Temporary Equality

For those of you not in 24/7 D/s relationships, how do you decide when and how to enter into the D/s aspect?

I've heard of methods people use to get into "the mode" of power exchange. For example:

Have you tried any of these? What about those of you in long-distance D/s or in D/s relationships with children or family around often so you have to appear more the norm when around them? How do you maintain the power exchange all the time, or do you go back and forth between D/s and "normal"?

With a baby and being so near our families, it's harder to maintain a power exchange relationship. We don't have time to spend doing things like spankings or kinky sex. He doesn't seem to have the time or energy to micro-manage me or even to boss me around. Therefore, we've settled into more of a 60/40 relationship than a 90/10 or 100/0 like we were working toward several months ago.

Then, of course, when he wants to suddenly pull out the "I'm in charge" card, I promptly pull out the "No way, Jose!" card. My theory is--and has always been--that men can't be in charge just when they feel like it. It's a responsibility he takes all the time or else we are more or less equal; I can't handle the emotional hurt or mental confusion of not knowing if, when, and how our relationship works, what is expected of me, what I can expect from him, what constitutes bad behavior, and what consequences will be for said bad behavior.

I'm not unhappy. It's just different from before.

I assume it's temporary, until we have more time and energy to put into D/s again. Therefore, I'm not really worried about it. I see it as yet another phase for us to go through.

That's what marriage is.

Collars Sexual

Do collars have to be sexual?

They've certainly been fetish-ized in our culture. What little the mainstream U.S. knows about BDSM is all wrapped up in highly unrealistic depictions of Domme women wearing black leather and spandex and a studded black leather collar. They've become sexual.

I wore a cute red fabric... accessory... the other day.

My Dom didn't like it. "It looks like a collar," he said. "They just seem sexual to me now, after knowing about BDSM."

I scoffed a little. "It's not a collar," I said. "It's like a choker."

People throughout the day commented on it. "It's cute!" "Is that a headband around your neck?" "Are you wearing a collar?" "No, it's a choker." "It's a necklace that looks like one of those headbands."

I simply answered with a smile, "No, it isn't a collar. I'm not a dog." The comments amused me, but didn't really bother me at all. I should have also pointed out that my accessory had no buckle or snap or any sort of collar-like snaps.

My Dom and I don't do collars in our everyday lives. Sure, we've incorporated one into our play sessions in the past, but it's not a big part of our dynamic and it's certainly not a staple of our relationship. I have never been collared or, for that matter, worn a collar out in public. (My guess is he thinks my wedding ring is good enough! lol)

So I didn't feel weird or strange or sexual wearing my accessory. To me, it was just a fun piece of jewelry to add to my normal look. It didn't mean anything about my Dom or our relationship; it wasn't related to that at all.

I still think it was funny how many people thought it was a collar, though.

Thanks for that, mainstream tv.

Changes but still good

We're dealing with more life changes. New job, car broken down, another car wrecked, and still dealing with postpartum period and anxiety related to that. Whew!

With all this going on, I don't have much time to blog. We don't have much time to have D/s or BDSM time, either.

Things are going well, though. We both pull our weight, so there is little D/s needed. Although it makes me less happy than having him be in charge, we just share the weight and the burden of our lives and it works well. I work, he works, we take care of the baby, we get dinner made, we clean, we cook, we repeat the process. I'll say that he does pick up more of the slack around the house, cooking and cleaning and doing dishes, so that I can spend our evenings with the baby, holding her or feeding her or generally spending time with her. He says it's even, one of us caring for the baby and the other taking care of the house. He doesn't mind taking care of the house so that, as he says, I can take better care of our baby. I feel grateful to have a man willing to do that.

This winter is promising to be unseasonably warm. THANK GOODNESS. I hated last winter--- cold, cold, and miserable. I've enjoyed the strangely spring-like weather. The few days of cold and rain we've had have been bearable because they rarely last more than a few days. I'm just excited for May to get here and spring to be here in earnest.

I hope all my blogger buddies out there are still writing and enjoying their lives. (*sends a friendly wave out into blogger-land*). Hope to talk to you soon!