Nipples!

May I just say nipples are divine?



I don't know if it's the hormones, or just because mine have always been sensitive... but my Dom touching my nipples has added the extra "umph" to just about anything lately.



Turned on by oral sex but can't quite get off? He reaches up to stroke my areolas and I get there. Not turned on enough by kissing and biting my neck to move on yet? He strokes my areolas and I get all tight and turned on.

Nipples rock.

Well, not just nipples. Areolas rock, too. They're an oft-overlooked part of sex and foreplay, I think. Men either want a fistful of boob or they go straight for the tip of the nipple. Give the middle some action, you know?

Not only can I get turned on my having my areolas teased, stroked, massaged, kissed, or lightly pinched, but every once in a while I can even have an orgasm from it. Even though it's not too often, it's always a nice bonus. My hubby likes it, too. :)

And can I just say that there is something so amazingly sexy about having my Dom look down at me, take both my nipples tenderly in his hands, and--making eye contact the whole time--squeeze my nipples hard and watch my face as I deal with the pain? He loves having the control over me and it turns him on. For me, it gives me a hurt-so-good kind of pain and makes me feel wonderfully controlled. And there is just something so intimate about the forced eye contact while he causes me pain and then gently brings me back to pleasure.

Because my nipples and areolas have been the source of so much pleasure in my sex life, I decided to do a little scouring of the internet about them. Here's what I have found:

• Nipples are not made of erectile tissue like penises and clits are. Rather, they stand on end when the muscle underneath them contracts, usually due to the cold or sexual excitement.
• Some women can come from just having their areolas stroked.
• Areolas are erotic zones and charged with nerve endings, just like the nipples.
• Nipples and areolas are considered the 2nd-strongest erogenous zone, after the obvious ones (genitals).
• One study placed the percentage of women who have had breast orgasms at 29%.

So while there is no sure-fire way to make a woman come from touching her breasts, it's still worth it to spend some time exploring her areolas and nipples and seeing what she likes. And, if it's a turn-on for some women, I'd say it's a safe bet that it's a turn-on for some men, too.

Different Types of Orgasm

Ah, the elusive female orgasm. From the Greek word orgasmos, derived from the same word as the English organ, meaning for an organ to swell with lust. We all want one (or want our partner to experience one).

Magazines, books, and movies spend so much time discussing how and when and where to achieve these wonderful orgasms women are capable of. But how many kinds of female orgasms are there? The literature I've read about female orgasms all agrees that women can have more than one kind of orgasm, but they don't agree about how many are possible.

So, how many are possible?

• Three Orgasms: this theory seems to be the main one out there; it is the one that comes up most on Google searches and seems to be pretty popular in books such as Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot. According to this theory, women can have three types of orgasms: clitoral, vaginal/g-spot, and blended (both at the same time). My problem with this theory is that it leaves out a cervical orgasm, which I have experienced and read about other women on the net experiencing, and it is quite different from a G-spot one.


• Four Orgasms: This theory of orgasms classifies them by where they occur on your body: clitoral, g-spot, vaginal, and anal. I like this theory because it doesn't lump g-spot and vaginal together, since they can be different.


• Seven Orgasms: Author Betty Dodson has a theory that there are seven types of orgasms, based on the manner of achieving them. The seven orgasm types are: pressure, tension, relaxation, g-spot, multiple, combination, and fantasy. So if you press your legs together, that's pressure, and if you fantasize your way to orgasm with no physical contact, that's fantasy. The thing I don't like about this one is it gets so broad. Is "multiple" just another name for "tension + g-spot"? What about women who have orgasms from having their nipples and breasts touched?

I'm not sure which theory is right, but my guess is there is no right or wrong number of orgasms. Some women may only have one kind, or prefer the same kind of orgasm every time. Others may have three ways, or four, or seven, or ten. I think it's wrong for some female author who's only experienced three kinds of orgasms to write a book telling the rest of us we're wrong when we claim to have experienced four.

