Spanking Games

For those of you who think spanking is hot (I'm a new convert!), here are a few fun spanking games you might want to try:

• Jacob's Ladder: Lay your partner in your favorite position and have him pick a number between 1 and 50. That is his "ladder." Give him that number of swats; 1 is the softest, 2 a little harder, 3 a little harder, and so on up the ladder.
• One by One: This game gives the spankee more control. Assume the position, and have the spankee call out numbers one by one. She starts out with "One!" and you hit her softly. "Two!" and you hit her a tiny bit harder. When you hit a number she likes, she can keep calling it out ("Eleven! Eleven! Eleven!" until she is ready to move up to the next number. This way, she controls how hard you spank and how ready she is to move up a number.
• Strip Poker: Just like regular strip poker, only now if you lose once you are already naked, you get pulled across a lap and spanked with your least favorite toy!
• Guess the Implement: In this one, the spankee is blindfolded or face down, unable to see. The spanker hits him with different implements (there are some ideas here) and the spankee has to guess what he is being hit with. If he gets it right, he moves on to the next toy; the goal is to get through all the implements with only one spank from each. Of course, if he gets it wrong, the spanker gets to hit him again with the toy, only harder, until he can guess! Creativity in finding implements is a must here.
• Spanking Cards: All you need is a deck of ordinary cards. Assign each of the four suits a spanking implement (e.g.: belt, paddle, hairbrush, and flogger) and have your partner pick a card. The suit tells what you spank with, and the number tells how many spanks you get (2 = 2, Ace = 13). Then switch!
• Double or Nothing: This is a game of endurance. The top spanks the bottom as hard as he can. If the bottom can't take it any more, she calls "Quit!" and loses. However, if she does not call "Quit," but the Top eventually gives up and stops, she gets to give him double the amount of spanks she received as hard as she wants. This makes an interesting choice for a Top: you cannot give more spanks than you are willing to receive double of!
• Dice: Have your bottom roll the die to see how many spanks he will receive.
• Hide and Seek: Adults are never too old to play Hide and Seek! I think this game will be better if you make it Hide and Seek in the Dark. Either way, pick a home base and have one person count out loud. Then, the person who's "it" has to find the hider, while the hider sneaks back to home base. If you get found, you get 10 spanks! If you make it to home base safely, you win--no spanks!
• Roleplaying Games: Games don't have to have a winner and a loser! Pick a hot role and act it out. Are you the mean Mommy spanking her little boy? A teacher paddling an unruly student? A policeman punishing a very fast driver? A boss pulling your secretary over her desk and flogging her for slow work? An angry librarian swatting a customer with books she brought in late? Perhaps an interrogator torturing a subject? The possibilities are endless!

*Note: as always, safewords mean an end to the game, no questions asked. Don't play more than one round of these games in one day.

Puppy Training

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Abduction + Rape Play

If you want to be ready for a rape play + abduction scene (that is, any rape play that does not take place in your own home!), a good idea is to prepare beforehand. The more planning and preparation goes into this, the smoother your scene will go. You can even have a to-go kit for later. Some people believe having a "Rape Play To-Go Kit" ruins the spontaneity, but your partner never even has to know it's there... you can keep it hidden in the trunk of your car, for example.
Many people have fantasies about doing rape play with an abduction element. This is because a new background and props can make it seem more real. Being "raped" by my husband in the comfort of your own bedroom is perfectly fine for me (I like the mental aspects of rape), but many other subs and Doms who rely more heavily on the physical aspects of scene to get into their roles need the location, setting, props, and overall "feel" to be more realistic. If you feel that "playing rape" just feels hollow and fake in your own bedroom, try setting the mood somewhere else: a bar, an alley (it's illegal to have sex in public, so make it private!), a hotel room, your car, or a deserted park or forest can work wonders for making the scene feel more real!

To make rape play even more realistic, many people enjoy setting it all up with an "abduction scene." Doms can surprise their subs at work, out shopping, in a parking lot, at a bar or club, at a party, or even at home. Kidnap them (making sure worried bystanders don't see and accidentally call the police on you!), bind and gag them, and force them into a car. If they don't know when or how this is happening, it makes it feel all the more realistic for them---just make sure you get consent sometime before.

