Types of Dominance

There are many roles that Tops can be in BDSM. Here are just a few.

Top
A top is generally someone wielding the "instruments of terror" in the relationship. This is a very generic name for anyone who plays the top, including doms, masters, trainers, and the like. Also, a top often means there is little to no power exchange in the relationship.

Sadist
A sadist is just what it sounds like: a top who enjoys inflicting pain on the bottom. This term usually means someone who enjoys hitting, hurting, flogging, pain play, and the like, without a power exchange.

Dom/Domme
This implies a power exchange, whether it is full-time D/s or only in the bedroom. This person may make rules, establish protocol, and otherwise control the bottom. However, this term doesn't imply the complete ownership that Master or Mistress does.

Master/Mistress
This is a full-time, total power exchange. The slave has no control once she has consented to the relationship. Like a Dom, the Master may have rules, rituals, and protocol for the slave to use. There may be restrictions on what furniture the slave may use or the slave may be required to ask permission before speaking, using the restroom, or eating. The Master often has complete and total control, and the slave is a piece of owner property.

Owner
While a Master is indeed a type of owner, the difference here is that a Master owns a slave and an Owner can own a slave or a human animal. The owner may have a puppy or kitty bottom, for example.

Trainer
A trainer is a specific type of top that, in my experience, owns a (human) horse. In BDSM pony play communities, there are often elaborate annual horse competitions where human horses must compete exactly like a real horse competition. Their owners spend months and years training them for these competitions.

Daddy/Mommy
Those tops who are engaged in age play or have Adult Babies (AB) are called Daddies and Mommies. Sometimes, the Daddy is also a Dom or a Master, but the "Daddy" persona is more tender, playful, and parental.

Of course, there is no reason that you have to pick one kind of topping and stick with it. Variety is the spice of life! My Dom is sometimes more of a "daddy" figure during scenes, and I change how I address him accordingly. Also, a sadist could also be a Master or Owner or Dom. You can be any kind of top you and your sub are comfortable with. Explore and have fun!

Slashy Speak

On online kink forums, I always hear more experienced kinksters groaning about how awful this thing called "slashy speak" is and how much they hate it [insert online groaning here]. This is always followed up by a question from a newer, younger person, "What on earth is slashy speak?"

Slashy speak is typing with slashes to indicate who is the Master/Mistress and who is the slave. An example of it looks like this:

W/we went to pick up O/our children after school so W/we could take them out to
eat ice cream.

Slashy speak extends from the idea that Masters and Mistresses deserve to be written about always using capital letters, while slaves and subs should only refer to themselves in the lowercase.

Not everyone uses slashy speak (in fact most don't), but some Masters and Mistresses do require their slaves to speak about them using only capital letters, and to use lowercase letters when speaking about themselves. The idea behind it is that it helps the slave remember who is in charge and it shows respect to the Master. Of course, that is fairly easy when the sentences look like this:

Every night, She lays down and i give Her a back rub.

Additionally, some Masters and Mistresses require that the slave speak only in 3rd person, making the post look more like this:

Every night, She lays down and this slave gives Her a back rub.

When Masters require their slaves or subs to capitalize references to the Master and keep references to the slave lowercase, it makes words that include both of them (we, our, ourselves, us) difficult to type. Therefore, people use "slashy speak" to differentiate between the two, like so: W/we, O/our, O/ourselves, U/us.

Slashy speak is generally very unpopular in online forums. Although it does not bother me, many people say it is distracting and hard to read. If slaves spend too much of the post in slashy speak, some people just won't read the post because it hurts their eyes. I can totally understand not wanting to decipher an entire post written in slashy speak.

For me, slashy speak isn't an issue because my Dom does not require me to put pronouns referring to him in capital letters. This is good, since that is probably not something I would agree to, anyway, since I use capitalized pronouns only when referring to God, Christ, and other manifestations of God's divine nature.

But for those of you considering slashy speak, remember: it's generally unpopular on online forums, and can be difficult to understand. Keep it to a minimum, or try using it only for private correspondence between you and your Master/Mistress.

BDSM as a Sexual Orientation?

I found an interesting article by counselor Bay Whittaker that suggests BDSM is another sexual orientation. (To read her original article, click here.)

The Marriam-Webster Dictionary defines sexual orientation thus:

The inclination of an individual with respect to heterosexual, homosexual, and
bisexual behavior.

Clearly, this definition only includes the popular notion of sexual orientation as being either gay, straight, or somewhere along the continuum between those two identities. Most definitions I found were about the same. However, the British version of Wiktionary defined sexual orientation this way:

One's tendencies of sexual attraction, considered as a whole.