Re-review of the Hummingbird

I've changed my mind.
The Hummingbird from Babeland Toys is actually a pretty great little toy!
See, I am nothing if not loyal. And with my vibrator, I may be a little too loyal. I try other vibes out so I can do reviews, but for "me time," all I ever use is my trusty Wild G Rabbit. That thing is like my second lover. End of a BDSM scene? Get the Rabbit G. End of sex? Finish me off with the Rabbit G. Want an orgasm but too tired to have sex? Have my husband use the Rabbit G. Stressed out and want to relax? Get out the Rabbit G.

I love my rabbit vibrator so much that I broke it once and spent the ridiculous $65 to buy another one and have it shipped to us before our honeymoon... because, folks, it's worth it. I'm not the kind of woman to spend more than $25 on a pair of jeans, but for my all-time favorite, super-duper best friend the Rabbit G, I'll fork over the money!

But I think I started to overuse it. We had sex like 5 times in 48 hours, and each time after he finished, we used the rabbit on me. At first, it was phenomenal. The second time, it was okay. The third... well, it took me so long to come it started to get annoying instead of sexy. By the fourth time, I was whimpering a little bit in protest when my habit-forming husband did what we always do after sex: got out the Rabbit G. The fifth time, I lay in bed exhausted, kissed him on the forehead, and encouraged him to go off to class without worrying about me.

But I still wanted that orgasm.

Obviously, my friend the rabbit had been overused in too short a time and my clit was no longer interested in his attentions. I wondered if any of my other vibes---the ones I tried a few times for a review and then discarded unceremoniously because they didn't match up to my rabbit---would work.

After my Dom had left for class, I spent some time in bed, peering into our Sex Toy Drawer and wondering which one of the sex toys within should be brought out, dusted off, washed, and used. Honestly, I wasn't holding out much hope. But it was worth a shot.

I finally decided I wanted to use this one, a neat little toy that had been my favorite before I discovered the Rabbit G. I looked, but I couldn't find the darn thing! I finally vaguely remembered that it had broken and I had thrown it away since I didn't use it that much anyway, ever since the Rabbit G moved in.

Too bad.
With a sigh, I got out this and this. I figured they would be close to the intense clit stimulation I would need and had gotten used to with the Rabbit G. I remembered having 1 (one!!!) good orgasm with the Hummingbird that I had never, after much trying, been able to re-create. I also remembered that when I bought it from Babeland, I'd been really excited to try it out because it had this yummy-looking clit cradle that I now thought might give me some good all-around vulva stimulation. Just in case that didn't work, I kept out the barely-used Aqua Wand to see if maybe its clitoral stimulating abilities would be better than my first try.

Wow.

Wow!

It took me a while to get the Hummingbird to a place where I was as turned on as I used to get with my trust old rabbit, but once I was there.... wow.

I kept changing the position, feeling the hollowed-out end cradling my clit, then my right labia, then my lips and my clit, then my other labia. I felt my insides swell out and push out that hot, clear liquid that my husband loves so much. (Take that, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot! It is possible to ejaculate just from stimulation on your clit!) Then, I had that wonderful feeling when you know you're going to orgasm. And finally, I did.

Once I was all cleaned up and still glowing from the bask of a new, stronger orgasm than I'd ever had with this old vibrator, I wrote my husband a blog that went something like this:

My clit and pussy and uterus are trembling from the resounding tingle
leftover in my veins from when the little gray vibrator brought me to new
heights and beyond.

So, this is the lesson I learned today: no matter how wonderful and fulfilling and great your one favorite vibe may feel, sometimes it is important to give Old Faithful a rest and try something new, even if it's something you didn't like all that much before. It's very possible for your body to dislike something and a few months or years later, find it terribly orgasmic. Change is good. Change is sexy. Change is the key.


Welcome back, Hummingbird!


Follow the links...
To read my original review of the Hummingbird
To read my original review of the Aqua Wand
To read my original review of the Orchid G
To read my original review of the Wild G Rabbit
To read my original review of Female Ejaculation and the G-spot by Deborah Sundahl
To go to Babeland Toys online store, which sells the Hummingbird, Aqua Wand, and Orchid G
To go to The Adult Toy Shoppe, which sells the Wild Rabbit G

Come On Command

A new fetish I've been learning about is called Come on Command, sometimes seen shortened to CoC.

