lighter, and more rthymic than your average grown male sucking on nipples, which actually doesn't feel that great. Fast and light does the trick!

Eventually, if you do this right and give her small two-second breaks to kiss her stomach, cup her breasts, or roll her nipples gently between your thumb and forefinger, you will get her clit really tight. If you go long enough, she can orgasm and ejaculate multiple times as you keep teasing her body into ecstasy. The trick is to give her no clitoral or vaginal stimulation at all; nipple teasing is so light and slow that touching her with your hand or pushing your leg up into her vulva will be too firm and ruin all your hard, slow work.

If she can't orgasm from nipples alone, you have at least spent a good hour or two making her clit aching and tight. Now you can put your hand between her legs and skim above her vaginal opening and clit. Don't actually touch her. You want to make her think you are going to stroke her, and stroke an imaginary line about a quarter of a centimeter away from her body. Her sensitive vulva will be able to feel the heat and air from your finger. Keep slowly "stroking" her without touching her, making long, straight, slow lines upwards from the base of the vaginal opening to the top of the clit. Don't stroke both ways, or you will give her too much sensation; stick with bottom-to-top stroking. If she comes, great!

Your next step is to give her a short break. You want this to be between 2 and 4 seconds, but not longer. This lets the anticipation build, without waiting too long and killing the mood. Take your hand out of her underwear, then slowly start the whole process again. You will be able to tell if you're turning her on. Start the imaginary strokes again. Do 1-4, depending on whether or not she's coming and how much she likes it, and then remove your hand to give her a short break.

For me, the most sexy part that gets me closest to coming is the anticpation of the hand going inside my underwear and passing my mons pubis. So if this doesn't make me come, it is best to stick to one imaginary stroke, then back up and try again. Once you make me come, you can do 3 or four strokes to let me enjoy it before going back up and entering again. But often, for me, the action that gets me closest to coming is when I know my lover is about to reach his hand down my legs, not the actual rubbing of my clit or G-spot. It is the anticipation that works, not the fulfillment, so keep reaching down between her legs again and again, slow and steady, until she is fully aroused and aching.

If you do not bring her to orgasm without touch the first time, you will have still spent a very pleasurable few hours bonding... so this is always time well spent. And if you do, and can learn to repeat this strategy effectively, you will be her own personal hero, a king bearing gifts of relaxation and love, a lover slowly teasing her to the brink of orgasm.

And that can never be a bad thing.

Friends of the Federation for Females Freely Farting

All right. This doesn't relate specifically to BDSM, but it is sex advice, so I'm still adding it. Bodily functions are definitely not one of my favorite topics, but I'm fed up and so I'm swallowing my natural fart-discussion inhibitions to write this blog. Please bear with me, and I hope you will be amused.

Now I have a question for you. Think of something gross for you: ejaculate, poop, garbage, rotting carcasses, anything. Now answer: would you rather touch and lick it, getting it all over your hands and face, or just smell it?

The answer is obvious: just smell it. You get no germs, you can't get sick from it, and it will go away quickly. No problem.

So what is the whole social stigma with farting during sex?! Sex. Is. Messy. Something about our society tells us that we should be "civilized," not animals, and this includes bodily emissions. Don't get me wrong; I'm profoundly grateful society frowns on bodily functions and emissions in public; I don't want to be privy to that! But in private, with a lover, during sex? Give me a break.

So many people are grossed out by this. And I don't understand it. Sure, it's not ideal. The sound and smell can be slight turn-offs. But compared to sex in general?

Let's consider for a moment. We are animals. We try to deny it, with deodorant, female moistening wipes, douches, shaving, trimming, plucking, perfume, scented soaps, condoms, maxipads, and a host of other products specifically designed to make us less animal-like and more "civilized." But come what may, you just can't stop people from being animals: we sweat, we poop, we pee, we burp, we throw up, we lubricate, we spit, we fart, we have sex. Without ever asking us, our bodies secrete sweat, spit, and other lovely mucuses such as snot, come, pus, scabs, and discharge. We devour the dead carcasses of other living beings, then poop them out in a grand, smelly, squishy finale. No matter how prim and proper we attempt to be on dates, with carefully shaved bodies, cologne, aftershave, and deodorant, at the end of the date we still find ourselves happily romping about in the bed, all queefs and sweat and moans and shudders and come. We roll apart, satisfied, but with our animalistic natures bared: we are now sticky, smelly, and sweaty, with our hands, faces, and bodies covered in saliva, ejaculate, vaginal discharge, and dripping with someone else's sweat, come, and "love juices." (I hate that phrase.) Yet we accept it, because we like sex.

So why is farting any different?

I'm not advocating a total repeal of social norms: I still think flatulence is best relieved alone, much like our other natural bodily urges such as sex, pooping, peeing, and vomiting. I have no desire to hear my lover farting away if he can help it.

But if he can't? Should I really care?

My thought is this: Many men say they are "turned off" if women fart in bed. I get this; our culture tells them women should be prim, proper, neat, and tidy. They should never belch or fart, and they only poop when they have to and even then, it probably doesn't smell bad. Women should also never sweat, moan, or ejaculate, and farting and queefing are definitely out. Men are animals; women are people.