This definition is a bit more broad and allows for "orientations" that are not necessarily related to being gay or straight. For instance, is a straight person into BDSM simply into a different orientation than vanilla straight people? And how do we define the different types of BDSM? Is it a different sexual orientation if you are into baby play, animal play, rape play, physical sadism, or emotional masochism? Those are all very different lifestyles and sexual preferences that are all grouped together under the idea of "BDSM." Also, what about people (like me) who are interested in BDSM but not engaged in it 100% or even 50% of the time? Most of my life is pretty vanilla, so does that make me "bi" on the continuum between vanilla and kinky?

Although this article didn't answer all my questions about labeling BDSM as simply another sexual orientation, I like the idea of labeling kinksters, not as freaks, weirdos, sexual perverts, or sex-crazed maniacs, but simply as normal people whose sexual tastes run a little on the unorthodox side. If that is what it means to see BDSM as another sexual orientation, I support the movement to include BDSM as another sexual choice available to us.

BDSM Acronyms

I get so frustrated reading BDSM blogs because people don't explain the acronyms they use. It kills me! So to help you out in your sex-blog reading, here is a short dictionary of common acronyms in the fetish world. Note: if my blog has a post on this topic, I've included a link.

• RACK: risk-aware consensual kink
• SSC: Safe, sane, and consenual
• AB: adult baby
• ALB: adult little boy
• ALG: adult little girl
• FT: full-time
• PT: part-time
• PE: Power exchange
• FTPE: full-time power exchange
• T/b: Top and bottom
• D/s: Dom and sub, Domme and sub
• M/s: Master and slave, Mistress and slave
• BDSM: bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadomasochism
• 24/7: full-time
• CBT: Cock and ball torture
• K9: puppy play
• DM: dungeon monitor
• CDD: Christian domestic discipline
• DD: Domestic discipline
• OTK: over-the-knee spanking
• BBW: Big, beautiful women
• BHM: Big, handsome men
• WIITWD: What it is that we do (=kinky sexuality)
• YKIMK: Your kink isn't my kink, but your kink is okay.
• YKIMKBYKIOK: (longer version of the above)

Thanks to Wiki's Glossary of BDSM and Fetlife's Fetishes for help with this post!

Quotes and Inspiration for BDSM

I must thank the user "Slavecherie" on Fetlife for this amazing post! I have cross-referenced her and other users' BDSM quotes here. Enjoy!

"I would rather enslave my Bride, than marry my Slave."

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."

A dom is only a First among Equals.

"A slave is to be measured from the inside, for it is her soul that is enslaved, her body simply follows... "

"You can't love someone the way You need to love them. You have to love them the way the they need to be loved."

"All is as it should be."

How can I submit if you don't see me as an equal?

Rich the treasure, Sweet the pleasure,Sweet is pleasure after pain. -- Dryden

Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

All the world's a cage. -- Jeanne Phillips

When you go see a woman, don't forget to bring the whip. -- Nietzche

It is not enough to conquer; One must know how to seduce -- Voltaire

The great art of life is to feel that we exist even in...Pain

A dom is not a dom because he is better; he is better because you let him be.

Perhaps Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I'm not a painslut, I'm a pain appreciatrix."

"True submission is of value because of what the sub offers-- to suspend a strong will for a time to the will of the Dom."

"Il faut souffrir pour etre belle" (old French proverb, translated means "One must suffer to be beautiful")

"If you are going to suffer, do it magnificently."

Life is too short to lie to yourself.

"‘Come to the edge’, he said. They said, ‘We are afraid’. ‘Come to the edge’, he said. They came. He pushed them… And they flew." -Guillaume Apollinaire

"I said to the Man who stood at the gate of the year: 'Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he said to me, 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That will be better than a light, and safer than any known way."
-- Minnie Louise Haskins

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

A sub with a safeword is a Domme on her knees.

"This land is mine and I let you rule I let you navigate on demand Just as long as you know…this land is mine" - Dido

I would rather light a candle than curse the darkness - Elenore Rosevelt

There is no more lively sensation than that of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of the pleasure women perpetually feign and almost never experience. --Marquis de Sade

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

“It is within the experience of everyone that when pleasure and pain reach a certain intensity they are indistinguishable” ~Arnold Bennet~

“Pleasure and pain, though directly opposite are contrived to be constant companions.” ~Pierre Charron~

"Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other." ~Laurence Sterne~

Pains of love be sweeter far than all the other pleasures are'" ~John Dryden~

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. ~Gibran Kahil~

"Never a lip is curved with pain That can't be kissed into smiles again." ~Bret Harte~

"I saw an angel ttrapped in marble and I carved to set her free." -Michaelangelo

"I'm not a masochist... I just like experience. If it's new, it's interesting... Really, I'm just easily bored."