One idea is to surprise the sub and force them into a car. A (blunt) knife or just physical force can make this feel scary and real, even if they know it is you. Bind and gag them, throw them into the backseat and cover them with a blanket, and drive them to an undisclosed location. The stranger the surroundings are to your sub, the scarier and more realistic it will be, so try to find a place far from home or where the sub has never been and won't recognize her surroundings. (This may be the only time you want to try a seedy hotel!)

If you don't want your sub to know it's you, you can always wear a ski mask. You can even "rape" your sub in your own home this way--I've found that, when the smell and feel of my lover is off, I can't recognize him at all at first. Your sub is going to know the way you feel, smell, breathe, and speak. You can throw her off by changing these things. For instance, shower with a completely different soap and shampoo, wear clothes that are new or have been laundered in a different laundry soap, and wear gloves to mask the feel of your skin. Wear an aftershave, cologne, or mouthwash completely different from what you'd normally ever wear. Slouch and try to walk faster or heavier than you normally do. If your sub can't see you (e.g. if you come in through a window, walk up behind her, and grab her), it is going to take her a while to recognize you. Why? We subconsciously know our lovers by their height, build, touch, and smell. A high school boyfriend of mine once came up behind me and grabbed me in a tight hug. He was wearing his friend's cologne and mouthspray at the time, and I was terrified. It took me several seconds (until he spoke) to figure out who had grabbed me. Until that moment, I never realized how much we subconsciously rely on smell and the sound of voice to recognize people! If you change your smell and feel, and keep from talking or being seen, you can terrifying your sub into real submission for several moments. Of course, eventually you want her to realize it's you, so you don't scar her emotionally and so she can utilize her safeword if she needs to.

Another idea some people use to make abduction and rape seem more real is to pretend to use date-rape drugs. I say pretend, because actual date rape drugs are illegal and therefore not moderated by any governmental regulations and highly dangerous. (I'm serious--common effects of date rape drugs include permanent infertility, coma, dangerously heightened or lowered blood pressure, nausea, slowed heart rate, dizziness, inability to speak, seizure, heart failure, and death.) However, you can pretend to get this effect by using sugar water on a cloth (to mimic chloroform) to make your victim "pass out," using tic-tacs or other pill-shaped candies, or whatever the two of you decide to make it "pretending" but still hot. You could also waking her up from deep sleep to get that groggy, out-of-it feeling. I have heard of people using drugs--from NyQuil to muscle relaxers to Ecstasy to alcohol to prescription sleep-inducing drugs. I will say, though, that it is illegal to use legal drugs for this purpose and illegal to use illegal drugs, period. You could go to jail for rape because all these drugs take away a person's ability or desire to think clearly and say no. You could also be convicted of murder if something goes wrong and your sub dies, leaving you pleading with a judge that the drugs, rape, and murder were "consensual."

More practically, how can your sub use a safeword or tell you when something is really wrong if she is not fully conscious? Also, before you try anything, you must do research on side effects, allergies, etc. If you simply must try these methods, do your research, have both of you sign a consent form, and think. Have a phone and first-aid kit handy. Learn how to do CPR. Any drugs that inhibit circulation (like alcohol!) should never be used with bondage or uncomfortable positions. Find out if any substances will react with pre-existing conditions your sub has (low blood pressure, heart problems, diabetes, etc.) and how they will react with medications your sub takes (herbs, vitamins, prescription meds, birth control, everything!) Honestly, it is dangerous to play with BDSM when one person is not capable of giving full consent, but before you try anything, you must do your research! In all, it is less work and safer to stick with pretending...

...Back to ideas for rape and abduction! :)

If you really want to freak out your sub, another idea is to have friends or coworkers she doesn't know kidnap her for you. (Get consent before---several months or weeks before, so she's not expecting it!) Of course, for this you need to have some seriously dedicated buddies who are understanding of your kink lifestyle. Make it very clear they are not to hurt her or sexually touch her in any way, and watch from afar to make sure she is safe. You can even be in the car once she is blindfolded; as long as you don't talk and your friends do, she will never know you're there.

