I've been reading about sadism.
BDSM is one of those really cool areas of life where there is no "right" way to do it. It's like art: everyone can do it a different way, totally way out there, but everyone can still be right. Some BDSMers are into Christian Domestic Discipline, some are into paganism, some are into pain, emotional mindfucks, getting spanked or paddled, wearing slutty leather with heels, dressing up like a baby, pretending to be a puppy or horse, training a slave, having a servant, getting an orgasm, or being god of a little universe. Some people use the Gorean novels, some use the Bible, some use slave contracts, some use rules, and they all end in vastly different lifestyles and types of kink, but they are all kink.
One that's intriguing me now is the brand of kinkiness that we call "sadism."
Technically, a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting pain. Maybe they like it for the power trip, or the emotional catharsis, or the adoration, or the sex. Who knows? I'd venture a guess that it's different for everyone.
Just because a sadist finds a masochist doesn't mean they'll live happily ever after. What is the sadist is only interested in making the masochist bleed, but the masochist wants to have her pussy whipped, his bottom spanked, or his mouth gagged? What if the masochist wants to be physically hurt and the sadist wants to mess with a mind and make the masochist cry and scream from emotional pain? There are many brands of sadism.
I discovered a new one of my husband's. He hurt me during sex, really physically hurt me, and he liked it.
Did I like it? Yes and no.
No because it hurt. It really, really hurt me, and not in a good, sexy/pain kind of way, but just in a bad, pain/pain kind of way. I had to grit my teeth and moan. It was not fun. But yes because I liked him having the power to hurt me and the dirty, nasty desire to do so. Yes because afterward I felt bruised, sort, but also enjoyed, weak, and needy. I curled up on his shoulder and went right to sleep.
Since then, sadism has been running through my mind.
The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Showing posts with label Sadomasochism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sadomasochism. Show all posts
2/28/2010
12/06/2008
11/18/2008
Identity Crisis Solved: All those darn BDSM terms!
When entering the BDSM scene, it is easy to feel confused and lost. BDSM makes you really think about your wants, desires, and how you want them fulfilled. There are a host of terms used by BDSMers, and they aren't interchangable! People may wonder, "Am I a top? Switch? Sadist? Master? Daddy? How do I know?!?!?" A full-blown BDSM identity crisis may ensue. Fear not, we have the answers! :)
First off, BDSM is an acronym for many things: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Slave and Master, and Sadism and Masochism. It is possible to be interested in one or many of these roles!
A sadist is, very simply, one who enjoys inflicting pain. What keeps a BDSM sadist from being a common criminal sociopath is that BDSM sadists only enjoy it if their partners are willing. A masochist is just the opposite: someone who enjoys receiving pain for sexual pleasure. Of course, for both these people, context is important: it is sexy to spank your partner during role play, but it's not sexy to jam your finger in the door accidentally. A sadist and masochist won't enjoy this type of pain.
The people who enjoy both receiving and causing pain, depending on the circumstance, are called sadomasochists.
A top is related. This person is the person delivering the blows or "on top" during a scene. A bottom is the person taking the blows or "on bottom." While usually a sadist will enjoy being on top more and a masochist on bottom, anyway can fill any role. For example, a husband who isn't really interested in whipping his wife can still do it to please her. In this case, he are a top but not a sadist. Also, the terms top/bottom have nothing to do with a relationship or who has the control; you could be perfect strangers.
Once you begin to be in some sort of relationship, you get the terms submissive/dominant and slave/master.
A submissive is a person who finds sexual pleasure out of being dominated and put in a submissive position. Often, this person may be completely dominating in real life. It doesn't mean you are a wimp or a wuss if you like to be the sub! In fact, most people--both men and women--prefer to be the sub. And subs can vary on why and how they like to be dominated: some may like just being physically overpowered, while others may want to be psychologically dominated (through humiliation, namecalling, or roleplaying). Some people want both at the same time!
Each sub will vary by personality. Some people will submit to your power gladly and never fight you for it. Others will be wildcats, testing you, pushing your limits, and fighting back tooth and nail for control, to see if you can take it. Either way, it can be fun!
A dominate (Dom for males, Domme for females, or Dominatrix for females who do it professionally) is the opposite. This person enjoys being in control. For some it means physically holding you down, for others it means scaring you, for others it means asking nicely and then enjoying it as you serve them loyally. Each Dom has his/her own style and things they prefer. Also, a dom/sub relationship can be as permanent or temporary as you wish: you can agree to be a Dom for 20 minutes, or to have a D/s relationship only in the bedroom, or only on certain occasions, or a little bit in real life as well. It's up to you and your partner! The key is that both partners have to agree.
Once you go to 24/7 power exchange, it is called a Master/slave relationship. A Master is someone who is 100% in charge of the emotional, physical, mental, and sexual wellbeing of his slave. (A female is called a Mistress.) This is a Dom who does it full time! A slave is a sub who submits, not just in the bedroom, but every minute of every day. They are given rules to follow (in their dress, relationships, activities, and sexual lives) that must be obeyed explicitly. In return, they expect 100% love and care from their Master. Often these people find a real intimacy in serving and being served so consistently, and this is fine as long as the relationship does not become idolatrous.