This is one of thos fetishes that sounds just delightful to everyone who hears it. After all, orgasms are good = more orgasms are better. Who doesn't want to be able to come on command?


Basically, ths fetish takes a lot of training to do. It's hard work, both for the Dom and the sub, but many people find it worthwhile! (wink, wink). Come on command works just the way it sounds: the Dom conditions the sub to orgasm based on a specific verbal command.


Anyone who's trained dogs or children can tell you that conditioning is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. (Think Pavlov's dogs.) Especially since orgasms are so physical, it can be difficult to train a sub's brain so that they become completely psychological, but it's possible!

If you want to train your sub to Come on Command, be prepared to be patient, persistent, and consistent. Your task is to make your sub associate orgasming so strongly with a certain command you give him, that eventually the command alone will suffice to come.

Interested? Here's how:

1. First, decide upon your "cue." It needs to be the same word, delivered in the same tone and volume every time. You must be consistent!
2. Deny your sub orgasms for a while. Some tops spend weeks or months teasing and tormenting their subs, bringing them to the brink of orgasms every time, but never letting them fulfill it.
3. Allow your sub to orgasm, but only after you've delivered your "cue".
4. Keep the pattern of denial, completed by orgasming upon command, going.
5. Eventually, stop pleasuring your sub right before orgasm and utter the command. If he orgasms, give lots of positive praise. If he doesn't, utter the command and physically bring him to orgasm again to continue the training.
6. Repeat #s 3-5 as needed.

What are some of the pros of CoC? Obviously, it's hot. Many men and women are fascinated by the idea of being able to orgasm (or make someone orgasm) simply by a verbal command or physical cue (such as a face slap). And it's a delicious and powerful form of control for the top.

What are some of the cons of CoC? People tend to assumethere are no cons to something that sounds so cool as orgasm by command, but there are. First, it may not be possible for everyone, and it very difficult to train a sub to do. It takes lots of time, patience, consistency, and dedication. If you and your spouse get frustrated by the initial failures it could cause problems and unhappiness in your relationship. Also, it can be a dangerous kind of power. Because a sub is trained to orgasm at a certain word, tone, and facial expression from his Domme, he can lose the ability to come any other way--without the cue, on his own, or with someone else. Should the relationship end, the sub who is trained to orgasm with one Domme may find it impossible to come alone or with a new Domme.

Addicted to Vibes?

Here's something about vibrators that the sex stores won't tell you.

Sure, vibes are great, and they come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and intensities, so it never hurts to have a few (although I only use my favorite one or two). But overusing them can make your body rely too much on a vibe. Read: you can't orgasm without one anymore.

As much as I love my little purple rabbit vibe from AdultToyShoppe, it can't come close to giving me the pleasure, emotions, and orgasms like my loving human mate. Plus, once you use a vibrator that much, the orgasms become less intense and, well, less enjoyable. Your body gets used to that same ol' feeling, and it becomes to feel "old hat."

Well, I was having trouble orgasming with my partner at all, so we'd become more and more reliant on the rabbit vibe, or its pink counterpart from France, to finish me off. Eventually, I found I could only come with the vibe. Why? A human finger or tongue just can't vibrate like a battery-operated machine.

I scoured the web and found this is actually pretty common. So a word of warning: enjoy your vibes, but don't let them become a staple. It's the fine print those sex toy stores don't let you know. Sure, a vibe is great for some help or for a lonely night, but don't let it replace a human touch. Because that, after all, is what making love is all about.

For more information on this topic, read:

An Open Letter to All Women: Lay of the Vibes! by David Wygant

Vibrators: Too Much of a Good Thing? by Amber Madison

The Art of Fingering a Woman

Warning: these pictures are not work-safe!