Note: if you don't have any friends this close, or she would recognize their voices and scents, you can try having local BDSMers help you out. Make sure you work with people you trust.

Once your friends get her to the hotel room or abandoned woods or whatever, have them threateningly tell her they are going to strip her off and fuck her mercilessly. Then have them leave you to your wicked ways! As long as you don't speak or give yourself away, you can savagely rip off her clothes and rape her, even leaving and pretending to be many people. If your sub is blindfolded and tied, it will feel incredibly real to her!

Of course, if you are going to have your friends abduct your sub, be smart about it. Get her consent first, and write out that you are her husband, what you are doing and why, and sign it so your friends don't get arrested by some cop who misunderstands the situation.

To remember this event later, you can secretly put up a video camera so you and your sub can watch the whole thing later. Another good idea is to play loud, unfamiliar music or have some other noise (a tv, your friends in the other room talking loudly, a tape of your friends pretending to egg you on as you rape her, etc.) so she is less likely to recognize your breathing. If you are playing multiple people, use different scents, different textured clothes, handle her differently (as though you were multiple people getting off on her misery in different ways), use a condom, use different toys, and do different things to her (maybe one is an anal fiend, the other obsessed with her breasts, and another wants to rub his dick all over her before he fucks her). Changing gloves, having shirts of very different textures with different scents (sweat in one, leave some in different people's houses for a few weeks, spray them with different colognes, etc.), and changing gum or mouthwash between "characters" will make it seem real.

Of course, before you traumatize your sub, make sure she wants to be raped and get her consent. Find out what makes her turned on, and if this isn't it, don't do it!





If you want to try abducting her--whether it's as simple as you meeting her at a bar and telling her to get her ass in your car or a complex scenario involving props and other people--it is also a good idea to have a to-go kit ready.

Some ideas for a to-go kit that will make your sub's life easier when she gets to return to real life are listed below. Of course, if you just want her to ride home, bound and gagged in the backseat of your car, that's okay, too!



Abduction/Rape To-Go Kit for the Hapless Sub:

• any lingerie or slutty clothes you want to force them to wear during the scene




• extra change of comfy clothes: shirt, bra, panties, jeans, socks, sneakers




• hair brush and ponytail holder




• deodorant




• makeup




• toothbrush and toothpaste




• any medications your sub takes




• contact solution, contact holders, and glasses
  

Abduction/Rape To-Go Kit for the Wicked Dom(me):

• condoms (in different textures and brands if you are playing more than one character)\




• lube




• sex toys, if desired




• paddles, whips, and floggers, if desired




• rope or handcuffs




• duct tape




• blindfold




• gag




• first aid kit




• emergency first-aid scissors




• hotel reservations, if needed




• ski mask




• blanket for backseat of your car




• map to wherever you're going

Also, if you are going to put this much work and planning into a rape scene to make your sub's fantasies come true (go you!), take some time to think about what you want out of these scene. Do you want her to know it's you or not? Will you find it sexier if she struggles, screams, and runs, or if she goes limp and does not resist? If she is honestly terrified for her life, crying and pleading, is that going to turn you on or make you feel guilty and be a huge turn-off? Would you rather have a sub who fights and screams the whole time, one who eventually stops struggling and goes limp, or one whose body betrays her by getting wet and sticky even as you rape her?

Whatever it is you want and need out of this scene, you need to communicate with your sub to get it. It is highly unlikely your sub will just magically happen to respond the way you're dreaming she will. Some women fight, some scream, some go limp, and others urge you to fuck them harder. Whichever one you want, have some conversations with your sub beforehand. Mention rape fantasies and tell her what you find sexy about these scenes. Share your dreams and what happens in your personal fantasies: what is happening? how does your victim react? what does she do? Does she say anything in particular? This way, both you and your sub leave happy and fulfilled from the experience.

*Note: you must get consent beforehand for all rape play activities.

**Note: rape play is a type of BDSM activity where consenting adult partners agree to pretend to rape/be raped. This is completely different from actual rape, which is a crime, a sin, and morally reprehensible.

