I was thinking the other day that punishment is sometimes a lot better than the alternative.
Sometimes in a marriage negative feelings will build up. Someone will start to get bitter, hateful, or testy. Unforgiveness and bitterness can be poison to a relationship. But it can be hard to let go and just let bygones be bygones.
I think punishment helps my Dom keep away from that. Instead of becoming bitter and withdrawn over an issue that's been bugging him, a punishment and frank talk allows us to get the air cleared between us. Instead of him being unforgiving and trying to "get even" with me, which is never healthy for a relationship and is also against the Bible, it lets him vent his frustrations in a constructive way.
I've talked before on here about how I think punishment helps me avoid bitterness and distance. But it just occurred to me how it might help him.
Normally, I am more prone to unforgiveness. In me, it leads to distance, silence, testing, and sulkiness. But in him, it leads to fights or him being cruel or unkind to me. I hate that! But a punishment lets him deal with the problem assertively and in a healthy way. He still feels like he gets to talk to me, but without falling into being unforgiving and bitter.
For both of us, I think it helps us talk things out and avoid a buildup of negative feelings. It may not be fun at the time, but for me, it's much preferable to becoming one of those silently bitter couples.
Very recognizable. It may help a Dom to pre-empt bad feelings both directly (settling a certain episode) and on the long run (enforcing for the long term certain desired behaviour /unlearning undesired behaviour.
ReplyDeleteIt, again, all boils down to punishment being a dimension of relating to each other, I guess.
Hmm, that is something I never thought about and will consider as my relationship furthers. It is a way to express oneself in a more healthy and controlled way. I have witness some unsettling marriages where I wish I could bridge the gap, but it seems to far. I know I can be at time uncommunicative so I've been trying hard to practice this the communication side. Thanks for the prospective.
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