"Why Anal Hurts" Review

In his essay "Why Anal Hurts" the 40-year-old author is quick to point out that he advocates painful sexual submission, not sexual abuse or rape. However, he still has ideas most feminists would hate. His whole idea is that men were made to penetrate and dominate, and women were made to submit and receive penetration. From an evolutionary point of view, he's right, and he uses this to justify a man training and hurting a woman with whom he is in a committed relationship:

Anal sex, most sexual acts in fact, should be painful, degrading, humiliating, or some combination of the three for a woman. The reason for that is quite simple: When something pleases you, you are not submitting to it. You are not demonstrating to your man that his protection, shelter, and provision are worthwhile to you. You are not proving that, of the 110 million women in America of potential breeding age, he made the right choice in selecting you to be bound to for the rest of his life.

The truth is, my Dom would probably agree: most sexual acts should be painful, degrading, or humiliating. For him, it's not about showing gratitude for choosing me, it's about submitting as God calls me to and repaying him for taking care of me in our lives.

This explains another reason why anal sex must brutalize and torture your woman. For her entire life—at least as long as you have been hearing that you are a second-class citizen because of your cock—your little slut has been hearing that she’s the one with all the power and control in any and every sexual relationship because of her pussy.

Strongly put, but definitely something my Dom would also agree with. He loves to hurt and bruise me on the inside. He strives to never harm me, but to bruise.  He likes to go wild on top of me and know I am helpless to stop him. He loves to finger me as I try vainly to pull his hand away. And he does believe that too many women today are not dominated in the bedroom, and too many men today are raised to be wusses and wimps. In that, I can agree with him.

The essay is a bit pompous and self-congratulatory, but the author's message is valuable and I believe the article is definitely worth a read.

Fifty Shades of Welcome Home

I'm so tired of hearing about Fifty Shades of Grey. Tired of the Facebook posts I kept coming across: "An Open Letter from a Mother to Her Daughter," "A Letter from a Pastor about Fifty Shades of Grey", etcetera, ad. naseum. Mothers to daughters. Priests to flock. Feminists. Christians. Everyone wanted everyone else to know that what went on in this movie was not okay, not ever, not nohow, not nowhere.




Man hit woman? No. Man coerce woman? No. Man take away woman's choice? Never.


What they all seem to forget is the end of all those sentences. Man hits woman with her willing consent.




The biggest irony of all is the feminists, who by rights should be defending an adult woman's right to engage in any consensual sexual activity,  have jumped right on the bandwagon with the Christians and the mothers.




As someone who lives BDSM and D/s in my life on a fairly steady basis, I wasn't very impressed with the books. Edward--oops, I mean Christian, does lots of threatening and very foreplay-ish dirty talk, but never does he actually do more than tantalizingly threaten. She is never actually hurt. He does not follow through on any threats more scandalous than tying her up and making her listen to soft music. Sensory play. Bleh.




In this very fictional story, the character Christian is actually very straightforward with his potential submissive Anastasia--played by the most boring woman alive in the movie, so I haven't seen it yet--and makes her read and sign a very clear contract before engaging in any physical contact. Anastasia is a woman over 18, and if this turns her on--who are we to care?




Besides, it's obvious than no matter how many Open Letters to Fill-in-the-Blank circulate the internet and garner useless "likes", the truth is this book and movie would not be so popular if deep down, the themes presented here appeal to a lot, and I mean a lot, of women. It has made $400 million dollars in ticket sales, and that's not even including book sales.




Maybe more women will start responding to that appeal and reach out on the internet--to us, to this community. Maybe they will create painfully trite usernames and discover the joys of FetLife, Taken in Hand, and the BDSM blogging community at large.




If you're one of those seekers and you've found your way here, rest a while. We're glad you found us. Welcome home.

Dominant Blogs

I read a lot of submissive blogs. Lately, I'm trying to find more blogs by Dominants.

And I mean good, quality blogs. Blogs written by men in committed relationships with one submissive woman. Men who have something worthwhile to share about their dominance and how their relationships work.

