Age Play for Beginners

Age play is any sort of sexual fantasy where one (or both) of the partners acts or feels younger or older than they are. You might be surprised how common some age play fantasies are, such as:

• high school cheerleader and high school principal
• young virgin and experienced adult
• angry parent spanking a wayward child

These types of fantasies and sexual play are normal. Any time one person is acting younger, even if you don't necessary think of yourself as being a teenager or child, an age-ist element comes into play.

There is no right or wrong way to go about age play. You can decide to pick an age and act that way, or you can just get into the scene and decide later what age you felt and acted like.

My Dom and I often do scenes with a power exchange, so age play seemed logical for us. It's not a big leap from "boss and hapless secretary" to "cheerleader and principal." And from there, it's a smaller leap still to "little girl and Daddy."

Before we started the play, we never decided upon an age. He just told me to start calling him Daddy (months later, this is still sometimes embarrassing for me!) and I suddenly had an outlet for all those clingy, whiny, pouty emotions I so often used to hide. It felt great! It wasn't that I actually regressed to a younger age, but I was allowed through a BDSM scene to let loose some of those negative emotions I'd been longing to let go of, but that I'd kept inside because they are often considered young or immature in our society.

Age play doesn't have to just be about sex, of course. BDSM scenes can have sex, or not, depending on what you and your partner want. In this case, my Dom wanted me to feel safe and secure. He wanted to spoil me and pay attention to me and make me feel like a treasured princess the way I rarely did with my own parents. It wasn't about sex or having an orgasm at all---it was about healing the wounded child of my past.

To do this, he wanted to just pamper me and shower me with attention. If you think this might be good for you or your spouse, consider putting in an old childhood favorite movie, playing, cuddling, making cookie dough, or simply finger painting. These are all perfectly legitimate activities for an adult that nonetheless will also help you nurture your inner "child."

When I am feeling young, it's not that I actually feel that I've turned into a 10-year-old. It's just an outlet for my insecurities to come out and be reassured by a strong, parental figure. It's wonderful! I don't have to worry about being mature or acting like an "adult" all the time. I can go to my Dom with my fears and insecurities. I can whine, pout, or cry for no reason. And because I'm feeling so young and vulnerable, he can validate those emotions for me. Rather than treat me as an equal, he treats me as a vulnerable little girl. He cuddles me and holds me, reassures me, and calls me pet names. It's a great feeling where I'm allowed to let my inner demons out.

If you're interested in this, you might want to make sure that you and your spouse discuss how you want to approach age play. If you picture yourself being a vulnerable, needy 5-year-old and she sees you being a highly sexual 16-year-old, you might have a problem! Both of you can have your needs met, but it might be best to plan for two separate scenes.

For instance, I once asked my Dom, "When I act young.... how old do you think I am?"

I was afraid he saw our scenes in a completely different light. And I was right! He told me he saw me as somewhere around 12-13. I didn't say anything, but this worried me---because I was feeling about 6 or 7. He didn't ask how old I felt, so I didn't tell him. I did ask him tentatively how he felt about doing a scene with a younger age, and he told me that felt too weird---like being sexual with a child. But it was a good thing I asked, or we'd have had entirely different ideas!

Some adults will even go so far as to be babies. This specific type of age play is often seen as AB on BDSM websites and blogs (AB stands for Adult Babies). More on this later!

Whether you feel like a baby, toddler, child, teenager, college student, mommy, daddy, or babysitter, age play can be a great way to get in touch with a side of you that you don't often share with your partner. If it sounds like it might be fun, broach the subject with your spouse and see where it goes. No matter what, enjoy!

The Art of Phone Sex

Phone sex is a hot and wild way to love your partner from afar. During the course of your relationship there will be times when you can't be together. One of you will be on a business trip, at a conference, or visiting sick relatives. These separations don't prevent your ability to be intimate; in fact, they can be a great exercise in love! The idea may sound hokey or strange to you, but if you quit judging it and give it a try. You could be greatly rewarded!

This being said, what makes for good phone sex? I believe it takes a close partner that is not only willing, but creative. They also have to know your turn on/offs and how to build you up.

In the beginning your partner should build you up slowly. The conversation turns sexy and turns you on. Great! Take full use of this by taking it a step further. Ask questions like, "Does it excite you thinking about this?" or "How do you feel when I do this?" Then follow with questions that make them consider touching themselves. Once they are comfortable with this, tell them to start touching. It doesn't have to be direct stimulation, but start slow with a caress on the tummy or arms. Work your way in to the erogenous zones of the body: shoulders, armpits, thighs, or butt.

Give them boundaries, too! Discipline is a very sexy aspect of phone sex! Instruct you partner on where they are able and not able to explore with their hands. Let them desire this and build up tension inside before you give them permission.

During all this fill their head with images of things you would like to do to them or have them do to you. This is instance where learning how to talk dirty is handy! You will provide tension for the body and the mind. Concentrate on their biggest fantasies, driving them closer and closer to an orgasm. Use repetition and make some noise yourself! You partner could use their own cheering section! Guide them slowly to an orgasm. Let them come and pick them back up again.

Have some time afterward to talk and bond before you hang up the phone. Phone sex is a great way to show someone how much you love them while they are away. It is very rewarding and a great addition to any sexual repertoire.

Some great phrases for phone sex are:

• Yeah, you like when I talk to you like that, don't you?
• You're such a good, sexy little bitch.
• Mmm, grab that cock for me. I want your hard cock in my hand right now.
• Baby girl, you're such a good little slut. You make Daddy happy, you know that?
• Do it harder. Harder!
• Touch yourself slowly. Are you imagining it's me? Tell me what you feel.
• Ask my permission before you come.
• I wish I could hold you down and slap you right now. You sound so turned on!
• Mmm, I love to hear your noises. You're soooo hot right now.
• Imagine spreading my ass cheeks open and jamming that hard dick up my ass.

The point is to be creative and graphic. You can't be there in person, so you have to make up for that in lots of talking and moaning that you wouldn't normally do. It's okay--and better--if you get turned on talking to your partner! The more turned on your voice is, the better it will be for them. Try bringing each other to orgasm together, or separately so you can enjoy the conversation. Try commanding your girl to use a vibrator or dildo on the phone with you. Make her ask permission before she takes off each layer of clothing or touches herself. This is a great way to combine BDSM with phone sex.

Enjoy!