By the time you're an adult, chances are you've fingered a woman. Chances are you've even made one come by fingering. But unless you're consistently making her come with your fingering skills (I mean every time!), you still have some things to learn. Regular orgasms are just as natural to women as to men; getting there just isn't as obvious. And the sad truth is, anybody can make a girl come every once in a while; random rubbing around a sensitive area will do that. Unless she is coming about 98% of the time (I wish!), this article is for you.



William Martin's Hand Jobs for Women gave me some great ideas for this article, and will give you some helpful pointers from a man's point of view, so check out his article, too!

I don't want to be mean, but let's start with a reality check. Most guys seems to feel quite okay with themselves if they can get the woman to come at all. Never mind that they aren't even giving her an orgasm 50% of the time. Society has lied to you, telling you that women don't always come and you are not expected to deliver orgasms. But vibrators have proved society wrong. If women can come 100% of the time with their vibrators (and we can!), then they can come 100% of the time with their partners. Of course you should allow for the same issues that plague men: stress, fatigue, not feeling close to your partner, and illness can make for a no-show orgasm day, but if your lady isn't orgasming about 98% of the time, you've got a lot of work to do. She may not even know she can orgasm that much, but she can. She may tell you she doesn't mind if she doesn't come, and she enjoys it anyway (and this is true), but the truth is, we would prefer if you could give us orgasms consistently. Women have been on the losing end of orgasms for too long, and it is time to fix that. A good rule of thumb is: if she doesn't come, you don't come. That will motivate you to really pleasure your lady. :)


So the sad news is, guys, if you are giving her orgasms occasionally, but without any discernible pattern or regularity... you haven't figured out how to please her yet.


And I can attest personally that, if I go too long without being given an orgasm, I get resentful....grouchy....irritable...and then lose interest in sex. No one wins.


So how do you finger a woman? First, you stop concentrating on the clit and the G-spot so much. These get boring and overly sensitive. You might also want to see my posts, "The Art of Seducing a Woman" and "Giving a Woman an Orgasm...Without Touching Her." They will show you how to turn on a woman the way a woman wants to be turned on, and make your job much easier before you get to the actual fingering.



Of course, your fingernails should be trimmed down short, all rough edges filed away, and your nails and hands should be just-washed with hot, soapy water for 60 seconds! Any hangnails or rough edges should be gone. You don't want to scratch her or let invisible dirt beneath your nails inside her; I've gotten an ovarian cyst that way and it was unimaginably painful. Wash and trim your hands before you ever put your fingers inside your lady!

To begin fingering, start with the mons pubis. This is often called the "Mound," and is the skin at the bottom of her stomach, right before the clitoral hood and vulva are visible. Most men don't realize this, but the mons pubis is one of the most pleasurable places to be touched. Being stroked, massaged, and simply held there will turn me on much better than by trying to tease my thighs and clit, which rather bores me.





Try massaging slowly down, from the top of her pubic hair to the bottom. Then try stroking the area, rubbing her with your fingers, and massaging the skin. Try rubbing at different speeds and intensities to see how she responds. If you get no response, or a slight puckering of the face/frown between the eyebrows, she's getting bored. If she inhales quickly and arches her back, keep doing that again. Once she relaxes, you've done it too much and the area is no longer sensitive: move on to something else, but come back in a few moments to try it again.

Another great trick is to just press your palm firmly into her. Cupping your hand, cup her vulva and mons pubis in your hand. This pressure feels fantastic, and you don't need to do anything; we will probably start to rock against you if it feels good! Once the rocking gets really turned on, you might want to start pushing slightly against her thrusts, meeting her as she thrusts, for some extra sensation for her, but more sensitive ladies will just prefer you cup them firmly without moving.

My favorite place to have my clit stimulated is actually through the mons pubis. It feels wonderful there, right before your fingers leave my mound and touch the clitoral hood! But sadly, this doesn't occur to men. They want to stroke the clit or hood. However, by stroking the lowest, fattiest part of her mound, rolling it between your fingers, and pinching it softly, you are stimulating her clitoris indirectly, and it feels heavenly. You could probably keep doing this to me all day without me ever getting bored.