So far, here are some I've been impressed with:

• (Not So) Random Thoughts by Omega. Omega is a Master to the submissive blogger Mouse.


• A Dominant Character by Sir J. He is a 24/7 Dom who's been married 23 years.


• Husbandly Touch by Mick. Mick and his wife are in a DD relationship.


• Goreans of Reality. Jake's Kajira keeps copies of her Master Jake's writings here. He has good insights on how his slave's mind works.


• A Neo Dom's Journey by Neo Dom Tom. He and his wife have been in a full-time BDSM relationship for over a year.


• A Dauntless Journey by Dauntless Vitality. DV writes theoretical articles about how M/s and D/s work.


• The Training of My Lovely Slut by William. He is a Dom who uses elements of DD in his marriage.

I will add that all of these men are still actively blogging as of June 2011. I try not to follow bloggers who fall off the face of the earth. :) If they stop blogging in the future and the links no longer work, I claim no responsibility.

If you enjoy their writings, please support them by leaving a comment. And let them know Sexperts sent you their way!

Submissive Booklist

Click on the books to see more information.

The Story of O

Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot

The Submissive Activity Book: Building Blocks to Better Service

Protocols: Handbook for the Female Slave

Power Exchange Books: Art of Slavery

Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Erotic Servitude

The Compleat Slave: Creating and Living an Erotic Dominant/Submissive Lifestyle

S&M 101

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns

The New Bottoming Book

Christian Books I Recommend

I'm reading some fiction Christian books this summer and really enjoying them. I've also just finished some BDSM-related ones, including The Story of O, and I've just gotten the Marquis de Sade's 120 Days of Sodom from the library. I'm not terribly into reading it just yet, since I think the subject matter will gross me out, but it is a famous book. Anyway, right now I can't bother with the heretical and blasphemous writings of the world's greatest pornography writer because I'm burning through Timothy LaHaye's Left Behind series. Do I have eclectic tastes in books, or what?

During the summer months, we all try to catch up on our reading. (My hubby is reading the Harry Potter series for the first time ever.) If you want some good spiritual food for thought, here are some of my favorite Christian books. You don't have to be a Christian to enjoy them, for for Christians especially, not only are these books entertaining and good reads, but they offer Biblical insights and can help you get closer to Jesus Christ.

Christian Fiction

• The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. One of my all-time favorite books, although a really deep wade for the non-theologians among us (including me!). I liked it better than any of his other good books, such as The Great Divorce or even the Narnia series.
• Out of the Silent Planet by C.S. Lewis. This trilogy is a sci-fi, futuristic look at Christianity as played out on Earth and other planets. My favorite, favorite of the trilogy is the second one, Perelandra, and you don't need to read the first one to understand Perelandra. I highly recommend it! This story re-enacts the story of Eden on Venus as Satan tries his old tricks on the King and Queen of the new world on Venus. Will these two fall as Adam and Eve did, or persevere and build a world based on obedience to God we here on Earth can only imagine?
• This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti. I love this one more than any of his other works, although his series for teens is also pretty good. Told from a fundamentalist perspective, the book follows the angelic and human characters as they fight demonic influences in the world. The sequel, Piercing the Darkness, is also good. I will say that though Peretti's look at demons in our world changed my life, my husband thought it was just okay and my mother was too freaked out by the darkness and the clear descriptions of demons to enjoy it.
• Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers. The story of Hosea retold in the 1800s follows the story of a God-fearing man who struggles to love his unfaithful wife. It's the story of his wife that is so touching as her life changes and she slowly turns to Christ.
• Left Behind by Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins. This series is one of the most famous modern-day works of Christian fiction and hit the bestseller list every time. Anyone interested in Revelations or apocolyptic literature will love it. The writing isn't up to par with Tokein or anything, and its told from a very evangelical and anti-Catholic point of view (which bothers me because I'm both Christian and Catholic) but is still a good read that brings to light a very interesting interpretation of biblical prophecy. I'm learning a lot about the Bible as I read this series.
• The Yada Yada Prayer Group. This one is a good, easy story about a group of Christian women with nothing in common who come together to pray and help each other survive.

