Being a girl, I was both amazed and confused by the BDSM phenomenon of Small Penis Humiliation (SPH). I found out about this unique fetish in a Fetlife chat group of men raving about the turn on of, you guessed it, being humiliated about the worthless size of their tiny penises. Even men who didn't have small penises sometimes enjoyed it! And here I was under the impression that all men had a Freudian complex and wanted bigger, better, thicker, and meaner pieces of meat.
Like a true little journalist, I set to work right away digging up all I could about the SPH fetish. And to my great delight and profound gratefulness, I found many men on Fetlife willing to talk to me about their, um, small genitals, how it started becoming sexy for them, and why and how they enjoy SPH now. Read on for what my interviews revealed...!
Q: Why do men even enjoy SPH?
Two of my interviewees said their SPH fetish began for them in their teens, during gym class. They both had experiences with boys in gym pointing and laughing. One even had the boys come up, touch him, force him to touch their penises, make him masturbate, and call him queer. While this is a terrible testament to the cruelty of teenagers, both my interviewees grew past it. They began associating small penises with humiliation, and eventually with sexual pleasure. Since many, many people enjoy humiliation or degradation play as part of BDSM, I can see how this would make sense.
Q: Doesn't SPH hurt their feelings? :(
I asked all the interviewees if PSH hurt their feelings; as a girl, this would be my fear! They all said no; it had hurt their feelings at first, but eventually they grew immune to it. One said he just realized he couldn't help it, as he could his weight or his hair color, and decided not to worry about it but enjoy getting the SPH attention he craved. Another said he grew up and realized it was his mind and heart that made him a man, and not what was between his legs. (Kudos to him, I say!)
I also talked to two men who consider themselves average, but still enjoy humiliation or SPH. One told me he enjoys it because it is the most humiliating thing to be tormented over, and so the emotions are more intense and thus more enjoyable! Others pointed out to me that they enjoy this type of humiliation so much they make it a point to tell others how tiny they are, so they can be laughed at and subsequently turned on. One man told me he wasn't sure he would like to try SPH, as it might hurt his tender male ego, but then thoughtfully added, "Although... I suppose that's the point, isn't it?" :)
Q: Do women enjoy giving SPH?
Well, the point of being a Domme is to make your partner submit, and many Dommes truly enjoy giving emotional and psychological pain. I did read about a woman who enjoyed doing SPH to her lover (he also enjoyed it). She never let him have sex, saying he was "too small," and forced him to be a sex toy at parties with her friends: he had to give sexual favors or receive anal sex from anyone who wanted to use him. Obviously, this is not a biblically-accepted sexual behavior, so I wouldn't recommend it for Christians!
Q: Are there women who enjoy small penises?
I found one (ONE!) woman in all of Fetlife who was loudly proclaiming that she prefers tiny penises. (Sorry, guys, all my life experience and internet research indicates women do, indeed, prefer above-average penises...) I tried to contact her to ask her about it, but she slammed back an e-mail saying she would not deign to talk to someone interested in SPH, and wouldn't talk to me. My subsequent emails were ignored. Ouch! Personally, I consider it silly to refuse to answer someone's questions just because they may not agree with you.... how else would we ever learn about each other?!
Q: Do all men like SPH?
When I asked my Dom about this, he basically said that SPH did not turn him on at all.... it made him sad, hurt, angry, or defensive. Of course, we were trying this via email and not in person, and I'm sure being in person would make a difference, but heed the warning: many guys don't like having their penises made fun of, and saying it is too small is especially close to many tender male hearts, so don't ever just start berating your guy for his tiny manhood before you discuss this with him first!
Q: What about men with average or large penises? Where do they fit into SPH?
Well, I found some average-size men who were very open to SPH. One of my interviewees told me he knew several average men who had a complex about size, either because some woman told them they weren't large enough for them, left them for someone bigger, or complained about the man coming too soon. Others were teased about their penises in childhood or during teenage years, or raised in a strict religious setting where they were taught penises were disgusting, dirty, and evil. Also, one Domme said she had a partner with a huge penis, and tormented him about it, saying he was too big for her and she would rather have a "normal" partner. It seems many men are sensitive about their penises, no matter what their size.