Cheap Ideas for BDSM Play

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Pony Play and More

For me, one of the most interesting fetishes in BDSM is animal role-playing. It is normally called Pony Play or Puppy Play, but really any type of animal can become part of this fetish. Although I can't claim to have ever tried these myself, below I have amassed some info for those curious about this, well... bestial fetish! :)



Pony Play is probably the most common of all animal role-playing games. One human plays the pony and the other plays the master or mistress. There are actually entire events where BDSMers get together to dress up as ponies and have actual competitions with cantering, showmanship, training, and hoofing. Wow!

Puppy Play is, obviously, when one human acts like a dog. The master will train the dog. One friend of mine had a boyfriend interested in puppy play. Here was the scene he described to her:

I want to eat dinner while you kneel at my feet with a collar and a lead [British word for "leash"]. I'll eat my whole dinner, but you can't have any. Then I'll take the lead and lead you upstairs. We'll have sex doggie-style, and you have to yelp like a puppy.

Kitty Play is a fetish where the human pretends to be a cat. (Dressing up as a cat for a costume party does not constitute a BDSM fetish!) The "kitty" walks, acts, and eats like a cat. I've heard of some masters who go so far as to litter train their kitties.

Many BDSM stores (although none I'd recommend) sell outfits and gear for pony, puppy, and kitty play. There are collars, leashes, riding tack, mouth bits, blinders, saddles, bridles, and stirrups. Riding crops and trainers' outfits are available for the Mistress. You can buy bridles and reigns shaped for either the head, breasts, or body. There are masks that cover the human face, horse hats with plumes, and headbands with ears. And of course, the transformance wouldn't be complete without a tail! You can order pony, puppy, or kitty tails that attach to clothing or, more commonly, are inserted as a butt plug. Wow-zahh!

If you are interested in this fetish, you can buy the gear if that makes you happy, but you don't have to; one of you can pretend to be a dog just as easily with puppy ears strapped on as without. You might try it out just to see if it's fun; most people may laugh at the idea of pretending to be a horse, but stop in awe at the hot blonde in a black latex cat suit at the Halloween party! Doms and Dommes may get off on the power trip of control: ordering, training, and whipping a sub that is playing a role completely bereft of speech and totally beneath them. Power doesn't get much more powerful than that! They are a lower than a sub, lower than a slave, and relegated to a pet.

Whether you find this amusing or kinky, it doesn't hurt to try. You can just play the role nonsexually to see how it feels. Many Doms may like the feeling of power, but not need the role to become sexual. Of course, it can become sexual: this type of play is called bestiality play. I must stress that BDSM does not condone actual bestiality, but only consenual human play where one person is pretending to rape an animal.

And if you try this fetish out, please, let me know how it goes! :)

Limits

Limits are a very important of BDSM. They are something you and your spouse must talk about first, before you try anything new. As you do research and discover more and more things that can be included in your sex life, you may find some of the activities surprise you, disgust you, intrigue you, turn you on, turn you off, make you sad, or anger you. This is totally normal! And this is why limits come into play.

A limit is something you don't want to try. Setting general limits allows the Dom (or Domme) for the scene a lot of creative freedom. If they come up with a great new idea in the middle of a scene when it is too late to talk about it, and it doesn't violate one of your limits (and you don't use your safeword), they can go ahead and try it!

Soft limits are things you are not comfortable with now, are unsure about, or don't think you want to try. However, there is some room for future reconsideration. I have found that, as I delve more and more into trust and BDSM with my dom, that some things I found "gross" at the beginning are actually becoming more acceptable and intriguing to me with time. I just needed time to think about them and get used to the idea!

Hard limits are things a top can never push! These limits are Set In Stone. You do NOT want to mess with someone's hard limits.

You and your spouse should take some time to research BDSM, read books, browse the internet (find informational articles, not erotica or porn!), and peruse chat rooms and blogs. Share what you learn, take time alone to think and set your own limits, and then share with your partner. Respect each other's limits.

BDSM is based on trust. You should be able to tell your partner your deepest, darkest fantasies, even if you are afraid they are "wrong" or your partner will be disgusted. Communicate openly!