Christian Non-Fiction

• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. A must-read for any Christian in (or wanting to someday be in) a relationship.
• Liberated through Submission by P.J. Wilson. This book changed my life when I read it. It's hard to follow, enough that I keep re-reading it for a refresher every few years, and it's terribly simple, but the message of Christian submission is one that is firmly grounded in the Bible and not in popular culture. A great read for married men and women alike.
• The Spirit-Controlled Woman by Beverly LaHaye. I love this book and it changed my relationship with God and myself forever. However, I was disappointed with Beverly LaHaye that she and her husband just basically plagiarized entire chapters from his book The Spirit-Controlled Temperament and put her name on it. Still, I highly recommend this for any Christian women wanting to turn their lives around and walk more in the spirit. This is also a great book for anyone who likes psychology or to self-analyze.
• Too Blessed to Be Stressed. This one is by a black Baptist female preacher and talks about her walk and life.
• Love and Respect by Emerson Eggreichs. This book is a marriage help book told from a Christian point of view. Of course, the author acts as though his way is the ONLY way to have a marriage (nor surprisingly, women need love and men need sex---sigh), but it does have some good points and food for thought.
• And the Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh. A wonderful book on sexual purity for unmarried women hoping to get married and have a Christian marriage someday. For men, there is a similar book co-written with her husband called Who Moved the Goal Post?
• Sex and the Soul of a Woman by Paula Rinehart. This book was so conservative it made me feel guilty and I didn't finish it the first time, but Paula has a valuable message about sexual purity before and after marriage. This book is especially helpful to victims of past sexual abuse.

Enjoy the summer and enjoy the readings!

BDSM Blogger's Coming-Out Story

Did you know that many BDSMers "come out" to their family and friends, just like gay and bi folks do? That's right, apparently it's such a big deal in some families that parents disown you and exes try to get custody of your kids away from you. It's really sad.

I do not have my own coming-out story, mainly because

1. I am not a full-time BDSMer and so it is pretty easy to keep my somewhat kinky desires to myself,
2. My mother and brother are both very comfortable talking about sexuality with me, so while I've never gone into complete detail with them, they both know I like some pain and rough sex, and they both see it as a completely normal desire to want rough sex with your husband on an occasional basis, and
3. my family respects my boundaries, and while they are happy to hear about sex stories I want to share with them, and to give advice, we never really go into super detail about our exploits (I know--ew).

So, I've never come out to my family or friends, although my close friends have an inkling that I write a sex-based blog and know a lot about kink, even if they don't assume I engage in it myself.

However, I do hear a lot of really sad stories about kinksters who "come out" to their family or friends and are completely shunned. Especially with Christian kinksters, some of their pastors and families seem to think that you can't love and follow Christ and have kinky sex, and their families are sadly judgmental. (I'm happy to say that my mother is a wonderful Christian woman who believes that within marriage, anything I want to do with my husband is fine.)

There are lots of sex bloggers on the internet--obviously--and the ones that are good, I try to share on here so my readers can enjoy them as well. There are not many Christian BDSM bloggers, but there are lots of secular BDSM sites that are very Christian friendly: they don't contain porn or anti-religious messages, they don't support wild sex with strangers every time you get horny, and they simply describe the BDSM lifestyle of the author. It can be hard to find BDSM sites that don't confuse BDSM with "porn" (the two are very different), but they are out there.

Today, I read a coming out story by Clarisse Thorn. Clarisse is a well-established BDSM blogger in the Chicago area, and her story of how she discovered the kinkster within herself has recently been published by Time Out Chicago. I've read several of Clarisse's posts, and her frank discussion of BDSM stereotypes is refreshing and informative; also important, I found nothing anti-Christian about her site, although it appears to be non-religious.

