Quotes and Inspiration for BDSM

I must thank the user "Slavecherie" on Fetlife for this amazing post! I have cross-referenced her and other users' BDSM quotes here. Enjoy!

"I would rather enslave my Bride, than marry my Slave."

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."

A dom is only a First among Equals.

"A slave is to be measured from the inside, for it is her soul that is enslaved, her body simply follows... "

"You can't love someone the way You need to love them. You have to love them the way the they need to be loved."

"All is as it should be."

How can I submit if you don't see me as an equal?

Rich the treasure, Sweet the pleasure,Sweet is pleasure after pain. -- Dryden

Sometimes it is harder to deprive oneself of a pain than of a pleasure -- F. Scott Fitzgerald

All the world's a cage. -- Jeanne Phillips

When you go see a woman, don't forget to bring the whip. -- Nietzche

It is not enough to conquer; One must know how to seduce -- Voltaire

The great art of life is to feel that we exist even in...Pain

A dom is not a dom because he is better; he is better because you let him be.

Perhaps Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

"I'm not a painslut, I'm a pain appreciatrix."

"True submission is of value because of what the sub offers-- to suspend a strong will for a time to the will of the Dom."

"Il faut souffrir pour etre belle" (old French proverb, translated means "One must suffer to be beautiful")

"If you are going to suffer, do it magnificently."

Life is too short to lie to yourself.

"‘Come to the edge’, he said. They said, ‘We are afraid’. ‘Come to the edge’, he said. They came. He pushed them… And they flew." -Guillaume Apollinaire

"I said to the Man who stood at the gate of the year: 'Give me a light, that I may tread safely into the unknown.' And he said to me, 'Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God. That will be better than a light, and safer than any known way."
-- Minnie Louise Haskins

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.”

A sub with a safeword is a Domme on her knees.

"This land is mine and I let you rule I let you navigate on demand Just as long as you know…this land is mine" - Dido

I would rather light a candle than curse the darkness - Elenore Rosevelt

There is no more lively sensation than that of pain; its impressions are certain and dependable, they never deceive as may those of the pleasure women perpetually feign and almost never experience. --Marquis de Sade

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me.

“It is within the experience of everyone that when pleasure and pain reach a certain intensity they are indistinguishable” ~Arnold Bennet~

“Pleasure and pain, though directly opposite are contrived to be constant companions.” ~Pierre Charron~

"Pain and pleasure, like light and darkness, succeed each other." ~Laurence Sterne~

Pains of love be sweeter far than all the other pleasures are'" ~John Dryden~

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. ~Gibran Kahil~

"Never a lip is curved with pain That can't be kissed into smiles again." ~Bret Harte~

"I saw an angel ttrapped in marble and I carved to set her free." -Michaelangelo

"I'm not a masochist... I just like experience. If it's new, it's interesting... Really, I'm just easily bored."

“Remember that pain has this most excellent quality. If prolonged it cannot be severe, and if severe it cannot be prolonged.” Seneca

"Only death goes deeper than sex." - Mason Cooley

"He who wishes to be obeyed must know how to command." - Machiavelli

"Never waste a really good threat." Laurel K. Hamilton as Anita Blake

"He's so proper. I want to rip his clothes off and lick him until he forgets his manners."

"I like other people's fear. Does that make me a sadist?" "No. That makes you a dentist. The two are easily confused." - Unknown

"The sexiest thing in the world is whatever is going to happen next, when the only thing you know about it, is that there is nothing you can do about it." ~unknown

Feeling Needy After Scenes

Many subs (and Doms, too!) feel needy, clingy, sensitive, or mopey after scenes. This can be due to subdrop or topdrop, or it can just be because of the vulnerable, strong emotions sex and BDSM bring out. How do you deal with it?

If it is due to topdrop/subdrop, it just means your partner feels needy and blue because the endorphin high is draining out of his system. The pain and adrenaline you provided him gave him a rush; now his body is coming out of the high. Just like coming off a light drug, there can be a real low for his body. The best thing to do is provide aftercare, and we've already written several posts about how to do that! (See the "aftercare" link on the right-hand side of the page under "Topics in this Blog" for more info.)

But as a sub, sometimes I feel needy and clingy after sex or BDSM, even when no endorphin high was involved. This is not a physical drop, but an emotional one. It is still difficult to feel.

Why?

Sex is highly emotional for both men and women. Your body starts pumping lots of chemicals into your blood stream, making you feel lots of great emotions. But this can also make you feel overwhelmed. Even when I like the feeling of sex, sometimes I have a strange desire to cry, weep, or just curl up in a ball and be sad. I usually fight these feelings, but my Dom is a very caring, understanding man and he encourages me to go ahead and cry if I need to. I haven't been able to yet, but I appreciate the offer.