“Remember that pain has this most excellent quality. If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe it cannot be prolonged.” Seneca

"Only death goes deeper than sex." - Mason Cooley

"He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command." - Machiavelli

"Never waste a really good threat." Laurel K. Hamilton as Anita Blake

"He's so proper. I want to rip his clothes off and lick him until he forgets his manners."

"I like other people's fear. Does that make me a sadist?" "No. That makes you a dentist. The two are easily confused." - Unknown

"The sexiest thing in the world is whatever is going to happen next, when the only thing you know about it, is that there is nothing you can do about it." ~unknown

Breath Control

I begin this blog with a warning, I'm writing about a breath control fetish as a way to study it. I'm not advising you go try it. Breath control (choking, sexual asphyxiation, etc.) is considered "edge play," meaning it is highly dangerous and many in the BDSM community believe you should never try it. The reason this fetish struck my interest is because it is so unsafe and yet so common. If you listen to anything like Loveline or pay attention to the news, people regularly die or force their partners into unconsciousness from this play.

This will be a short study of the breath control fetish, how it is implemented, and my perspective. I have also taken into consideration all types of play, from barehanded choking to gags.

The earliest documented history of this fetish is in the 1600s, when doctors prescribed it as a way to combat erectile dysfunction. The doctors noticed that bodies showed an erection after being hanged, and came to the natural conclusion that lack of air = sexual arousal.

Now this practice is commonly used for a control for the Dominant to use. I was reading opinions on this subject and one sub wrote it was the ultimate turn on, because her Dom had her life in his hands. This is very true! The sub also experiences a "high" from the lack of oxygen and the unusually large amounts of endorphins running through the blood stream. This method works as a turn on for both parties. The Dom's high is a of mental power rush and the sub experiences corporal pleasures.

I believe the safest way to do this is by using your hand only. There is no way for your hand to become stuck and unable to be removed. However, many people involved in "edge play" will uses all types of instruments to control breathing. Often times it could be as simple as a plastic bag or as intricate as a full latex suit with a restrictive apparatus attached. In either course of action I personally recommend you do not try this. If you decide the risks are worth the pleasure keep a working phone near, keep tools handy, and go get some training in CPR. The most important thing for the Dom to remember is to know your partner. We frequently state how communication and knowing your partner are the keys to staying safe. This case is no different! The sub may be unable to say a safeword and you should have a safe action if you are going to be unable to speak.

This is not only a couple's practice, but one that is frequently done during masturbation. The lead singer of the band INXS died performing autoerotic asphyxiation. It is normally practiced alone making it the most dangerous form of breath play. If the solo participant gets stuck or unable to open their airway, they will panic and quickly pass out. Death by strangulation is very quick! I don't believe in this case the risk ever justifies the rewards.

I believe breath play is a very sexy thing, but it is dangerous at the same time. I don't recommend you to try it. On the other hand, I enjoy breath play to an extent. I enjoy the rush of power and control I feel. I never, ever restrict the breathing of my sub to the point of unconsciousness. This is why I think it's important to know your partner. You might think my beliefs hippocritical, but ask a smoker if they recommend you start smoking.

Always, always stay safe, know your partner, and be a good Dom, take care of your sub.

Test Your BDSM Knowledge and Kink!

Go to How Kinky Are You?

Go to How Much Do You Know about BDSM?

Enjoy! :)

Limits

Limits are a very important of BDSM. They are something you and your spouse must talk about first, before you try anything new. As you do research and discover more and more things that can be included in your sex life, you may find some of the activities surprise you, disgust you, intrigue you, turn you on, turn you off, make you sad, or anger you. This is totally normal! And this is why limits come into play.

A limit is something you don't want to try. Setting general limits allows the Dom (or Domme) for the scene a lot of creative freedom. If they come up with a great new idea in the middle of a scene when it is too late to talk about it, and it doesn't violate one of your limits (and you don't use your safeword), they can go ahead and try it!

Soft limits are things you are not comfortable with now, are unsure about, or don't think you want to try. However, there is some room for future reconsideration. I have found that, as I delve more and more into trust and BDSM with my dom, that some things I found "gross" at the beginning are actually becoming more acceptable and intriguing to me with time. I just needed time to think about them and get used to the idea!

Hard limits are things a top can never push! These limits are Set In Stone. You do NOT want to mess with someone's hard limits.

You and your spouse should take some time to research BDSM, read books, browse the internet (find informational articles, not erotica or porn!), and peruse chat rooms and blogs. Share what you learn, take time alone to think and set your own limits, and then share with your partner. Respect each other's limits.