Here is an excerpt from Clarisse's first experience with extreme BDSM:

"It's okay," Richard said, "she likes it," and pulled my hair hard enough to force me to bow my head. I do? I managed to think, before thought vanished back into the blur of alcohol and pain. Our friend's face loomed over me, concern sketched vividly on his features.

I closed my eyes.

"Mercy," I whispered.

To read more of her story, "Love Bites," simply follow the link.

And so, readers, I'm curious. Do you have a "coming out" story? How did your friends and family handle it? Were you greeted with love and acceptance or judgment and condemnation?

D/s and Ayn Rand?

I've been re-reading Atlas Shrugged, a monstrosity of philosphy and a masterpiece of literature. While I can't agree with Ayn Rand (Ayn is pronounced as though it rhymes with 'mine,' not 'man'), I'm struck anew by the many passages relating to one of her themes: a cold, strong, powerhouse of a woman is dominated sexually by a colder, stronger, more powerhouse of a man.

It's both academic and sexy.

Below are some examples from this novel:

The diamond band on the wrist of her naked arms gave her the most feminine of all aspects: the look of being chained.

and

Fransisco stopped, looked at her, and slapped her face.

She felt ...[a] violent pleasure that Francisco had done it. She felt pleasure frm the full, hot pain in her cheek and from the taste of blood in the corner of her mouth. She felt plesure in what she suddenly grasped about him, about herself and about his motive. She...stood facing him in he consciousness of a new power, feeling herself his equal for the first time.

"Come here," he ordered.

She laughed, stepping back. "Oh no. I want to keep it as it is. I hope it swells terribly. I like it."

and

He seized her, she felt her lips in his mouth, felt her arms graspig
him in violent answer, and knew for the fist time how mch she had wanted him to
do it. ...He held her, pressing the length of his body against hers with a tese,
purposeful insistence, his hand moving over her breasts as if he were learning a
proprietor's intimacy with her body, a shocking intimacy that needed no consent
from her, no permission. She tried to pull herself aay, but she only leaned back
against his arms long enough to see his face and his smile.

She knew that fear was useless, that he would do what he wished, that the
decision was his, that he left nothing possible to her except this thing she
wanted most--to submit.

and

She felt as if she were crying to him: Don't ask me for it--oh, don't ask me--do
it!

Sexy literature! :)

The Sex Blog of a Christian Doule

I've been meaning to do this for a while.

I got busy with the beginning of school and work, and I kept drafting this blog in my head, but I didn't get around to it until today. For that, I apologize to Doule.

What I've been meaning to share with my readers is the blog by Doule.

Doule, for those of you who don't know (I didn't), is the Greek term for a bondwoman, servant, or attendant. That's the word doule. The person Doule is my friend--well, not friend in the real-life sense of the term, but she feels like a friend because I've come to know her through so many of her online writings on Fetlife and her blog. Eventually in the Christian groups on Fetlife, you begin to see postings by the same people, and they begin to become real people to you, not just names; people with personalities and beliefs and idiosyncracies and characters. Doule is one of those. She used to go by the FL name "Mze", which I now believe are initials but I always pronounced to myself as "maze," but she changed her screename a few weeks back to Doule. And Doule she is.

I wanted to share her blog because I believe it will be of interest to my readers. Her blog is a BDSM blog, a sex blog, a kink blog, a Christian blog, a woman's blog, a blog about a journey, about love lost, about a relationship with Christ, about the Holy Scriptures, about anal sex, about random ponderings, about breaking up, about sex toys, about thinking, and about life.

It's written totally different from my own style of writing, which I think is good. She has a very deep quality to her writing, yet her posts tend to be short and varied in nature. I go away thinking.

Whether you're an agnostic, a Christian, a Master looking to be a better leader, a sub wondering how to submit, a slave wondering how to live her faith, or a kinkster looking for kinky reads, you'll like this blog.

I like it because it's a real sex blog about the real sexual experiences of a woman who is first and foremost a Christian, yet undeniably a slave (doule). Whether you're there for the sex, the faith, or both, you'll like it.