I've done research on this, and this is normal for many women. There are many reasons this can happen. One is that sex and love just heighten the feelings you were already feeling. Another is that sex can be very emotional and vulnerable, and BDSM often requires that I tap into my deepest emotions, hidden sad places, and darkest past secrets to bring sub energy to the scene. This is great, but also very overwhelming and sad for me. Another reason is that many women feel like crying, laughing, or screaming during sex, because sex is emotional. BDSM brings out an emotional response in people! Sometimes the emotional response doesn't make sense, but it is still what you are feeling. Sex can be especially emotional for women if their G-spot or deep within their vagina/cervix is being stimulated. This can bring along a very powerful, emotional orgasm because it seems to tap into a woman's core. And of course some of the things hidden at a woman's core deserve to be laughed about, celebrated, cried over, worried about, or talked over once they finally come to light again! We keep our strongest fears, joys, and feelings there, and if sex brings them out, expect a strong emotional response! If you are a man, the best thing you can do for your partner is to share this emotional response with her; whatever she is feeling, you will help her by feeling it with her, too.

One of the sweetest stories I heard was of a man who helped a suffering woman heal by experiencing her emotions with her. As he stimulated her G-spot, she began to experience strong emotions. She started to cry, and he felt sad with her. They mourned together; the man said that whatever she was feeling, he mirrored back to her so she knew she was not going through this alone. Later, when she started to get angry and roar loudly, he got aggressive and angry-sounding right back, roaring with her. And when she finally collapsed, crying and happy, he held her and rejoiced right along with her.

For those of us with issues of rape, abuse, self-esteem issues, depression, mental or emotional disorders, broken homes, or past hurts, sex and BDSM can often tap right into those deep emotional wells. I think this is, in part, why we are so drawn to BDSM! Here is a safe, structured way to play with our pasts, re-explore history, and perhaps mourn the loss of innocence or re-write the story with our own rules this time around. It doesn't matter if you want to re-do the scene on your own terms this time, or simply re-visit old wounds to give yourself time to mourn them and heal; BDSM and a loving partner can help you achieve this!

Whatever the reasons that BDSM makes us feel clingy, I know it is a common feeling. Often after any sexual experience, I feel needy and clingy for my Dom. I suddenly worry that I am a disappointment and worry needlessly that he is not happy, relaxed, satisfied, or happy with the experience. I go from a confident, sexy woman to a clingy girl in need of reassurance. In this mood, I need lots of physical affection, compliments, and words of affirmation. I tend to get really whiny, asking, "Did you like it? Are you sure? Are you sure???? You don't really think I'm a whore, do you?" quite plaintively. Even if I was enjoying the wild sex and emotional humilation 30 seconds before, now I need to be held and comforted.

In this mood, teasing, seeming dissatisfied, or continuing to play the Dom will devastate me. I feel super sensitive and emotional, and if he keeps calling me dirty or belittling me like he was in the scene, I start to cry. He has to be very careful because it can be hard for him to know when I make the emotional switch from "in scene" to "out of scene."

The best thing for me in this mood is to be close to my Dom; I don't want to be away from him. I need him to hold me, often cradling my head, and the more body contact we can get, the better! I need him to switch from the mean, sexy torturer to the nurturer. He usually rubs my head, tells me how good I am, reiterates tirelessly how much he enjoyed the scene and me, and keeps answering my repetitive questions as long as I need him to.

Other women say things they like during this time are physical contact, affection, compliments, and reassurance. Some don't want to talk, but simply be held or allowed to curl up at his feet. Some need to be cuddled or pampered by their Doms. You Doms are sometimes really good at playing the mean, nasty rapist, and while we love it, when we're done we need reassurance that you are still the same good, loving man who loves us as before. We want to know we're not a disappointment, we're not really dirty or slutty, and you are happy with our performance. We are subs because we like to please. Please reassure us that you are happy with us, with you, with the sex, with the scene, and with the world.

Tapping into all those scary, forbidden emotions for you is a rush, but can be quite demanding and taxing, and we need lots of TLC afterward. I know when I feel clingy and sad after a scene, I feel like I'm a failure and the whole world has gone wrong. The best thing my Dom can do for me in these moods is hold me, reassure me, and keep telling me, "All is right in the world, babe. The world is an okay place. Everything is fine, everyone is fine, the world is fine and you are safe. All is right in the world."

Avenues of Pain

As the Dom it is my responsibility to come up with new ways to inflict pain to cause pleasure. This can be a difficult task, but I promise through communication and practice a good solution will be found. The Dom/sub relationship is one I believe to be unique for every couple. One couple may be into something more corporal and the other may enjoy something more emotional. My goal today is to give food for thought and encouragement. Try something new!