Q: What activities are part of SPH play?
Well, three of my interviewees told me the idea about SPH that most turns them on. Ironically, all three men separately told me they fantasize about being paraded around naked in front of a group of people and laughed at. They said they would not find this hurtful, but very sexy and exciting. Of course, the details differed (one man wanted to be blindfolded, another to be forced to play with himself so he could be teased about the size of his erection), but I found it very intriguing that all three separately had this same fantasy about public torment over their size! Another also added he would like to be a cuckold, which means someone who is forced to watch his Domme have sex with someone else. I wrote back to ask him why this was, and he replied, saying he is too small to please someone sexually during intercourse, but having a sexless relationship with his Domme while being forced to watch her have sex with people who were "more man" then he was would be very exciting for him.
Q: I'm a Christian, so parading my husband around naked in public or making him watch me screw someone else isn't really an option. Can SPH fit into a Christian sex life?
Yes, of course; it just won't include other people! If you or your husband (or both!) are interested in trying SPH, talk about what he would like: how should you make fun of him, what things turn him on or off about it, what humiliation would excite him? Verbally and emotionally, you can ridicule or tease him about his size. Physically, you can make him stand naked while you tease him or measure him. You can even buy Male Chastity Cages (small cages that lock around the penis and you carry the key!), engage in Cock and Ball Torture (CBT), or force him to wear a strap-on a dildo for added physical humiliation. The ideas are limitless; just make sure it's consenual and all in good fun!
Showing posts with label Small Penis Humiliation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Small Penis Humiliation. Show all posts
12/03/2008
11/23/2008
Safewords for Doms: Because Doms Are People, Too!
A safeword, obviously, is usually used by the bottom (or sub), to say that her limits have been pushed or the scene has gotten to real, scary, emotional, traumatizing, or painful. But tops (Doms) need safewords, too!
Being the Dom can often be emotionally difficult. Not only do you have to play the role of a bad guy (rapist, torturer, abuser), but you have to emotionally and/or physically hurt someone you love. While you are acting a scene, your head is probably screaming, "No!" because that's how we've been conditioned by society. Wanting to hurt, control, humiliate, and degrade someone are things society tells us are bad. In addition, your loved one may be crying, begging, screaming, bleeding, cowering in a corner, or whimpering. Even though part of your mind tells you they're safe and this is what you both wanted, there can be that other part that is taunting you, "You're a terrible person. How could you want this? How could you enjoy this? These desires are dirty, nasty, perverted, and wrong. How could you be so turned on by this person's pain?"
Not only do you have to be strong enough to ignore this and tell yourself your desires are normal, healthy, and only enacted after communication and consent, but Doms are also in charge of the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of another person. Your sub has given you her love, trust, and control: you are in charge of two people! Not only do you have to be careful to remember your agreed-upon limits and listen for safewords, but you have to be constantly monitoring your sub's body language, mental state, and emotional signals. Subs who are in subspace often cannot communicate to you that they are being hurt, may forget their safewords, or may not even realize they're in pain until it's too late. (To better understand Subspace, see my dom's post on this.)
So have Doms used safewords? Absolutely. If a scene gets too stressful, or the Dom isn't sure what is going on in the sub's head, he may need to call a break with the safeword. A safeword (called by either person) can completely end the scene, or just be a call for a short break so you can ask a question, communicate that something is off-kilter or needs to be changed, or simply touch base with your partner. Often, if you sub is in subspace, you may need to use the safeword, wait patiently for their daze to wear off, and check to make sure everything is okay (and not just "subspace okay," but REALLY okay).
I've heard of Doms calling safewords. One woman was going to brand her lover in front of dozens of friends, but could tell the mood was off. She used the safeword and they put it off for a few weeks. Other Doms may just need to take a break, or stop altogether because they are not enjoying the scene or are experiencing too much pain/confusion/conflict to play responsibly with two people's safety and wellbeing. Just like driving drunk, if you are not fully capable of being in control of both of you, don't get behind the wheel! BDSM scenes can always wait for another day.