Most of you out there are actually probably Switches. This means you switch with your partner, and can play both Sub and Dom, top and bottom, sadist and masochist. You are the most versatile of all BDSM players, because you can enjoy many roles!
There are also other terms of interest. A Daddy is someone who is a Master, but always in a protective, fatherly way. This person may like to engage in age play with a woman who derives sexual and psychological healing or pleasure from pretending to be a younger adult, teen, child, or baby. Of course, if you prefer to pretend to be an infant, you are called a Baby.
A Boi is a term used either for an effeminate man or a butch woman. So, if your wife sometimes acts tough and manly in the bedroom, you could call her your Boi. Likewise if you are a woman who likes to make your husband dress in women's clothing and pretend to be feminine.
On a personal note, I self-identify as a sub. But realistically, I am a submissive and bottom. On rare occasions I am also a bit of a masochist and a switch, but these are rare enough that I don't integrate them as part of my identity, but rather as sporadic aberrations from it. This is because I love to be dominated in the bedroom, physically but especially psychologically and emotionally (sub). I enjoy being on the receiving end of all our activities (bottom). I put up with pain because my Dom enjoys it, but it is only on occasion that I actually enjoy it for its own sake (biting, slapping), which makes me a tiny little bit of a masochist but not much. And on rare, rare occasions, I like to give my dom a taste of his own medicine by taking control and teasing him (switch). But mostly, I am a sub.
In contrast, my dom is a Dominate, sadist, and top. He is not a switch, definitely, and never really likes to be submissive. He is a true sadist, who gets off on seeing me squirm when he hurts me a little. He is also very dominating, getting off on power by controlling me physically and mentally (this is the point of "training"). So far, he has never been a Master or a Daddy to me, but there is always next time. :)
Hope this helps! Play safe and remember, research new moves before you try them out on someone else!
First off, BDSM is an acronym for many things: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Slave and Master, and Sadism and Masochism. It is possible to be interested in one or many of these roles!
A sadist is, very simply, one who enjoys inflicting pain. What keeps a BDSM sadist from being a common criminal sociopath is that BDSM sadists only enjoy it if their partners are willing. A masochist is just the opposite: someone who enjoys receiving pain for sexual pleasure. Of course, for both these people, context is important: it is sexy to spank your partner during role play, but it's not sexy to jam your finger in the door accidentally. A sadist and masochist won't enjoy this type of pain.
The people who enjoy both receiving and causing pain, depending on the circumstance, are called sadomasochists.
A top is related. This person is the person delivering the blows or "on top" during a scene. A bottom is the person taking the blows or "on bottom." While usually a sadist will enjoy being on top more and a masochist on bottom, anyway can fill any role. For example, a husband who isn't really interested in whipping his wife can still do it to please her. In this case, he are a top but not a sadist. Also, the terms top/bottom have nothing to do with a relationship or who has the control; you could be perfect strangers.
Once you begin to be in some sort of relationship, you get the terms submissive/dominant and slave/master.
A submissive is a person who finds sexual pleasure out of being dominated and put in a submissive position. Often, this person may be completely dominating in real life. It doesn't mean you are a wimp or a wuss if you like to be the sub! In fact, most people--both men and women--prefer to be the sub. And subs can vary on why and how they like to be dominated: some may like just being physically overpowered, while others may want to be psychologically dominated (through humiliation, namecalling, or roleplaying). Some people want both at the same time!
Each sub will vary by personality. Some people will submit to your power gladly and never fight you for it. Others will be wildcats, testing you, pushing your limits, and fighting back tooth and nail for control, to see if you can take it. Either way, it can be fun!
A dominate (Dom for males, Domme for females, or Dominatrix for females who do it professionally) is the opposite. This person enjoys being in control. For some it means physically holding you down, for others it means scaring you, for others it means asking nicely and then enjoying it as you serve them loyally. Each Dom has his/her own style and things they prefer. Also, a dom/sub relationship can be as permanent or temporary as you wish: you can agree to be a Dom for 20 minutes, or to have a D/s relationship only in the bedroom, or only on certain occasions, or a little bit in real life as well. It's up to you and your partner! The key is that both partners have to agree.
Once you go to 24/7 power exchange, it is called a Master/slave relationship. A Master is someone who is 100% in charge of the emotional, physical, mental, and sexual wellbeing of his slave. (A female is called a Mistress.) This is a Dom who does it full time! A slave is a sub who submits, not just in the bedroom, but every minute of every day. They are given rules to follow (in their dress, relationships, activities, and sexual lives) that must be obeyed explicitly. In return, they expect 100% love and care from their Master. Often these people find a real intimacy in serving and being served so consistently, and this is fine as long as the relationship does not become idolatrous.