Emotional

This is the type of pain I feel many neglect, but is very rewarding. I know this is my sub's favorite. Emotional pain not only turns the sub on, but also they know they're 100% safe. Refer our lessons in dirty talk to better understand how this is implemented. When I cause emotional pain through what I say I am turned on, too. It makes me feel powerful and creative. If your partner is into this, the feedback you receive will blow your mind!

Striking

This is a very common form of pain and even the most reserved couples will enjoy a good spanking during sex. I can attest that this is my favorite. I feel physically dominant because of the posture during sex. I also feel physically powerful after giving my sub a good slap. The look she gives me after is amazing! I feel an adrenaline rush, excitment, and turned on all at the same time. I stick with open-handed strikes. I like the popping sound and it doesn't hurt or bruise. Slapping doesn't have to be only for the face. Try slapping your sub's thighs, feet, and chest (be careful of the breasts if your sub is female). Some will enjoy a closed-fisted punch. Go for it, but be careful. A friend of mine told me the most turned on he ever was was when his partner gave him a right cross during sex. To each their own!

Cutting

Cutting is another way to cause pain to your sub. I have never done this, but I know this play is out there. Sterile surgical tools can be used to cut your sub, or needles for needle play. Pain is caused and your sub is marked at the same time. It kills two birds with one stone. It is very, very dangerous due to the risk of extreme blood loss and infection. If you choose this avenue be careful. Have a charged cell phone with service to call 9-1-1 and bandages handy. Uses your safewords/safeactions at the first sign of trouble!

Burning

This method can be achieved in two different methods; permanent and non-permanent. The permanent form would be those interested in branding their sub. This is another way to mark the sub as your own. Much like cutting, be sure your tools are sterile! The risk here is infection. It only takes a nasty one to be fatal. The non-permanent version is using hot wax or wet a towel and put it in the microwave. There are many options here. The point is to have fun and stay safe.

Electro Play

This involves shocking your sub into delight. Remember that anytime you play with electricity can be very dangerous. It can cause burns, sears, and cardiac arrest. Many people enjoy this play in spite of the risks. Some of the more popular tools are the violet wand, cattle prods, and stun guns. I can understand why the subs like this so much. I have been shocked before either by an electric fence or outlets. I know being shocked hurts and renders the victim helpless. If one was turned on my a violent loss of control this would be the way.

There is a quick overview of the types of pain that may be inflicted on your sub. Remember to talk to your partner before trying something new. Make sure they are willing and you do your homework to understand the risks. The rewards may be beyond what you expect!

Help! My Partner Is into BDSM!!!!

Oh, the panicked expression that comes across your face when you realize your partner wants you to try something that is inherently against your personality and desires: BDSM. Although I've never been there, I've been the cause of that panicked look several times, as I watched it spread slowly across the face of a guy who had just been asked to do something he neither wanted nor imagined enjoying.

And there's nothing wrong with that. If your first reaction to hearing the term BDSM is "Hell no!", that's okay. The fact that you're even reading this means you are open to exploring something new because you love your partner that much, so you deserve a big pat on the back whether or not you end up actually liking BDSM!

A great resource for men not sure they can like BDSM is Franklin Veaux's BDSM for the Nice Guy. And a good article for either sex about how to start slowly is AskGarnet's BDSM Warmups.

Okay, so your partner wants you to spank her or slap her. He wants you to call him dirty names. Your innermost being cringes at the thought of being mean or hitting someone you love. What do you do?

Well, you start small! Even "vanilla" (that's you!) people enjoy some light spanking, name-calling, and handcuffs. Try tying him up and telling him exactly what you want to do to him. Pin her hands over her head, crush her into a wall, and kiss her passionately, then bite her neck. There is nothing mean or unusual about these activities!

One thing that can really kill the mood for subs is when we know you are faking. I had a guy once pin me down and threaten to rape me, but he did it so uncertainly and was so obviously not into it that it totally killed the mood. Now is the time to employ acting skills. If you can't act, practice growling "Grab my cock, NOW!" or a threatening, "Did I tell you to move, slave?" alone when no one's home. It's okay to feel ridiculous! Laugh at yourself, giggle some, and then try again. Eventually, you will be able to fake the mean voice, and you might even find it turns you on. :)

Of course, a great way to dominate a sub is to just do whatever you want. For example, if you really like blow jobs or having a foot massage, get one! The trick here is, instead of asking nicely or waiting for your sub to do it, you take charge. It doesn't matter if you sound mean, angry, or horny, as long as you sound CONFIDENT! With all the confidence you can muster, pin your sub's hands to the bed, look fiercly into her eyes, and state clearly, "I want you to take off all your clothes, slowly, and then suck my cock. Now." Calling dirty names is optional here, depending on what your partner likes. Your sub's eyes will widen, she will get turned on, and she will hurry to do what you want. Everybody wins.