BDSM is based on trust. You should be able to tell your partner your deepest, darkest fantasies, even if you are afraid they are "wrong" or your partner will be disgusted. Communicate openly!

And remember, never be judgmental toward your partner. If your spouse details a dark fantasy about how they want to dress you up as a pony, ride you around the room, and make you neigh and whinny during sex, and you are totally not into that, don't judge them (pony play is an actual part of BDSM, btw). Listen in a nonjudgmental, supportive way, tell them you understand and appreciate their desire, but say right now you just don't think you could do that. Never make your partner feel lesser or judged for sharing a fantasy; that will stop all future communication, and that is never a good thing!

If you're still not sure what limits are, I will give you some examples from my own experience:

1. Soft limits: whipping, being tied up for more than an hour, pony/puppy play, needle play, kidnapping scenes.


2. Hard limits: being forced to give oral sex, anything involving excrement or feces, having other people watch or participate in sex, nipple torture (ow!), porn.

Remember: Communicate, respect each other, and have fun!

Aftercare: An Important Part of Any Sex

We've talked a lot in this blog about how to terrorize and torture a sub, both mentally and physically. It is important to note that in BDSM, a sub derives some sort of pleasure from being frightened, dominated, hurt, or manipulated; it is never nonconsenual. Both partners enjoy doing something kinky and exciting. But I think it is really, really important to emphasize something we have not yet mentioned: aftercare.

Aftercare is exactly what it sounds like: taking care of your sub after your "scene" is done! It does not matter if the scene ended with a safeword or just because you were done; aftercare is vital!

Whoever is playing the Dom or Domme for this scene needs to be prepared to give your sub aftercare. The human body absolutely must receive time to heal from physical wounds or emotional trauma. Even if it was all in good fun and both parties desired it, the sub needs this TLC from their Dom. The human body does not register a difference between pain the person wants to receive and pain the person does not want to receive: your brain still releases the same chemicals, and your body still goes into fight-or-flight mode.

If your play was especially dangerous or edgy, your sub may be in physical shock. Even if not, their heart will be pounding and adrenaline surging through their body, and they need you, someone who loves and cares for them, to take care of them now.

Some good activities for aftercare for subs are:

• wrapping a warm blanket around them, as body temperature drops drastically when your body comes out of shock


• holding them and cuddling them silently


• stroking their hair


• giving them a massage


• bringing them a glass of water to rehydrate their body


• bring them a snack, especially if your mate has low blood sugar issues


• applying aloe if you've hit them hard enough to break or bruise the skin


• whispering quietly to them, rubbing their back, and reminding them how much you love them


• letting them cry, be angry, shake, or whatever they need to feel at that moment


• talking quietly about the scene, what they felt, what you liked, and re-sharing the intimacy of it together


• playing soft music, talking soothingly to them, reading to them, praying together, drawing them a warm bath, or anything else soothing

It could be psychologically damaging for you to play "hard" with your mate, then just get up and leave and expect them to be okay, or roll over and fall asleep! You can NOT forget to provide aftercare after every session!

Of course, these scenes can be hard on doms, too. Even if they want it, it can be difficult for a dom to have to play "the bad guy." They have to yell, hit, beat, or scare someone they love. They have to play a role that society says is wrong, immoral, or bad. That can be difficult for someone to maintain for any length of time.

Some good activities for aftercare for masters are:

• rubbing sore muscles (if you've been hitting hard)


• cuddling and being held


• whispered words of love and loyalty


• sharing that you did, indeed, enjoy the scene and appreciate their efforts to play "the bad guy" for you.

Whether for BDSM or not, sex should always be about intimacy and love as well as physical desire. Aftercare, cuddling, talking, holding each other, and communicating what you liked and did not like about the session is crucial in every relationship. Never forget to play hard, but provide loving aftercare later--your lover needs it.

Identity Crisis Solved: All those darn BDSM terms!

When entering the BDSM scene, it is easy to feel confused and lost. BDSM makes you really think about your wants, desires, and how you want them fulfilled. There are a host of terms used by BDSMers, and they aren't interchangable! People may wonder, "Am I a top? Switch? Sadist? Master? Daddy? How do I know?!?!?" A full-blown BDSM identity crisis may ensue. Fear not, we have the answers! :)

First off, BDSM is an acronym for many things: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Slave and Master, and Sadism and Masochism. It is possible to be interested in one or many of these roles!