WRONG! I can't speak for guys, but I know without a doubt that for women, farting is natural during sex. Just as natural as, say, breathing, moaning, getting wet and sticky, ejaculating, and coming.

Why?

Because for many women to come, we have to push. Yes, push. We push really hard. Our bodies get tight with pleasure, we arch our backs, and our entire bodies convulse and squeeze. Especially our P.C. muscles, which as you know are the muscles "down there." An entirely unintended, but natural, consequence of this heavy pushing during sex is, you guessed it, farting. And also coming. The two often, sadly, come together.

If you are one of the men (or women) who are grossed out and turned off by your partner tooting in bed, let me ask you: Are you okay with them being human? Because that means they are also an animal. And seriously, God became a human. If Jesus wasn't too good to poop, fart, and pee, why should you be?

So back to my earlier question. Would you rather smell/lick/feel/rub around in something gross? Or just smell it? Because men, your ejaculate is no picnic either. I'm sure you're aware of it, but your come is often a sticky, creamy, nasty mess. For many of us, it tastes disgusting and smells even worse. Yet you expect us to touch it, lie in it, lick it, swallow it, and let you deposit it into our pussies and asses, where it slowly dribbles out. And yet you can't handle some simple, temporary air?!?

I just think there is something inherently wrong when many women are afraid to let go and enjoy sex. They want to remain prim and proper and in control, keeping some strange idea of being "civilized" even engaged in the most raw, animalistic act possible with an intimate partner who supposedly accepts and loves them. They don't let go, because their bodies might betray them: they might pee, fart, queef, ejaculate, and yes, even orgasm.

So when we're enjoying sex, if we let go and push the way it feels good, will we sometimes do "gross" things like being human? Yes. Expect juicy farts and queefs. Expect thick, smelly discharge, lubricant, ejaculate, and sometimes pee or blood. Trust me: it's gross for us, too. We never want to share this with you. But the sad truth is, when our P.C. muscles are pushing for all they're worth, trying to help us come, it can create toots, farts, and queefs that didn't even exist before we started having sex. Lots of them. The more we push, the more they come. And so many women don't push. But I ask you this: would you rather your woman be a wild animal in bed, with lots of yuck and mess and squishy sounds, and at the end have a shuddering, writhing mass of happy, orgasming woman beneath you? Or have boring, safe, and very sanitary sex, with no sounds, no body functions, and little pleasure?

Think about it. And tell me, which are you? Another person afraid of letting go? Or a sex animal?

How to Deal with Female Ejaculation Messes

After reading the book Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot by Deborah Sundahl, I've been thinking hard about the inherent prejudices against the sexy women who gush, squirt, dribble, or spray. While other women are joyfully getting their groove on any and everywhere, we are discriminated against in the arena of sexual possibility: we can't do it in cars, hotel rooms, beds, couches, sofas, our parents' guest bedroom, or anywhere else covered in fabric or where other people could see the proof of our "playing." *sob* It's a hard life.

So, if having sex for the rest of your life on cold, painful, hard tile floors is not appealing to you (me, either!), I have amassed some resources from internet research, sex toy websites, the wisdom of my girfriends, and years of experience. Here are a few trinkets that should do the trick:

1. The most obvious (and most unappealing) answer is to just have sex in places where it won't matter if you spray and where cleanup is easy. These include the outside (ick!), the shower (I hate standing up for sex!), or hardwood/tile/linoleum floors (ow!).

2. The next, but equally unappealing, suggestion is to change the sheets (and bedcover, and blanket, and pillows, and mattress cover, and mattress if you're like me...). Again, good sex deserves to be rewarded with good cuddling and sleep, not hopping your naked butt out of bed to do laundry!

3. Towels. Lots and lots of towels. Put them under your butt, and have more ready nearby so you can just change them out as you soak through. Of course, the downside is it's hard to aim for one tiny towel during a rompin' good time, it kills the mood to stop and change towels mid-scene, and you can still soak through to the bedding.

4. Aim for the man. Let's face it, I've never met or heard of a guy who was not absolutely thrilled with female orgasm. Most are willing to drink it; though some may balk at that, none mind getting it on their skin. It's easier to wash a man than a sheet.

5. Get creative with your mattresses. One idea is to put two made mattresses on your bed. After sex, throw the top one on the floor and sleep on the warm, dry one underneath. Another idea is to buy a plastic mattress cover. Or, if you don't like creaking your way through sex, buy an inflatable plastic bed that you can just hose off afterward.

6. Buy a commercially-made furniture protector for this very purpose. I found several sex toy stores that carry them. Holistic Wisdom has a waterproof throw for $85. Getinthemood.com sells disposable Luv Liners for $12.99 and washable Luv Linens for $36 (although I feel compelled to mention the site isn't very professionally done and has spelling and grammatical errors at a high school level). A Woman's Touch sells a Liberator's Shag/Satin Thro for $86. Have fun, wash, and reuse.

Review: Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot

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