10% Off Blog Contest!!!

This week, to celebrate the end of summer and mourn the return to school and work, I'm having a contest on my blog. One reader who leaves a comment will be awarded a coupon for 10% on sex toys and BDSM merchandise.

You don't have to read my blog. You simply have to tell me something about yourself that proves to me why I should give you a 10% off coupon to Babeland Toy Store.

I have a coupon for 10% off from Babeland's online toy store than I am offering to any reader who leaves a comment and gives me the most convincing reason why you need/deserve/want ten percent off from a sex toy store!

You can buy sex toys, vibes, dildos, condoms, lube, handcuffs, paddles, and other bondage gear at Babeland, so whatever you're interested in, they'll probably have it!

Tell me what you're lusting after and why you want the 10% off. Give me your sob story or your convincing reason. With the economy so bad, it shouldn't be hard. The most convincing person (or, if only one person participates, he or she will be the obvious winner!) will receive a coupon code for 10% off any Babeland online merchandise.

I'll announce the winner in one week (August 18, 2009).

Obviously, if you participate, you need to let me know how I can reach you to give you the code. If you don't want your contact info posted, feel free to send me a private email at Sexperts.SM@gmail.com.

Also, I am super excited because I've just received clover nipple clamps! I can't wait to try them out! :) Look back here for a review later this week!

Blood Play

Blood play is a particular fetish that relates blood to sexual arousal. While it is considered edge play because it obviously carries the risk of diseases, with a monogamous partner this should not be a problem.

Humans seem fascinated with bodily fluids. I've heard of fetishes for blood, urine, feces, cum--basically everything except vomit. (Who knows? There may be a fetish for that, too!) Using cum or urine during BDSM scenes is the most common, but while wandering the online halls of the BDSM mansion you'll find some references to blood play.

Blood play is a fairly obvious fetish that doesn't need a lot of explaining. People get kicks out of incorporating blood into their scenes. Sometimes this has to do with the pain involved, so "pain sluts" (subs who enjoy pain) and their Tops will enjoy this. It isn't about the blood, but causing pain and leaving a mark. This can be as simple as a needle prick or a small cut. Making the victim bleed shows the Tops power and the sub's helplessness.

Blood play can get more intricate, of course. Some people get turned on by making love to a woman while she is on her period. Others taste or drink the blood of their victim, almost like playing at being vampires.

When I looked online for more info, most of the blood fetish sites had more to do with vampirism than with BDSM, but you can find some BDSMers into it as well.

If the idea of using a knife on your sub until there is a thin trickle of blood running down his back turns you on, you might be interested in blood play. If you think it would be sexy to frighten your slave with a needle and then lick the drop of blood, or if it turns you on to think about having sex with your wife when she's on her period, this fetish might be for you!

For more info, see:

• Wiki on blood fetishism
• Vampirism

In other news, I have a 10% off from Babeland's online toy store than I am offering to any reader who leaves a comment and gives me the most convincing reason why you need/deserve/want ten percent off from a sex toy store! You can buy sex toys, vibes, dildos, condoms, lube, handcuffs, paddles, and other bondage gear at Babeland, so whatever you're interested in, they'll probably have it! Tell me what you're lusting after and why you want the 10% off. The most convincing person (or, if only one person participates, that lucky poster!) will receive a code for 10% any Babeland online merchandise. I'll announce the winner in one week (August 18, 2009). Obviously, if you participate, you need to let me know how I can reach you to give you the code. If you don't want your contact info posted, feel free to send me a private email.

Also, I am super excited because I've just received clover nipple clamps! I can't wait to try them out! :) Look back here for a review later this week!

Poly

Polyamorous relationships, often called poly for short, are so common in BDSM that they definitely bear mentioning here. In BDSM, the many kinksters are in some sort of poly relationship. Even in the vanilla world, poly is becoming a bigger trend as people question monogamy.

First, let me be clear that polyamory does not always mean sex. Polyamory literally means loving multiple people; polysexuality means being sexually involved with multiple people. People in poly relationships do not always have sex with others, because there are many other needs that could be met in such a relationship: need for attention, for affection, for time, for nurturing, for intimacy.