And remember, never be judgmental toward your partner. If your spouse details a dark fantasy about how they want to dress you up as a pony, ride you around the room, and make you neigh and whinny during sex, and you are totally not into that, don't judge them (pony play is an actual part of BDSM, btw). Listen in a nonjudgmental, supportive way, tell them you understand and appreciate their desire, but say right now you just don't think you could do that. Never make your partner feel lesser or judged for sharing a fantasy; that will stop all future communication, and that is never a good thing!

If you're still not sure what limits are, I will give you some examples from my own experience:

1. Soft limits: whipping, being tied up for more than an hour, pony/puppy play, needle play, kidnapping scenes.


2. Hard limits: being forced to give oral sex, anything involving excrement or feces, having other people watch or participate in sex, nipple torture (ow!), porn.

Remember: Communicate, respect each other, and have fun!

BDSM in History and Practice

Because I (Sub) am fascinated in not just the what, but the why, where, who, and how, I have a soft spot for historical research. (This is perhaps what led me to develop such huge crushes on my history, sociology, and religion professors...) Hence, I thought it was fitting that my first solo blog be about the many, many historical and scientific studies that have been done on sadomasochism. A complete unstyled bibliography will be available at the end, since of course plagiarism is very, very wrong, and I'd hate for my Dom to have to punish me for it later... :)

First, the history of sadomasochism, or BDSM as it is now commonly called.



History of BDSM

From all accounts, BDSM has been around for thousands of years; it can be seen in the artwork and paintings from ancient times. In fact, the Karma Sutra, the ancient Indian text known for being a sacred treatise on sexuality, even mentions different types of hitting and spanking that adventuresome lovers can try. Pictures on the Tombe della Fustigazione, a tombstone dated around the 6th century BC, show two men spanking and whipping a woman for sexual enjoyment.




The Marquis de Sade, one of the most famous BDSM cases of all time, spent the 1700s raping, whipping, beating, and humiliating his unfortunate victims, who were usually prostitutes or servants. During Victorian times, husbands began to use figging (the insertion of ginger root into the anus) on their disobedient wives: they would leave the root in until it began to burn, then paddle or whip them. Ouch!



BDSM Today

Until 1994, sadomasochism was listed as a mental disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders still used by psychiatrists today. In 1994 it was changed, so now only people who harm unwilling victims or are unhappy with their sexual desires are considered to have a mental disorder.



Scientists researching the BDSM lifestyle have found of all the sexually deviant behavior, S&M is one of the ONLY ones that has lots of women participants, too. For most other sexual disorders and deviant behaviors, it is just men. Also, this one is practiced by people of all sexual orientations.

Interestingly, they've also found people who engage in S&M are actually better educated and better communicators than the general public. They also haven't found any links to psychotic behavior; all the articles mentioned that most S&M practicioners will only be interested in S&M if the partner consents and if they have a "safe word."




They have found indications of S&M going back to marriages in ancient times. And a large percent of the population is into it. They said over half of the people in the United States have done mild S&M (specifically biting). But still 5% of the population has done more serious S&M, such as spanking, hitting, and bondage. So there are more people who enjoy beating and choking their partners than there are redheads in the U.S. Sweet!

In fact, BDSM is common enough that asphyxiation results in the accidental death of 1-2 million people per year! Can you believe that?! How many more people must be choking each other if that many people die from it?! They also were talking about asphyxiation as being from plastic bags and tying ropes around each other's necks, as well as more hardcore ideas like a whole-body vacuum. Still, even chocking your partner lightly with your hands can lead to accidental death or unconsciousness, so be very careful! A quick Google search alone will bring up a slew of court cases where a would-be S is pleading innocent to the murder of their poor, deceased M; a word to the wise!

I also thought it was very interesting the breakdown of what the people liked. For example, it wasn't split 50/50, half liking M and half liking S, as you would think. One study found that BOTH men and women enjoyed being SUBMISSIVE better. (This is definitely not true in my relationship!) So what ended up happening was that BDSM would just switch back and forth, taking turns being the submissive. So guys, don't feel bad if you secretly dream of being strapped to the bed by a hot female Dom who walks all over you in her high-heeled leather boots. You're normal!