How do you know when to move on from the mons pubis? When your lady is arching her back in frustration, obviously trying to maneuver her body so your fingers touch her clitoral hood. Once she's done this for a few minutes, you know it's time to move on.



Stroking her clitoral hood will bring many woman to orgasm. You can try circular motions, shaking, vibrating, lightly pinching, and rolling the skin between your fingers. Just keep trying new things and see what she likes. Once again, pay attention to her body language. We're never mean enough to say, "I don't like that, you're boring me," but we can't help our body language. A woman who is biting her lip may be turned on, but she may also be frustrated and getting bored. If the lip-biting is accompanied by a pursued mouth, scrunched forehead, or frown, she's frustrated; this means you either aren't pleasing her yet, or you just did something that felt fantastic and then moved on too quickly. If she seems to be concentrating or frowning, she is getting less turned on, and you should ask her what feels good or ask her to show you. If she doesn't get too embarrassed, have her show you herself what feels good (but I find this too embarrassing and don't like it, so don't force them!).



Below the clitoral hood are the labia majora and labia minora. Her outer lips will be sensitive to stroking, massaging, light pinching, and rolling between your fingers. Her inner lips will become more erect as she gets turned on, and slightly moist as she gets wet. Try stroking them, first up-to-down, and then later try down-to-up, but never both together or you just get repetitive. Try rolling the inner lips between your fingers or tugging on them lightly. And possible the most sexy thing you can do is take your fingers and spread them apart. This is the universal signal for "I'm about to enter you" and it will excite your lover immensely!! If she loves it, gently place her lips back in place and do it again...and again... and again. Eventually she will be thrusting against you in impatience, longing to feel you inside her.



You can try spreading her lips apart with your thumb and middle finger, then slowly inserting your index finger. Or try holding her lips apart with one hand while you slowly insert a finger of the other hand. Few things feel more vulnerable and sexy than having your lips held open as someone enters you, whether it is with a finger, toy, mouth, or cock. Remember this move and do it often!



If you want to go inside her vagina, do it slowly. You can tell she's ready when she is thrusting against you. Make her go slowly; gently press one palm flat against her stomach so she quits thrusting as you enter her slowly. It is best not to plunge straight in, but enter gradually; slowly trace circles around her vaginal opening, eventually slipping the circles gently inside her. This is an incredibly sensitive area, and having a finger tracing gentle circles just inside your vagina feels fantastic. Don't rush inside to the G-spot, enjoy the sensations you're giving her right here, at the opening and just inside the vagina!



Reading her body language and thrusting to gauge when she wants you to enter further, slowly inch inside her, feeling her every inch of the way. The entire vaginal wall in the first several inches is filled with nerve endings and will feel pleasure from being touched, stroked, rubbed, and vibrated. If you feel her G-spot, rub it softly and see how she responds.



Websites will tell you the back 1/3 of the vagina has barely any nerve endings, and this is true, but that doesn't mean you should ignore it! The first 2/3 is more sensitive to touch; the back 1/3 is more sensitive to pressure! Press firmly and stroke her walls; see how she responds. I love to have firm, strong strokes and lots of pressure inside me. If your fingers are long enough to touch her cervix, try feeling it and thrusting against it. If they're not, use a toy or put her on her back with her knees held to her chest to shorten the vaginal canal. Many women aren't even aware this type of orgasm exists, but women can have a very strong, emotional uterine orgasm from having their vagina, cervix, and uterus (indirectly through the cervix) forcefully thrusted against.

When you are ready to go out, slide out slowly; the feeling around the inner vaginal entrance is sublime as things slip in and out. Try this several times, hitting her with your knuckles, if she likes it.

If she likes finger fucking or pain, once she is hot and ready is the time to start screwing her hard with your hand. It will probably hurt, both from your finger jamming into her vaginal wall and from your knuckles and fist slamming into her vulva; she will be bruised later. But if she is into this kind of BDSM, she may really like it: she either gets off from the pain, or gets off on being punished or used by you! The idea that my Dom wants to hurt me and be cruel to me is very exciting and sexy!