Now I'm not poly, and I believe that monogamy is the right way to do relationships. I think the New Testament writers were very clear that a man is expected to marry and cherish one woman, and those two must remain faithful to one another for life. However, I also know there are other Christians who interpret this differently, and I have met Christians involved in poly relationships. Do I think they're wrong? Yes. But poly is still an undeniable part of BDSM, and as such I feel it bears mentioning here.

There are many, many types of poly.

The most well-known is swinging, which often means just having multiple sex partners. Obviously, having a threesome or multiple sex partners is also called poly. But these relationships only mention sex, while most polygamists have a relationship based on more than sex.

People can practice poly many ways:

• One Master may have a household with multiple subs. These subs are called "sub sisters." Sometimes they entire "poly family" lives together and the two subs serve the Master.
• A dominant couple may take on a "third." The sub serves both as her Master and Mistress. The three of them develop a relationship that works for them. This is another type of poly family.
• Sometimes, a couple may decide to be poly, but not together as in the above example. So the husband may take another sub, but that sub has no real relationship with his wife. Likewise, the wife may take another Dom, but the husband and Dom don't play together or consider themselves in a relationship.
• People may decide they want a play partner. One or both people in a relationship may play with a regular "play partner," but the play partner does not live with them like in a poly family.
• Large groups of poly communities may have "co-husbands" and "co-wives." For example, if I am married to Bill and also married to James, they are co-husbands. They may not have any relationship with each other besides being acquaintances, but they share my time, energy, and love.
• Poly households can develop with multiple layers. For example, the Master may have a "First Sub" who is basically in charge of the other subs. This is similar to the harem setups of ancient times. For poly families that follow Gorean practice, the first slave is called the "Kajira."
• One person can be married to one and in a BDSM relationship with another. I've seen several examples where a woman has one Master and a different husband. Both know of each other and share her time, but she has vastly different relationships with each.

Of course, there are many variations on these relationships! You can find men who say they are married to one woman, a sub to another, a Master to another, and a sissy slave to another. You can see women who are owned by one man, married to another, and own a female slave. The possibilities are endless.

There can be as many variations as there are people. Some people find poly satisfies a need for many different relationships at once, without the constraints of monogamy. But of course, poly isn't easy. Issues crop up such as jealousy, insecurities, and conflicts of time/money. It also takes lots of energy to maintain several healthy relationships at once, because relationships take work! But in the end, each of the people involved is completely aware of all the others and consents to be there. (If one person isn't aware of the others, that isn't poly; that's called cheating.)

Biblically, I believe poly is a bad idea. In the Old Testament, marriage to multiple women (i.e. polygamy) was allowed, but sexual relationships without marriage (i.e. polyamory) were not. And by New Testament times, monogamy was assumed and preferred. I think modern-day poly just translates as fornication and orgies in biblical terms, and I would not recommend it. However, it is a major part of many kinksters' lives, and something you will definitely come across in the BDSM lifestyle.

Since I am not in a poly relationship, I can only give the basics. Would any readers out there like to see a guest interview by an active polygamorist? If so, I can definitely try to track one down! Just let me know. :)

Come On Command

A new fetish I've been learning about is called Come on Command, sometimes seen shortened to CoC.

This is one of thos fetishes that sounds just delightful to everyone who hears it. After all, orgasms are good = more orgasms are better. Who doesn't want to be able to come on command?


Basically, ths fetish takes a lot of training to do. It's hard work, both for the Dom and the sub, but many people find it worthwhile! (wink, wink). Come on command works just the way it sounds: the Dom conditions the sub to orgasm based on a specific verbal command.


Anyone who's trained dogs or children can tell you that conditioning is a lot of work and takes a lot of time. (Think Pavlov's dogs.) Especially since orgasms are so physical, it can be difficult to train a sub's brain so that they become completely psychological, but it's possible!

If you want to train your sub to Come on Command, be prepared to be patient, persistent, and consistent. Your task is to make your sub associate orgasming so strongly with a certain command you give him, that eventually the command alone will suffice to come.