"But it feels mean!!!" I know, I know. But the point is, it's not mean, because your partner asked for it. Giving them something they need to feel fulfilled is actually the most loving thing you can do.

"But I don't know what to do!" Trust me, we've been there. Browse through our blog, and there are ideas for everything from talking dirty to interrogation scenes. You can get great ideas of fairly tame things to do to your sub that he will absolutely adore. Try them out and see how it works! Don't be afraid to fail, since BDSM can be tricky at the beginning. Some stuff will work, and some will not, but it's okay to mess up; just hug your partner, laugh, and try again later!

"But what if I really hurt him?" Many Doms worry about hurting their subs. This is natural. The good news is: BDSM causes endorphins, which increase pain tolerance and turn "pain" into a feeling much more like "woooow that's hot." So when you slap, pinch, or bite your partner, you're not hurting them, you're just turning them on more. Yeah, if my Dom bit me when I wasn't turn on, it would hurt! But when he does it in the middle of making out, it feels great!

If your partner wants to try something heavier, like whipping or paddling, just remember: endorphins are making this not hurt, but just feel good. You want to start slowly, hitting softly, to get the spot warmed up, and as you hit harder, you will probably be surprised to see your sub moaning and jerking like she's about to come. The truth is, she is! All those endorphins running through her system are turning to pain into pleasure, and you're not hurting her, you're just turning her on!

"But I feel guilty." This is actually a problem my Dom had at first. He could not admit that he might be turned on by the idea of hurting or raping me. Society has drummed into our heads that This Is Wrong. And of course, it is, unless the person wants it! :) Is it okay to be turned on by hurting your spouse? Yep. Is it okay to get off on calling him names and making him cry? Yep! Are you still a good person if you secretly think it's hot to rip her clothes off and rape her savagely? Absolutely!

The point is, these fantasies are completely normal and nothing to feel guilty about. As you explore BDSM and see how much it turns your partner on, of course you are going to start getting turned on, too! This means you are normal (Halelujia!). These things are only wrong if you force an unwilling participant. But since your partner is asking for it, jump in and enjoy the turn-on! At first my Dom couldn't imagine wanting to hurt me or rape me. But when I encouraged him to go deep into his fantasies, and assured him I wouldn't judge him, he eventually was able to find these thoughts sexy and really enjoy the power trip.

"Isn't BDSM against the Bible?" Nope! In the Old Testament God talks about how to treat your servants and slaves. He encourages you to discipline and even beat wayward "servants." In the New Testament, Paul discusses how submission is important in every relationship. One person has dominance, and the other has submission. If you want to explore that sexually, it's okay!

I can only hope this blog has helped. I have heard of too many relationships and marriages that have ended, or decided to turn polygamous, because the sub wanted to feel deliciously dominated and the husband just couldn't imagine being a Dom. This is incredibly sad, and BDSM should never mean the end of a marriage. Just plow in, be willing to explore, and have fun!

Orgasms Are Good for Your Health!

Yeeee-haw!

A study released earlier this year has found that sexual arousal and orgasm are not only fun, but are good for your health! This is one more reason to reproachfully chide a hubby who's not pleasing you: he doesn't want you to get breast cancer and die, does he? :(

In fact, getting turned on, sexual activity, and having orgasms are good for both men and women! The original article from The Los Angeles Times says when you get turned on or have the Big O, your body releases lots of fun chemicals that are good for your health. Frequent sex (and I don't mean just vaginal intercourse; I mean all sex!) pumps your body full of health-friendly hormones and chemicals that can decrease heart disease, lower risk of breast cancer, flush out carginogens and toxins, clear out arteries, and help you live longer.

For men, it also reduces your risk of prostrate cancer.

For women, it increases your tolerance for pain (enter fun BDSM activities here!). In fact, your pain tolerance goes up during arousal, and actually doubles during an orgasm. While this makes for endless fun with BDSM experimentation, it also has more practical applications: think migraines, cramps, headaches, and sore muscles.

And please remember: health benefits are available from being turned on and sexually active, not just from having an orgasm. Orgasms are not the sole purpose of sex, and both men and women can enjoy sex for its bonding and feel-good qualities without getting off.

Finally, an article telling us sex is good for our health. Just one more reason why sexual activity in a committed, monogamous, loving marriage is a God-given gift. So next time, skip the gym and hop in bed...