Most of you out there are actually probably Switches. This means you switch with your partner, and can play both Sub and Dom, top and bottom, sadist and masochist. You are the most versatile of all BDSM players, because you can enjoy many roles!
There are also other terms of interest. A Daddy is someone who is a Master, but always in a protective, fatherly way. This person may like to engage in age play with a woman who derives sexual and psychological healing or pleasure from pretending to be a younger adult, teen, child, or baby. Of course, if you prefer to pretend to be an infant, you are called a Baby.
A Boi is a term used either for an effeminate man or a butch woman. So, if your wife sometimes acts tough and manly in the bedroom, you could call her your Boi. Likewise if you are a woman who likes to make your husband dress in women's clothing and pretend to be feminine.
On a personal note, I self-identify as a sub. But realistically, I am a submissive and bottom. On rare occasions I am also a bit of a masochist and a switch, but these are rare enough that I don't integrate them as part of my identity, but rather as sporadic aberrations from it. This is because I love to be dominated in the bedroom, physically but especially psychologically and emotionally (sub). I enjoy being on the receiving end of all our activities (bottom). I put up with pain because my Dom enjoys it, but it is only on occasion that I actually enjoy it for its own sake (biting, slapping), which makes me a tiny little bit of a masochist but not much. And on rare, rare occasions, I like to give my dom a taste of his own medicine by taking control and teasing him (switch). But mostly, I am a sub.
In contrast, my dom is a Dominate, sadist, and top. He is not a switch, definitely, and never really likes to be submissive. He is a true sadist, who gets off on seeing me squirm when he hurts me a little. He is also very dominating, getting off on power by controlling me physically and mentally (this is the point of "training"). So far, he has never been a Master or a Daddy to me, but there is always next time. :)
Hope this helps! Play safe and remember, research new moves before you try them out on someone else!
11/08/2008
Links for the Beginning Sadomasochist
So for those of you interested in learning more about BDSM, we hope this blog will be of use to you. It will certainly be of use to us! We are excited to journal our sexual escapades and hope you will feel free to message or email us any questions you have about BDSM, sex ideas, sex toys, relationship issues, marriage, divorce, Christianity, faith, you name it; they all connect with how we humans relate in the bedroom!
Before we start blogging, we will give you beginners out there a crash course in common terminology used in the BDSM world.
- BDSM: Stands for Bondage/Discipline/Sadism/Masochism. Refers to a sexual lifestyle where physical and emotional pain are used to heighten sexual pleasure. Also called Sadomasochism, Dominance and Submission, B/D, B&D, D/S, D&S, S&M, S/M. This practice is used by people of all races, religions, and sexual orientations, and differs from sexual abuse because all partners are consenting adults.
- Dom: Short for the Dominant, often called the "S" (for sadist), the Top, or the Master. This refers to the person currently playing the role of the Dominant, or Sadist, someone who likes inflicting pain.
- Sub: Short for the Submissive, often called the "M" (for masochist), the Bottom, or the Slave. This person is currently being dominated.
- Bondage: Any means of restraining or tying your Sub, including tying with rope, tape, handcuffs, or your own hands.
- Discipline: Refers to verbal or emotional "abuse" heaped on the Sub by the Dom, resulting in a sexy feeling of being humilated and dominated
- Fetishism: This is finding sexual attraction from culturally non-sexual objects. Common examples of fetishes are shoes, feet, and panties.
- Power Exchange: This is when the Sub willingly gives control (physical, mental, and sexual) to the Dom. It can be for one short scene or last for days or weeks, depending what the partners agree upon.
- Punishment: Physical "abuse" used by the Dom to enforce and maintain control over the Sub
- Roleplaying: A specific type of BDSM behavior including assuming a separate identity for sexual play. Examples could include Policeman/Suspect, Teacher/Student, Nurse/Patient, etc.
- Safeword: A safeword is a password agreed upon by both partners beforehand that will stop all play immediately. It is imperative that both the Sub and the Dom stop sexual activity as soon as the safeword is spoken. Safewords allow the Sub to cry, plead, beg, and scream, "No!" to their hearts' content, but as soon as they are genuinely uncomfortable, they can call it quits. Common safewords are Red and Pickle.
- Scene: A "scene" is the word for a particular roleplaying game. Participants decide upon a scene beforehand and assume their roles; scenes can last anywhere from a 5-minute play session to an all-day session where both lovers maintain their characters long term.
- Silent Alarm: A silent alarm is imperative for BDSM enthusiasts who are not in a loving monogamous relationship. When you begin to explore with a new partner, tell a friend who you are with, where you'll be, and what time you'll be home. If you are not home by that time, the friend is to call the police. Inform your partner what you are doing and encourage him or her to use a silent alarm, too.
Click on the links below for more information.
An article on safety for your BDSM adventures.
This website gives novice female subs info on how to stay safe as they begin exploring the BDSM community, and also offers links to reputable resources on BDSM.
Here is a general guide to BDSM.
Warning! This site contains pornographic pictures. It does, however, contain a humorous story on flogging and how to correctly use safewords.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)