Interested? Here's how:

1. First, decide upon your "cue." It needs to be the same word, delivered in the same tone and volume every time. You must be consistent!
2. Deny your sub orgasms for a while. Some tops spend weeks or months teasing and tormenting their subs, bringing them to the brink of orgasms every time, but never letting them fulfill it.
3. Allow your sub to orgasm, but only after you've delivered your "cue".
4. Keep the pattern of denial, completed by orgasming upon command, going.
5. Eventually, stop pleasuring your sub right before orgasm and utter the command. If he orgasms, give lots of positive praise. If he doesn't, utter the command and physically bring him to orgasm again to continue the training.
6. Repeat #s 3-5 as needed.

What are some of the pros of CoC? Obviously, it's hot. Many men and women are fascinated by the idea of being able to orgasm (or make someone orgasm) simply by a verbal command or physical cue (such as a face slap). And it's a delicious and powerful form of control for the top.

What are some of the cons of CoC? People tend to assumethere are no cons to something that sounds so cool as orgasm by command, but there are. First, it may not be possible for everyone, and it very difficult to train a sub to do. It takes lots of time, patience, consistency, and dedication. If you and your spouse get frustrated by the initial failures it could cause problems and unhappiness in your relationship. Also, it can be a dangerous kind of power. Because a sub is trained to orgasm at a certain word, tone, and facial expression from his Domme, he can lose the ability to come any other way--without the cue, on his own, or with someone else. Should the relationship end, the sub who is trained to orgasm with one Domme may find it impossible to come alone or with a new Domme.

Review: Under the Bed Restraints

Hello and we're back with another review!! This under-the-bed restraint set from Babeland is my newest kinky find. I really enjoyed them!

The first plus is the set's ease of use, both for "put up" and "tear down" time. Like the door jam cuffs, I like these because my Dom and I have lots of friends and family members over who are not kink friendly, so we can't exactly have dungeon implements and permanent restraints drilled into our walls. So we use lots of restraints and handcuffs that are easy to use and just as easy to make disappear into a drawer.

These under-the-bed restraints do that, and they are the only temporary restraints we own that allow for total immobilization. Since I'm the one who loves playing with bondage (pain is more his style!), I was very excited to try them. We have a few sets of handcuffs, but none that attach to my ankles.

The cuffs were comfy on my wrists and ankles, with no pain even when I pulled and--at one point--flipped myself completely over. I was worried the adjustable velcro on the cuffs wouldn't hold, but it did. I do have fairly small wrists, and the cuffs were almost too big to fit me, but by pulling them tight my Dom made it work. If you or your partner has exceptionally tiny wrists, these might not fit.

My Dom got the cuffs set up under the bed in no time. First he secured my wrists. I was waiting, but not too patiently, because as soon as he fastened my ankle cuffs, I whined, "These ropes are too long; I can still move!" I pulled on the ropes to demonstrate. With a sigh, my Dom grabbed the adjustable straps (that I hadn't noticed) and said, "The people who made these are smart, sweetie. Just wait." He pulled, and the straps adjusted just as quickly and easily as backpack straps that work the same way do, and suddenly our under-the-bed restraint was a perfect fit for me: my hands and ankles were all tied, in a comfortably tight position!

The only downside of these cuffs is the same downside of any bondage gear: you can't use it too long or your partner's hands/feet will lose circulation. When using bondage, check every few minutes to make sure your partner's hands aren't getting cold, because that's the first sign. And trust me, freezing and numb hands make it impossible to concentrate on a scene.

Overall, I found these cuffs to be comfortable, easy to use and adjust, and effective. I loved being restrained at both my wrists and ankles, not just my wrists. And for my Dom, it was easier to spank me when I had only limited mobility and couldn't wriggle away!

The cuffs are removable and made of fabric for easy cleaning, and the set is adjustable so it fits any mattress size. The best part? It's easy to put away completely, leaving no traces that you have to awkwardly try to explain away to your mother-in-law next time she visits and wanders into your room. Click here to purchase the cuffs or learn more, and check out Babeland's newest deal: a free bottle of lubricant if you purchase their new music-activated vibrator, Freestyle!