Want to know more about FIOMA (Focus Is On My Ass) and how one woman struggled with it throughout a relationship where the man loved anal but she hated it and felt completely unloved?

Want a thought-provoking Biblical analysis on the difference between "submit" and "obey"?

A commentary on the moral and Scriptural case for or against Christianity and BDSM?

Are you and your kinky lover interested in chastity rings? (Can we say "Ouch!"?)

Or perhaps you're a Christian man who is or is hoping to be a Christian husband. Or a Christian woman who is or wants to be a godly wife. Or maybe you're a Christian couple who wonder how you can incorporate BDSM into your faith--or, possibly, how you can incorporate your faith into BDSM. This description of a husband's love and a wife's submission are for you.

Do you ever wonder how you can be a better slave to your earthly Master? Or a better slave to your Heavenly one? So what is a doule, anyway?

I loved this description of a dance of love between husband and wife, Christ and church.

Are you a slave or submissive who's ever struggled with balancing your desires and your submission?

As a sub, how do you relate to your Top and to your ultimate master, your God in heaven? As a top, how do you lead your sub and also submit to your God? This post will give you some food for thought!

Or if you're done with religion and BDSM for the day, this post on anal orgasms might tickle your fancy. I promise, it's completely about sex and sexuality, with no tricky religious problems thrown in. But it's still interesting!

Can a sub still have desires? When does she desire too much? When does she cease being a sub? When is she too submissive and becomes untrue to herself? Read The Tension to get some new perspective.

Need some spiritual uplifting? Check out the post God's Bride.

For Christians, what is the difference between a helpmeet and the weaker vessel? Can a woman be both? What does Scripture say?

And what is a Kyrios (Master), anyway?

I liked this commentary on 1 Peter 3 so much that I shared it with my Dom.

How can I, as a woman, be a better helpmeet to my mate?

I can't give you a taste of everything Doule has written on her blog, but these should get you started. Read, drink it up, post comments, read some more.

Enjoy!

Advice Column Tackles BDSM

I thought this advice columnist about explaining your BDSM activities to nosy or concerned friends and family gave the girl in question some wonderful advice. If you're interested to read the rest of the advice column, click here. Scroll down to Washington, D.C. to see the one about BDSM, but there are several others on the page. The advice about BDSM I've also copied and pasted here:

Washington, D.C.: My live-in boyfriend and I have been together for three years,
and our sexual activity tends to be a bit ... unorthodox. Both of us are into
BDSM, which (on occasion) leaves bruises and marks on whoever is "subbing" that
night. These activities are mutually fulfilling, completely consensual, and
always done safely and sanely (safewords, aftercare, etc.). Unfortunately, a
friend of mine with whom I work out has noticed a number of bruises and the
occasional mark when I've changed in front of her. Of course, now she thinks I'm
stuck in an abusive relationship. For the last few weeks, she's been referring
me to literature on abuse, calling me at odd hours to make sure I'm OK, etc.
Whenever I start to insist that, no, this isn't what she thinks, she assumes
that I'm just being defensive and validating her concerns. I don't feel
comfortable giving the details of my sex life to her or explaining that if she
were to see my boyfriend, he would look much the same. But I also don't want my
friend to think that my loving, understanding, admittedly kinky boyfriend is
harming me, and that I need help out of the relationship. How can I defuse my
friend's concern while still keeping my private life, well, private?

Emily Yoffe: You don't need to give her the details, but short of
telling her, "If you don't stop, I'm going to be tempted to flog you with a
whip—because that's what 'Sam' and I do for fun," you have to get a little more
explicit to get her off your back. Next time she brings it up say, "I understand
your concerns, and I know you think I'm covering something up, but Sam and I
engage in unorthodox, mutually satisfying activities that aren't for everyone,
but are for us. Please accept that I am completely in control of my personal
life, and I appreciate your caring, but this subject is closed."