Although both sexes enjoyed being dominated more, they actually found that women were more versatile with what they liked. Women in general preferred to be dominated most or all the time. Men and women were about even with enjoying both roles and liking to switch. And then women also preferred to be dominating all the time. Men were just generally more in the middle. This is a great statistic since most people assume that in BDSM, men want the "traditional male" role of Dom and women want to be dominated by a strong, domineering man wielding a loincloth and club. Not true!

Another thing I thought was funny: A study said the most common safe word is "red." I thought that was funny.... who would just up and say, "RED!" in the middle of sex?!?! (My own "safe phrase" is a simple, "I can't..." because I think that anything so overtly non-sexual like RED would just ruin the mood!)

They also talked a lot about how S&M communities are really big on "safety first!" I think this is obvious, but I will reiterate it: Communicate communicate communicate! Make sure everything is consensual, always have safe words, and talk out your desires beforehand. If your Sub is not 100% okay with something, don't do it. If you are going to use a gag, you need to have the M person tell you any allergies, heart problems, or health issues before hand. Any time you tie someone up, you can never leave her alone. You must always be within arm's reach, and if you gag or blindfold them as well, you must always be touching them with at least one hand, AND you must make sure you have a nonverbal signal for the safeword since your Sub can't talk!

The nosy psychiatrists also talked a lot about common practices for S&M couples. I love it when people study me and put me in a box! It's so fun to read about! :)

Not surprisingly, the least painful and dangerous are the most often used. For example, a lot more people engage in some light bondage or spanking, and relatively few people engage in beating and mutilation. The more pain and danger involved, the fewer people do it regularly. This is one reason my Dom and I started this site; all the sites were either "Try spanking her lightly" (borrrring!) or "Pierce her back, tie her up, suspend her from the ceiling, and whip her til her skin bleeds!" (too much!).

All three studies I found said that the most common type of S&M used, by both gay and heterosexual couples, was spanking. (I thought that was weird, because although I am an avowed Sub, I detest spanking...) The second most common was always bondage of different types. They also talked a lot about role playing. All the studies mentioned a role playing game called "Master/slave" or "Mistress/slave." And then any other games, like teacher/student, cop/criminal, etc. were just sort of derivatives off the first "game." I did think it was interesting that while both gay and straight couples used spanking and bondage and games the most, slightly more straight couples used the spanking and bondage, and slightly more gay couples used dressing up in like, full-blown leather to play their role-playing games. I wonder why that difference is??

The articles also talked about the danger of using S&M. Like obviously, people can die or get hurt. But also they said that the ONLY difference between S&M and real sexual abuse and rape, is the "intent of the participants." Which is very true, and something like "intent" is so hard to judge and so subjective. So it can be dangerous to engage in something SO close to sexual abuse when it is only in your mind that it is different. Which is why you should ONLY engage in these fun, sexy pleasures with someone you know, love, and trust 100% before you try it.

The studies also found that most S&Mers started between the age of 20 and 25, discovering they liked this stuff. I must be an early bloomer, because I discovered it around the age of 19, but had fantasies about it from 15 or so.... and, hats off to my Dom because he didn't even discover the joys of BDSM til he was 27 and he is already way ahead of the curve!

Then they also talked about what I would consider more "hard core" stuff and why people do it... like actual hurting like whips and sticks. And they said the M person usually doesn't feel how much they are being hurt til later, so be careful! And also more permanent stuff, like tattoes and piercings. The study said that some people said the more hardcore stuff, like tattoes and piercings and wearing a collar was good because the people said it was an expression of their devotion and love for their partner. Oh yeah!, and also they mentioned people liking genital torture. I am not really clear on what that is and my server keeps blocking it (darn!) when I try to look it up... anyone tried it and willing to vouch for it?

There is tons of other great stuff out there on the internet, so have fun sexsearching!



Bibliography

(click the links below to see where I got my information)

TV Documentary on the Marquis de Sade
Psychiatric Site for DSM-IV Mental Disorders
Fascinating clinical study on S&M behaviors.
Scholarly Article on Masochism
I couldn't resist. Here is the Wiki article on BDSM, however unreliable it may be.

Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist

So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!

Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.

• BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
• Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
• Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
• Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
• Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
• Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
• Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
• Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
• Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
• Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
• Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
• Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.

Helpful Links for the Aspiring Sadomasochist:
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.