Moving on down, once you are done with the lips and vagina, you are left with the perineum. This muscley area between the vulva and anus is actually sensitive to touch, stroking, and firm pressure just like a man's is. Try pressing a finger or bent knuckle firmly into her skin, or try giving her perineum pressure with one finger or hand as you stimulate her vagina with the other.



Hopefully you realize that fingering is more than just turning her on and stimulating her clit and G-spot. Many men don't. Think of fingering her vulva as going to a buffet---you have an endless and varied list of delicacies to try, so don't just pick two and stick with it. A woman's vulva is a unique, interconnected mass of nerve endings and pleasure, much more complex than a man's penis, so it is okay to feel confused. Just experiment with different strokes, pressures, and touches, and if something works, remember it for next time but don't stay on any one thing for too long. Before long, you will be an orgasm-giving machine!

Good luck.

Giving a Woman an Orgasm... Without Touching Her

One of the great arts of being a man in a relationship with a woman is being able to bring her to orgasm without touching her. Women are amazing, delicate creatures who can be brought to orgasm again and again with little or no touching. If you can master this technique--and not just once but again and again--you will be a true lover's artist.

A great place to start is the nipples. Most women will get aroused from having their nipples touched. If they don't, you are probably doing it incorrectly--too hard, too fast, not enough variation, too much sucking, not enough subtlety, too boring. Men sometimes want to treat breasts and vulvas as though they were a penis, and this never works.

Some women, if you massage their nipples correctly, can orgasm and ejaculate simply from having their nipples touched! Sadly, it's been over a year since anyone has been able to do that to me.... :( but it's possible. The trick is to work slowly and gently, using circular motions with your thumbs. You want to use your hands more than your mouth, and your thumbs more than your fingers. But of course, you want to use a little bit of all three to change it up.

My advice is to slowly and tenderly turn her on by stroking her breasts and teasing the nipples. When you get her really turned on, arching her back for you to touch her nipples, start lightly brushing past them, almost by accident. She will start moaning and arching her back more. Eventually, you can slowly start working her nipples. I've found it best to use thumbs in a circular motion, with some light sucking, pinching, and rolling between your fingers every once in a while--but only for a brief second before you return to circles (one lick or suck, then go back to thumbs!).

Nipples will eventually get sore, so about every 5 minutes, switch breasts. This keeps the breasts highly sensitive to your touch; she will be longing for you to touch the other long before you actually do. Eventually, the sensations in her nipples will make her clit tight. You are on the right path!

A woman who's enjoying the sensuality of a wonderful nipple massage will be relaxed, almost fluid, and completely calm, lost in the sensations you're giving her. A woman who is trying to enjoy it, but you are doing too much or too little, will show signs of losing her dazed relaxation: she may frown a tiny frown, twitch or flutter slightly, purse her lips, scrunch her face, bite her lip, sigh slightly, or try to maneuver her breasts under you for better access. These are not the signs of a turned on woman, but one who is trying to get lost in the wonderful, dazed relaxation of a nipple massage but is being brought back to reality by nagging gaps in technique.

So watch her, and be aware of her reaction. When you have a woman who is lying, sublime and relaxed on her back, eyes closed, deep, even breathing, looking peacefully asleep and slightly dreamlike, you are doing the right thing.

If your woman is where you want her, congratulations. Even seeming half-asleep and dreamy, she is still aware of you and your reactions. You are playing an important part in turning her on! Make sure that you match her dreamy state: move slowly and fluidly, with no sudden, jerky movements. Keep your breathing deep and slow; this will relax her even more. Touch her lightly and softly. Don't talk much or make many noises; when you do talk, it should be low and seductive, speaking to her in a calm, soothing voice. Take this time to enjoy your spouse, keeping your breathing deep and even so she can hear it, enjoying her relaxed body being sensuously aroused beneath your loving hands.