Sugasm: The Web's Top Sex Reads

Sugasm is a weekly contest of the web's best sex-related articles, photos, and blogs. If you're interested in reading more adult- and BDSM-themed material, you'll love this weekly post! The best sex blog writers submit their best posts from the week, and submissions are voted on and passed on to you. Follow the links below to explore this week's best kinky writing!

Warning: Sugasm is NOT a Christian-themed contest, so many writings will not be Christian-friendly.

HNT courtesy of Erotic Garden.

This Week’s Picks
Covet
“My mouth waters at the sheer beauty.”

Lilly’s Turn - Part 3: Wherein Lust, Greed and Risk Intersect
“She was biting her lip to prevent herself from making a sound.”

Oh Dirty Girl
“It was at that moment that I knew I needed him to take me and take me dirty.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Porn’s 2009 AIDs Outbreak

Sugasm Editor
Review: Why Just Her

Editor’s Choice
My very first HNT!

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

Erotic Writing & Experiences
He Can Use Me All Night – Part Two, Yet Another Hotel
Hump Day Poetry
I Can’t Get No Contraception - Part 2
Just fucking.
Keeping It Simple
Tedious Training
Wet dream at the airport-part2

News, Reviews & Interviews
20 Questions with Satine Phoenix
Favorite Jeans -HNT
Girly HNT.
Glow Plugs and the Kegel8 Effect
I’m unemployed and I live with my parents
Protection and Promiscuity

Sex Advice
Congrats! You are the new proud owner of some Sexy Lingerie!
Pompoir: The Art of Milking the Lingam
The truth about female ejaculation

BDSM & Fetish
Breed Sex Part 1: They Want to Cum in You.
Daddy Spanked Me
Darklady’s 9th Annual Masturbate-a-Thon - The Solo Sex Circus
High School Bully Part 3
Humiliation
Imprint
A Kiss Goodbye
Meeting a Domme
Le 6 janvier…L’histoire!…My version

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Bent in the chair for harsh punishment
Cikita
Lindsay Lohan Topless Twitter Picture
Liv - Pure Perfection
Nude at daylight
Teen girl bending over for some harsh cane stripes
Touched

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Eagerness & Blow Jobs – Lessons Learned From Gay and Bi Men
Faking Orgasms How it feels for a girl
On Love, Loss and Taking Risks

SEXPERTS Now Available on KinkySexLink!

I'm thrilled to announce that my blog has been chosen for addition to the net's best bloggers list on Kinky Sex Link!

Kinky Sex Link (www.kinkysexlink.com) is a BDSM resource site run by Mystress Lady Evyl. It's an 18+ site for BDSM bloggers and avid blog readers, with loads of links to all the best sex and BDSM bloggers out there on the web. There is a monthly contest for the best blog submission (comment on your favorite post to nominate that writer), a monthly feature called KSL Beat that features various articles and reviews to keep you current with the BDSM world, and even the chance to submit your own articles and news for other kinksters online.

KSL also has a "Blogger Bio" page introducing you to the internet's best sex bloggers (check me out under "Sexperts"!) and their blogs, with writers ranging everywhere from married to poly, Master to slave, Christian, pagan, straight, transgender, queer, gay, and everything in between. Whatever your interests, these writers represent the best BDSM blogs out there, and KSL lets you read their posts all in one convenient location.

Mystress Evyl has also included a great Links page, which includes famous past KSL bloggers, online BDSM stores, localized BDSM news and attractions, erotica, toys, recommended reading lists, online fetish communities, and "how-to" guides for all types of BDSM, from Mastering to puppy training.

Please hop on over to www.KinkySexLink.com to support your fellow kinksters and their blogs!

Article on Christian BDSMers

I enjoyed this amateur article about Christians and BDSM. The article can be found under the AC (Associated Content) BDSM Lifestyle section. The author is not a Christian, and I think it is good to see our views and lifestyle as viewed by those outside it. The text deals with some of the common misperceptions of Christians by others in the community and the hardships some Christian couples face. This author treats the subject respectfully and fairly, in my opinion; it is worth a read.

Click here for the article!