A sadist is, very simply, one who enjoys inflicting pain. What keeps a BDSM sadist from being a common criminal sociopath is that BDSM sadists only enjoy it if their partners are willing. A masochist is just the opposite: someone who enjoys receiving pain for sexual pleasure. Of course, for both these people, context is important: it is sexy to spank your partner during role play, but it's not sexy to jam your finger in the door accidentally. A sadist and masochist won't enjoy this type of pain.

The people who enjoy both receiving and causing pain, depending on the circumstance, are called sadomasochists.

A top is related. This person is the person delivering the blows or "on top" during a scene. A bottom is the person taking the blows or "on bottom." While usually a sadist will enjoy being on top more and a masochist on bottom, anyway can fill any role. For example, a husband who isn't really interested in whipping his wife can still do it to please her. In this case, he are a top but not a sadist. Also, the terms top/bottom have nothing to do with a relationship or who has the control; you could be perfect strangers.

Once you begin to be in some sort of relationship, you get the terms submissive/dominant and slave/master.

A submissive is a person who finds sexual pleasure out of being dominated and put in a submissive position. Often, this person may be completely dominating in real life. It doesn't mean you are a wimp or a wuss if you like to be the sub! In fact, most people--both men and women--prefer to be the sub. And subs can vary on why and how they like to be dominated: some may like just being physically overpowered, while others may want to be psychologically dominated (through humiliation, namecalling, or roleplaying). Some people want both at the same time!

Each sub will vary by personality. Some people will submit to your power gladly and never fight you for it. Others will be wildcats, testing you, pushing your limits, and fighting back tooth and nail for control, to see if you can take it. Either way, it can be fun!

A dominate (Dom for males, Domme for females, or Dominatrix for females who do it professionally) is the opposite. This person enjoys being in control. For some it means physically holding you down, for others it means scaring you, for others it means asking nicely and then enjoying it as you serve them loyally. Each Dom has his/her own style and things they prefer. Also, a dom/sub relationship can be as permanent or temporary as you wish: you can agree to be a Dom for 20 minutes, or to have a D/s relationship only in the bedroom, or only on certain occasions, or a little bit in real life as well. It's up to you and your partner! The key is that both partners have to agree.

Once you go to 24/7 power exchange, it is called a Master/slave relationship. A Master is someone who is 100% in charge of the emotional, physical, mental, and sexual wellbeing of his slave. (A female is called a Mistress.) This is a Dom who does it full time! A slave is a sub who submits, not just in the bedroom, but every minute of every day. They are given rules to follow (in their dress, relationships, activities, and sexual lives) that must be obeyed explicitly. In return, they expect 100% love and care from their Master. Often these people find a real intimacy in serving and being served so consistently, and this is fine as long as the relationship does not become idolatrous.

Most of you out there are actually probably Switches. This means you switch with your partner, and can play both Sub and Dom, top and bottom, sadist and masochist. You are the most versatile of all BDSM players, because you can enjoy many roles!

There are also other terms of interest. A Daddy is someone who is a Master, but always in a protective, fatherly way. This person may like to engage in age play with a woman who derives sexual and psychological healing or pleasure from pretending to be a younger adult, teen, child, or baby. Of course, if you prefer to pretend to be an infant, you are called a Baby.

A Boi is a term used either for an effeminate man or a butch woman. So, if your wife sometimes acts tough and manly in the bedroom, you could call her your Boi. Likewise if you are a woman who likes to make your husband dress in women's clothing and pretend to be feminine.

On a personal note, I self-identify as a sub. But realistically, I am a submissive and bottom. On rare occasions I am also a bit of a masochist and a switch, but these are rare enough that I don't integrate them as part of my identity, but rather as sporadic aberrations from it. This is because I love to be dominated in the bedroom, physically but especially psychologically and emotionally (sub). I enjoy being on the receiving end of all our activities (bottom). I put up with pain because my Dom enjoys it, but it is only on occasion that I actually enjoy it for its own sake (biting, slapping), which makes me a tiny little bit of a masochist but not much. And on rare, rare occasions, I like to give my dom a taste of his own medicine by taking control and teasing him (switch). But mostly, I am a sub.

In contrast, my dom is a Dominate, sadist, and top. He is not a switch, definitely, and never really likes to be submissive. He is a true sadist, who gets off on seeing me squirm when he hurts me a little. He is also very dominating, getting off on power by controlling me physically and mentally (this is the point of "training"). So far, he has never been a Master or a Daddy to me, but there is always next time. :)

Hope this helps! Play safe and remember, research new moves before you try them out on someone else!

Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist

So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!

Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.

• BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
• Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
• Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
• Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
• Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
• Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
• Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
• Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
• Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
• Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
• Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
• Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.

Helpful Links for the Aspiring Sadomasochist:
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.