Keep gently massaging her nipples. Eventually, try massaging both at the same time, or suckling one while massaging the other. The key here is suckling, not sucking. Suckling means you are making tiny breastfeeding motions with your tongue and mouth, like a baby. It is faster, lighter, and more rthymic than your average grown male sucking on nipples, which actually doesn't feel that great. Fast and light does the trick!

Eventually, if you do this right and give her small two-second breaks to kiss her stomach, cup her breasts, or roll her nipples gently between your thumb and forefinger, you will get her clit really tight. If you go long enough, she can orgasm and ejaculate multiple times as you keep teasing her body into ecstasy. The trick is to give her no clitoral or vaginal stimulation at all; nipple teasing is so light and slow that touching her with your hand or pushing your leg up into her vulva will be too firm and ruin all your hard, slow work.

If she can't orgasm from nipples alone, you have at least spent a good hour or two making her clit aching and tight. Now you can put your hand between her legs and skim above her vaginal opening and clit. Don't actually touch her. You want to make her think you are going to stroke her, and stroke an imaginary line about a quarter of a centimeter away from her body. Her sensitive vulva will be able to feel the heat and air from your finger. Keep slowly "stroking" her without touching her, making long, straight, slow lines upwards from the base of the vaginal opening to the top of the clit. Don't stroke both ways, or you will give her too much sensation; stick with bottom-to-top stroking. If she comes, great!

Your next step is to give her a short break. You want this to be between 2 and 4 seconds, but not longer. This lets the anticipation build, without waiting too long and killing the mood. Take your hand out of her underwear, then slowly start the whole process again. You will be able to tell if you're turning her on. Start the imaginary strokes again. Do 1-4, depending on whether or not she's coming and how much she likes it, and then remove your hand to give her a short break.

For me, the most sexy part that gets me closest to coming is the anticpation of the hand going inside my underwear and passing my mons pubis. So if this doesn't make me come, it is best to stick to one imaginary stroke, then back up and try again. Once you make me come, you can do 3 or four strokes to let me enjoy it before going back up and entering again. But often, for me, the action that gets me closest to coming is when I know my lover is about to reach his hand down my legs, not the actual rubbing of my clit or G-spot. It is the anticipation that works, not the fulfillment, so keep reaching down between her legs again and again, slow and steady, until she is fully aroused and aching.

If you do not bring her to orgasm without touch the first time, you will have still spent a very pleasurable few hours bonding... so this is always time well spent. And if you do, and can learn to repeat this strategy effectively, you will be her own personal hero, a king bearing gifts of relaxation and love, a lover slowly teasing her to the brink of orgasm.

And that can never be a bad thing.

Orgasms Are Good for Your Health!

Yeeee-haw!

A study released earlier this year has found that sexual arousal and orgasm are not only fun, but are good for your health! This is one more reason to reproachfully chide a hubby who's not pleasing you: he doesn't want you to get breast cancer and die, does he? :(

In fact, getting turned on, sexual activity, and having orgasms are good for both men and women! The original article from The Los Angeles Times says when you get turned on or have the Big O, your body releases lots of fun chemicals that are good for your health. Frequent sex (and I don't mean just vaginal intercourse; I mean all sex!) pumps your body full of health-friendly hormones and chemicals that can decrease heart disease, lower risk of breast cancer, flush out carginogens and toxins, clear out arteries, and help you live longer.

For men, it also reduces your risk of prostrate cancer.

For women, it increases your tolerance for pain (enter fun BDSM activities here!). In fact, your pain tolerance goes up during arousal, and actually doubles during an orgasm. While this makes for endless fun with BDSM experimentation, it also has more practical applications: think migraines, cramps, headaches, and sore muscles.

And please remember: health benefits are available from being turned on and sexually active, not just from having an orgasm. Orgasms are not the sole purpose of sex, and both men and women can enjoy sex for its bonding and feel-good qualities without getting off.

Finally, an article telling us sex is good for our health. Just one more reason why sexual activity in a committed, monogamous, loving marriage is a God-given gift. So next time, skip the gym and hop in bed...