Doms can also experience Top-drop or Dom-drop and may need aftercare. (Top-drop is the same as subdrop, but experienced by the Dom and not the sub. For more info, see my dom's original post.) Because they are enjoying something society says is wrong and perverted, after a scene the Dom may feel a rush of depression, self-loathing, or embarrassment. One Mistress engaged in SPH (Small Penis Humiliation) with her slave because he desired it, but after such sessions of making fun of him for his body, taunting him, and breaking down his self esteem, she suffered major Top-drop. Doms and Dommes in this position need tender aftercare as well. (For more on aftercare, see my related post.)
So even if you are a Dom, top, Master, Mistress, Daddy, trainer, or Mommy, remember: you're not Super(wo)man! By topping, you take on a huge responsibility, and this can be draining for anyone. Make sure both partners have a safeword, feel free to use it without feeling judged, and are provided with loving aftercare.
Be safe and have fun!
Being the Dom can often be emotionally difficult. Not only do you have to play the role of a bad guy (rapist, torturer, abuser), but you have to emotionally and/or physically hurt someone you love. While you are acting a scene, your head is probably screaming, "No!" because that's how we've been conditioned by society. Wanting to hurt, control, humiliate, and degrade someone are things society tells us are bad. In addition, your loved one may be crying, begging, screaming, bleeding, cowering in a corner, or whimpering. Even though part of your mind tells you they're safe and this is what you both wanted, there can be that other part that is taunting you, "You're a terrible person. How could you want this? How could you enjoy this? These desires are dirty, nasty, perverted, and wrong. How could you be so turned on by this person's pain?"
Not only do you have to be strong enough to ignore this and tell yourself your desires are normal, healthy, and only enacted after communication and consent, but Doms are also in charge of the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of another person. Your sub has given you her love, trust, and control: you are in charge of two people! Not only do you have to be careful to remember your agreed-upon limits and listen for safewords, but you have to be constantly monitoring your sub's body language, mental state, and emotional signals. Subs who are in subspace often cannot communicate to you that they are being hurt, may forget their safewords, or may not even realize they're in pain until it's too late. (To better understand Subspace, see my dom's post on this.)
So have Doms used safewords? Absolutely. If a scene gets too stressful, or the Dom isn't sure what is going on in the sub's head, he may need to call a break with the safeword. A safeword (called by either person) can completely end the scene, or just be a call for a short break so you can ask a question, communicate that something is off-kilter or needs to be changed, or simply touch base with your partner. Often, if you sub is in subspace, you may need to use the safeword, wait patiently for their daze to wear off, and check to make sure everything is okay (and not just "subspace okay," but REALLY okay).
I've heard of Doms calling safewords. One woman was going to brand her lover in front of dozens of friends, but could tell the mood was off. She used the safeword and they put it off for a few weeks. Other Doms may just need to take a break, or stop altogether because they are not enjoying the scene or are experiencing too much pain/confusion/conflict to play responsibly with two people's safety and wellbeing. Just like driving drunk, if you are not fully capable of being in control of both of you, don't get behind the wheel! BDSM scenes can always wait for another day.
Doms can also experience Top-drop or Dom-drop and may need aftercare. (Top-drop is the same as subdrop, but experienced by the Dom and not the sub. For more info, see my dom's original post.) Because they are enjoying something society says is wrong and perverted, after a scene the Dom may feel a rush of depression, self-loathing, or embarrassment. One Mistress engaged in SPH (Small Penis Humiliation) with her slave because he desired it, but after such sessions of making fun of him for his body, taunting him, and breaking down his self esteem, she suffered major Top-drop. Doms and Dommes in this position need tender aftercare as well. (For more on aftercare, see my related post.)
So even if you are a Dom, top, Master, Mistress, Daddy, trainer, or Mommy, remember: you're not Super(wo)man! By topping, you take on a huge responsibility, and this can be draining for anyone. Make sure both partners have a safeword, feel free to use it without feeling judged, and are provided with loving aftercare.
Be safe and have fun!
11/19/2008
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